Just discovered girls I thought were friends are laughing at me

[ofcoursetheyrelaughing]

Sitting together, happened to look at friend’s phone screen. They’re sending messages to each other about how fat I am. I’m devastated. I can’t leave due to where we are (uni) and I haven’t got any other friends. I don’t know what to do. I’m aware I’m fat, it’s a sore point for me, but I’m beyond upset. I don’t want to be here. They keep asking me what’s wrong and I haven’t got the confidence to say what I’ve seen.

im a grown adult of 33 but this has brought me back to being 16.

"I can lose weight but plastic surgery isn't free so I'm happy" 🙃

Oh OP I’m so sorry - those girls are complete and utter cunts. You do not want people like that in your life. I’m sure you will find your tribe once away from them.

Why are (some) women like this?! It’s the same even mid-40’s and I honestly do get sick of it.

Sending love and support OP

Does the chaplaincy have groups or socials for people who don't know anyone? You may find that there are some people there who, once you get through any social anxiety or whatever obstacles make it hard to forge friendships, are really great to know.

Incidentally, DS was badly bullied by his 'friends' in his first year at uni and it absolutely broke him. He is also neurodivergent. I was very worried about him. But he eventually had the guts to go out there. He did some voluntary work and made friends with a bunch of people who he thought he had nothing in common with at all. They have ended up being some of his closest friends. They have very little in common on the surface except for the fact they are all nice people! They socialise so much and have great fun and as DS said, you just know none of them will ever bitch about you. It;s just not how they operate.

You could get involved in a voluntary group maybe.

You sound strong and kind: That shows you are a human being of high worth. They're in their 30s and still gossiping like teenagers when they absolutely should know better and should have more important things going on in their empty heads: That shows that they're not worth much at all.

Feeling pain from this is normal. Let yourself process it, then release it. Act as if they're acquaintances you merely nod your head to in the halls. If they bring it up, without emotion, simply say that you value your time too much to waste it on those who think bullying is a viable hobby as they approach middle age, and that they might want to get their eyes checked as they're very sloppy with their texts.

Then walk away, in actuality and in spirit.

Good luck and good work with your education!

Reminds me a bit of a friend from my church. She has a very slight speech impediment (tbh it’s barely recognizable and it part of her charm). Anyway a few weeks ago she had to do a reading, and afterwards a group of women (old enough to know better) commented on it mentioning her name (which has an S at the start of the second syllable and they were giggling, pronouncing her name with Thhhh thhhhhh. Suffice to say she heard, and I found her crying in her car 10 minutes later. She is 53. People are nasty. They will probably say ‘it was just a joke’ but when something has bothered you for years…

I loath bullies

Take a book! I am autistic and a bit clunky to chat to. I am really nice once you get to know me but I don't present myself well on first meeting. This means I tend to get left out and I am ok with that. I have proper friends so I don't really need to pick up new ones at casual activities so I take a book. I sit alone and I read and I am perfectly happy. It's no skin off my nose if people want to laugh about my fatness, ugliness, lack of social skills - I don't care what they think anyway and I LOVE a good book!

Might not work for everyone but it means you don't end up feeling like Billy no-mates!

God what are they 14??? How immature & nasty. In what context would they be saying such things? I’m not saying you’re seeing things but I’m dumbfounded as to who would do that! What did u actually see?

Deep breaths, you've got this. It's hurtful and horrible to experience. These sort of people never really change.

But you can change how if affects you and how your react. The power is on your side now as you know what they are like and can make the decision what you do with that information.

Contract the uni lecturer and report them. It's bullying and there should be no place in university where it is allowed.

Give them your biggest smile and walk away with your head held high. Be better than them, because you are. You've got this!!

You are better off alone than with such awful people. Never go anywhere without a book, then you've always got something to keep you busy in any awkward moments.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Bear in mind that people like this don't have any real friends. Move away and watch them from a distance and you'll see it. They will all be bitching about each other behind their backs and vying for top dog. They'll never be happy because they'll never be able to trust one another. You are better off out of it. As soon as you're gone they'll start on a different member of the group. And if you weren't overweight they'd find something else to comment on. I was a skinny teenager and was always bullied terribly.

Omg! Call them out. Call them out publicly.

What set of absolute cunts.

What I've come to learn is that when confronted, the bullies will always rally together and gaslight. So you then end up feeling worse than if you'd left it. If it were me I'd think of a way to fuck with them without them knowing I had seen it. You know they're not your friends. So if there is anything come up you can dob on them for or something you can subtly screw up for them then do it. I mean minor petty things of course. You can smile secretly to yourself that you've had the last laugh.

I read it last week and I think it probably is with the film that came out in January.
I know he has had his demons with alcohol but it really struck a chord.

I am so sorry this happened to you. It must really hurt. They are not kind humans. I hope you were able to get away from them. Cut them off. Keep your head high and know that they are not your friends.

@ofcoursetheyrelaughing

I do want to say something but don’t know how. I don’t want to end up alone all the time like previous, this is the first time I’ve had someone to sit with and go out with at weekends and stuff.

I know it's hard to really 'get this' right now, but it's better to be alone that to have 'bad friends'. It's sort of like being in a bad relationship; you're never going to find 'Ms Right Friends' when you're tangled up with 'Ms Mean Girls'. Cut these women out of your life.

I personally wouldn't bother confronting them, it rarely makes them ashamed of themselves, they'll just move on to the next victim. You deserve real and 'true' friends and they are out there, you just have to find them.

And no, unfortunately 99% of mean girls never grow out of it. They end up being the coworker or the mum at the school gates who forms a little clique and then the clique picks one of them to bully for the sheer joy of bullying someone. They build up themselves by having a 'victim'. It's ugly and it's cruel. And others who go along with it are just as ugly as the ring leader.

So, find your interests and get out there. Go for walks, join clubs, go to sport games. And don't think about people's ages. One of my BFFs is 'just about' young enough to be my daughter but we share a common interest and hobby that makes our ages irrelevant.

Dd had something similar at uni.she didn't want to have sex with boys that were interested in her, and her mean girl flat mates mocked her for being a virgin
I dony know! I feel like 18 year olds nowadays act like 13 year olds and the 20 somethings on love island are like 16 year olds

Yes, maybe he is talking about the old drinking company he used to keep?

I fear groups and tend to make friendships one-to-one as it is easier to tell who can be trusted.

Another one this happened to, though I was in school at the time. No phones then, but they made up a mans name to openly talk about me whilst I was there. 'Bob' was constantly slated for being ugly and boring. I had to put up with it for a year before I was switched from having any lessons with them which was a blessing.

Girls can be cruel. I would like to think my bullies have grown up and do it of it but you case proves some people are just like that. Staying 'friends' with them will only chip away at your self confidence. It will make you feel paranoid and on edge and like you can't be yourself. Drop them.

Honestly they will have been like this forever and if it wasn't you then it would be something else. Bitchy women in their 30s don't change. It's forgivable as a teenager because you are literally programmed to be selfish, but older than that? It's their ugly personality.

Don't get drawn again; groups like this always need a punching bag and you distancing yourself means there is vacancy.

You can expect the most nervous member of the group to reach out as they don't want to be next. Don't get fooled.

There will always be people like this. They are NOT your 'friends'. Real true friends have your back, support you and are kind to you.
You know what you've seen, no amount of outing it to them will make things better, it will make them squirm and probably try to back peddle.
Lose these nasty people from your life - you'll meet new people along the way. Decent nice kind people- these are the keepers.
I'm sorry you saw the messages, but in some respect its done you a huge favour. Get rid!

My great regret is not walking away from a friendship group in uni. They weren’t outwardly horrible to me, but I was sidelined and belittled. It prevented me from meeting people who could have been genuine lifelong friends.
Im in my 50s now and I’m more angry about it now I have my own DC. I wish I’d had the confidence to move on from them.

Groups like this like having a scapegoat. If you leave them they’ll probably turn on another girl in the group to be it.

Online gaming for someone who already has issues?

I do think I’m worthy of being respected even if I’m not nice to look at, I hope.

You are completely worthy of respect and people who would make fun of anothers appearance are the lowest of the low. Please distance yourself from them, they are not friends and being around them is likely to be harming your self esteem. I am so sorry this happened to you. Not everyone is like this, but when you do come across them, distance yourself as soon as possible.

After reading this, I just want to go punch them on your behalf. What a pair of fckers. I’m so sorry this has brought up all of these old feelings for you.