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Was it grabby to ask my parents about Christmas money?

136 replies

bluetongue · 28/01/2024 06:31

My parents are boomers. Not wealthy but I’m pretty sure they’ve got lots of savings (talking about money is awkward in my family). They never really go on really nice holidays or treat themselves even though I know they can afford. I wasn’t even allowed to rip wrapping paper off presents as a kid because it had to be reused to save money! They continue this mindset even to today.

They had ‘ordinary’ jobs but managed to pay off their mortgage in 9 years and my dad is on a gold plated final wage pension that I could only dream of. They still complain about the high interest rates they paid and seem a little out of touch as to how much harder it is to juggle expenses and pay off a mortgage. Mine is probably going to take the full 30 years at the moment. I’m single with am okay wage but far from enough for every thing I need / want. I recently managed to get a promotion and work bloody hard for an essential government department.

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago. My parents did help me with my house deposit which I’ll acknowledge was a huge help but I otherwise pay for everything myself.

My house is going through a stage where it needs some costly repairs. As most people know the cost of getting trades in has risen hugely. I also need to update my car as the one I currently have is over 20 years old.

I me mentioned to them today that maybe it would be good if my sister and I could get some Christmas money (we usually get some amount of money for Christmas). Apparently they have been discussing it in the previous week but need to get around to transferring it to us. My mum doesn’t have internet banking because she ‘doesn’t trust it’. My dad does though. How hard is it to transfer money online? I can’t believe it’s February and they haven’t got around to sending the Christmas money. I hate having to ask but while they are lovely and mean well they have terrible life skills sometimes.

OP posts:
GettingBetter2024 · 28/01/2024 06:34

Yes I think it is really grabby to push it.

Imnotabeliever · 28/01/2024 06:36

Yes, you sound very grabby

Londonnight · 28/01/2024 06:37

You sound very over entitled!

IWFH · 28/01/2024 06:41

I don't fully understand this but I think it's as follows
Your parents usually give you and your sister a large amount of money at Chrismas (must be large if it's going to cover house repairs and a new car). Christmas gone they didn't give you any money so you are now asking for ir?
My advice is take some personal resonsibility and stop relying on parental handouts ffs.

Gymmum82 · 28/01/2024 06:44

You sound very entitled. Your mum and dad lived a frugal life and saved.
They don’t owe you money. You say you’ve never had an inheritance but you actually have had a very large inheritance more than most people dream of and your parents are both still alive!
It was grabby to ask for money. Your bills/car/home repairs are your responsibility. I need a new car, mines broken down 4 times this year. Guess who is working extra weekend work to pay for it? Yep. Me.

Zoomerang · 28/01/2024 06:44

Did they tell you ‘we’re going to give you £x’ at Christmas? If so, I think it’s fine to nudge.

If not it’s really grabby.

Tatonka · 28/01/2024 06:47

Wow you got an inheritance and help with your house? Very grabby! How about you fend for yourself instead?

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 28/01/2024 06:48

Has it already been mentioned by them? Eg on Christmas Day, did they say something like "merry Christmas! We'll transfer you £X as a present"? Or have they not said anything about it?

If they've already said they're giving you some, I think it's ok to mention. If my parents said they were going to give me money as a present, and I reminded them a month later, they'd be apologetic, and ask why I hadn't mentioned it sooner.
If they haven't mentioned it at all this year, then yes I think it's unreasonable to ask.

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 28/01/2024 06:53

Grabby and with a nice pinch of ageism as well. And tbh, your diamond shoes seem a bit tight.

PS inheritance tends to come when people who liked you when they were alive leave you something when they die.

PPS my lovely Dad, who also doesn't have a mortgage and worked hard all his life and was a baby boomer (that's the non-derogatory term for those born at the end of the war) gives me Christmas money. £50.

Workwhat · 28/01/2024 06:53

I think we neemore info. Did they say they would give you x amount and haven't?

While I agree the generational wealth disparity is hard, I think saying you had no inheritance then saying you had 10k and saying you had help to buy is a lot of privlidge.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/01/2024 07:03

You had a house deposit plus £10k from
your dead grandfather - that's an enormous amount of help

My car is also 20 years old and I don't need a new one - is yours not running?

The difference between you and me is that it sounds like you're going to be wealthy when they die and this is why I don't believe in inherited wealth

ZekeZeke · 28/01/2024 07:04

You've already received two substantial amounts, one from your grandfather and the house deposit from your parents.
You say yourself your parents are not wealthy, you have zero knowledge of their savings. Stop being grabby.

TerfTalking · 28/01/2024 07:05

I came on to vote YABU but voting was turned off .

saltnvini · 28/01/2024 07:07

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago. My parents did help me with my house deposit

You've had "help" financially. Just accept whatever comes your way and assume you won't get anything else. It's really not on to be pressuring them for "Christmas money" yet alone over a month after Christmas. They clearly don't want to. Get over it and sort your own finances out. If you can't afford the house then you need to sell up and downsize/ rent. Loads of people are doing the same now mortgage costs have gone up.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 28/01/2024 07:08

TerfTalking · 28/01/2024 07:05

I came on to vote YABU but voting was turned off .

Yeah, me too.

Starting the thread with "My parents are boomers" says it all really.

Wadermellone · 28/01/2024 07:09

what do you mean ‘I haven’t inherited anything, except 10k from my grandad’

Your parents are alive why would you have inherited anything at all? Most people whose parents are alive haven’t inherited anything from other family members.

You talk as though you are badly done to on the inheritance front despite getting money from your grandad and having both parents Alive. And on top of that got help with a deposit for your house.

Then you had the cheek to ask for more and are annoyed it’s not been forthcoming. That’s not even considering the ageism and the clear expectation. That your parents, should fund your choices.

This can’t be real, no one is that self centred.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 28/01/2024 07:10

If they previously said they would give you a certain amount for Xmas and haven't yet sent it then no, it's not grabby to say 'any idea when you'll be able to send my Christmas gift across? I have it ear marked for blah blah'

DustyLee123 · 28/01/2024 07:11

Entitled and grabby.

BananaSpanner · 28/01/2024 07:12

It kind of depends on whether they said they were going to be giving you money for Christmas. If they had said this or if it has been done so often that it would be unusual if it didn’t happen then I think it is perfectly fine to ask your parents about it.

What happened at Christmas? Were presents discussed? What did you get them? Did you see them? How much money are we talking about?

Fulshaw · 28/01/2024 07:12

You’ve given us a lot of information that we didn’t really need.

Your question is simply ‘Should I chase up a Christmas present I was promised?’

The answer is always going to be no. It’s impolite.

Charlie2121 · 28/01/2024 07:12

putting any sort of financial pressure on your parents is a pretty grim look.

Take some personal responsibility and sort yourself out.

BananaSpanner · 28/01/2024 07:13

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 28/01/2024 07:10

If they previously said they would give you a certain amount for Xmas and haven't yet sent it then no, it's not grabby to say 'any idea when you'll be able to send my Christmas gift across? I have it ear marked for blah blah'

Agree. I think the back story was unnecessary if they had said at Xmas they would be sending you money and then hadn’t.

Hiddenvoice · 28/01/2024 07:13

Sorry but it does sound a bit grabby. Did your parents say they were going to transfer money to your for Christmas? It’s a month later and it seems likely they would have done it well before now if they were going to send money.

It sounds like your parents saved well, it’s their money though and yes things have changed and are more expensive now, it doesn’t mean they need to give you their money to help with your finances. Not being judgemental here but it sounds like your family have already given you a decent amount of support.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 28/01/2024 07:13

You sound like a childish grabbing brat. Relying on parents' kindness at your stage of life really is rather unattractive.

IWFH · 28/01/2024 07:14

Based on your posts elsewhere you are aged 47 and have paid off a substantial chunk of your mortgage. Why are you still relying on the bank of mum and dad?