Just discovered girls I thought were friends are laughing at me

[ofcoursetheyrelaughing]

Sitting together, happened to look at friend’s phone screen. They’re sending messages to each other about how fat I am. I’m devastated. I can’t leave due to where we are (uni) and I haven’t got any other friends. I don’t know what to do. I’m aware I’m fat, it’s a sore point for me, but I’m beyond upset. I don’t want to be here. They keep asking me what’s wrong and I haven’t got the confidence to say what I’ve seen.

im a grown adult of 33 but this has brought me back to being 16.

As I've said before here, grown women can sometimes do this. Sounds shocking but it's true.

My story briefly - started at a new company, very small, approx 5 people in the office, got the job through family friend's new wife. New colleagues were approx 10-15 years or more older than me. Family friend's new wife only worked there on an ad-hoc basis but socialised with colleagues with family friend (her new husband). I was late 30s then. They took it on themselves (especially my new female colleague) to befriend me, give me advice on dating, work etc. I took this for a while and we were all friends for a while but then wanted my own life/opinions so tried to nicely distance myself or just do my thing. This then caused a backlash with the 2 women who embarked on a bullying campaign against me. I only found out as our computers broke down, I had to work at my colleague's computer as mine was completely broken and she didn't work Fridays, I did, but she'd had to rush off early one day, and she'd left her personal emails open, one showed her speaking nastily about me to the family friend's wife - I'll never know if she left this open on purpose or not. I saw a few emails which detailed my mother, how I had a lardy arse etc and then worked out a way to log onto her personal email (yes, I know, awful) - I was also getting nasty, bitchy comments on and off then from them, in the kitchen or by text, as I wasn't dancing to their tune. I found out I think a year or so before I left, that the wife of the family friend, had been told by him that my DM was his girlfriend, a long time ago. My DB and his DW had been to dinner at their house and the family friend had shown them photos of his girlfriends, including my DM who he referred to as 'his girlfriend'. My DM was only ever his platonic friend though he did confess his love for her in their 20s, my DM wasn't interested. But, I think his new wife (of literally 2-3 years) didn't know this situation, she never knew it was platonic and was in some way jealous of my DM and then jealous/nasty of/to me as I'm her DD! I spoke to my colleague at work and told her that my DM and the family friend were never an item. The family friend/his wife - we cut contact/broke off friendship with them due to the bullying.

They’re not your friends. Please just move away from them, enjoy your own company & be open to nice people who will then have space to enter your life. Nobody needs friends that will message each other being bitchy about them, especially when they are actually with that person. That’s a whole other level of lowlife behaviour!

I think you are wise in your approach, just tolerate them for the next few weeks and know that they are not true friends ( they are just a bunch of nasty, immature bitchy women), sounds like you have met some lovely new people anyway.

Good luck with the remainder of your studies and don’t let them have a negative impact on it

On the plus side I did get involved with something else yesterday and the persons I met there were so wonderfully lovely - the total opposite in every way. So I have to focus on that

That's really good to hear.

I know some people will disagree but even if they were talking about you rudely it doesn't mean they hate you or don't value you as a friend. It might just be them being stupid and thoughtless rather than actually vindictive. Obviously I haven't seen the texts so don't know that but it's something to think about. From what you said it sounded more like they were commenting on your weight and eating rather than ridiculing you. You should be careful of them but I think you would be making a mistake to read more into it than what it was.

On the plus side I did get involved with something else yesterday and the persons I met there were so wonderfully lovely - the total opposite in every way. So I have to focus on that.

That’s great. Two phrases that always come to mind in this type of situation :
‘When someone shows you who they really are, believe them ‘ and
‘Dry your tears and continue your journey.’

I hope the future days are brighter for you.

Your update sounds really positive. I'm really glad you received some support at uni and are moving on. I don't blame you for not confronting them don't give them the satisfaction. Please remember it's not you it's them and they aren't worth it.x

OP I'm so pleased to read your update. That's great that you've got some support and have started something new. People like those women are awful, but remember that there are lots of people who aren't like that at all. I hope you can just quietly drift away and they'll not pay you any more attention.

When I was at Uni some of the people on my course could have been regarded as bullies, or at best immature idiots. There were a few incidents in my first year that weren't particularly pleasant, although they found them hilarious, often around faces getting slammed into food in the canteen, and incidents involving being tied up with climbing ropes.
I found life a lot more enjoyable when I volunteered with the Scouts and found a whole new friendship group who were genuinely nice people. I'm still in touch with most of the non- Uni friends even after moving away. Most of the Uni crowd, I haven't seen for years. Uni is only a short time span and then you'll never have to see them again. Find a hobby, where you can find like minded people with a bit more sense, preferably outside of the University.

Good update. Out with the rubbish, in with the positive.

I was a quite paranoid as a teen because so many people genuinely didn't like me and then people like you've had to deal with OP didn't help. But I then fell in with a group of people who were incapable to talking behind anyone's back. It was so healing.