Was it grabby to ask my parents about Christmas money?

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My parents are boomers. Not wealthy but I’m pretty sure they’ve got lots of savings (talking about money is awkward in my family). They never really go on really nice holidays or treat themselves even though I know they can afford. I wasn’t even allowed to rip wrapping paper off presents as a kid because it had to be reused to save money! They continue this mindset even to today.

They had ‘ordinary’ jobs but managed to pay off their mortgage in 9 years and my dad is on a gold plated final wage pension that I could only dream of. They still complain about the high interest rates they paid and seem a little out of touch as to how much harder it is to juggle expenses and pay off a mortgage. Mine is probably going to take the full 30 years at the moment. I’m single with am okay wage but far from enough for every thing I need / want. I recently managed to get a promotion and work bloody hard for an essential government department.

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago. My parents did help me with my house deposit which I’ll acknowledge was a huge help but I otherwise pay for everything myself.

My house is going through a stage where it needs some costly repairs. As most people know the cost of getting trades in has risen hugely. I also need to update my car as the one I currently have is over 20 years old.

I me mentioned to them today that maybe it would be good if my sister and I could get some Christmas money (we usually get some amount of money for Christmas). Apparently they have been discussing it in the previous week but need to get around to transferring it to us. My mum doesn’t have internet banking because she ‘doesn’t trust it’. My dad does though. How hard is it to transfer money online? I can’t believe it’s February and they haven’t got around to sending the Christmas money. I hate having to ask but while they are lovely and mean well they have terrible life skills sometimes.

Agree with the other posters. Grabby & entitled.

It’s not Christmas money though. Op asked for money today. I me mentioned to them today that maybe it would be good if my sister and I could get some Christmas money (we usually get some amount of money for Christmas).

You don’t ask for a Christmas gift, nor arrange it in January. It’s also not February.

Who goes to their parents and decides their Christmas gift in January and expects it immediately.

If her parents wanted to give her money for Christmas they would have done a month ago. Op seems to be using ‘but it’s my Christmas money’ as a cover for just asking for more money.

None of your background paragraph matters.

You’re grabby.

This reads like a wind up...

You could literally have said
Given it's almost feb - Was it unreasonable to ask my parents about money they said they give me at Christmas as a gift..."

All this fluff and nonsense is irrelevant
They are boomers!
My car is 20 years old!
I could never tear wrapping paper! Sob sob sob...*
I am cast adrift and fend for myself alone financially except actually I've had a 10k inheritance and gifted house deposit from my boomer parents!

*I grew up in the 80s EVERYONE saved wrapping paper especially NICE wrapping paper. You aren't special or hard done to.

All the replies are pretty stupid so far (typical).

If you agreed to get money in lieu of presents for Christmas (pretty normal for
adult children), and you gave your parents Christmas presents, and they haven’t transferred the money yet, then yes it’s fine to say something.

I would normally say all the stuff about them being boomers and having an easier financial time in life etc. is not super relevant to the situation (apart from making you feel aggrieved), but in this case if they’re tight fisted and it’s the reason you suspect that they’re withholding the money rather than simply forgotten, then it is a little
bit relevant.

It depends, did they say they were going to give you money at Christmas but it's not materialised, or do they normally give you money but haven't mentioned it this year?

If it's the former then yes ask, if it's the latter then don't ask.

Actually hmm, you being 47 has kind of changed my perspective. From the post I assumed you were in your 20s or maybe a struggling 30. 47 is a bit old to get money for Christmas from mum and dad. Assuming you’re not talking £100-200 here, you’ve benefitted from their generosity over many years already.

You should probably just do token gifts in future (chocs/flowers/biscuits/wine) rather than money at your ages.

How much do they normally give you?
So they gave you nothing for Xmas? No gifts?

It’s normal to take a 30 year mortgage term and have to pay it yourself.

How much money are you expecting that you can get some costly house repairs done and buy a new car?

Also at 47 you’ve not exactly missed out on the chance to make money off the property market or been in a difficult economy your whole adult life in the same way a 20-33ish year old has….. Which is what you implied in your initial post… so even more of a “hmm”.

Very grabby and out of touch with your own privilege. Eyeing your parents wealth is especially vulgar. Pay for your own repairs op!

Grabby, entitled and insulting.

“boomers”

”inheritance”

”help with house deposit”

get over yourself

Sorry OP but I agree with the majority.

10k is alot of money, and you had help with a deposit! 😳

They've worked for their money and have been generous enough to help you in the past. You're an adult, sort yourself out and allow them enjoy what they have.

For reference, my grandparents are deceased and I was given diddly squat. I also had no help with a deposit for our house but would not expect this of my parents (despite the challenging circumstances!). They are also relatively well off (own successful business and now retired, no mortgages, 2 properties etc). I am mid 20s with 2 DC.

No, not large enough for that! ( I wish) usually a few hundred dollars. Maybe 1k. This will just help with everyday purchases and bills. House repairs and new (second hand) car will all be paid for by me.

It’s more that they are completely disorganized and always seem to take ages to get around to doing or buying anything. Their house is literally falling apart despite them having the money to pay for the work. Despite the fact they’re retired they apparently never have time. I struggle hugely with executive function and suspect I may have ADHD. I think at least one of them is neurodiverse as well.

I think it’s maybe a bit too much of a nuanced situation to describe properly on Mumsnet.

while they are lovely and mean well they have terrible life skills sometimes
The irony of stating this, while not having the means or skills to deal with your own repairs and replacement needs.

Yes. This.

Well I am glad you are not my daughter. You speak of your parents in
such a horrible way as if they are greedy and owe you something. You are conceited and arrogant. Ageist also . And you did inherit something, from your grandfather,which is a lot more than what most would get .

See my previous post for amount of money (not large). No, My sister and I got nothing this Christmas. They always give us cash, eventually, but procrastinate about everything so need prodding every year which I hate. They are just a bit exasperating about never getting around to anything.

I admit to being given money by my parents over the years for various things, but they were the ones who brought up the subject & offered. My parents taught me to live within my means, and sometimes you have to figure out ways to solve problems yourself. I'm a similar age to you OP, and I'm going through some life events that means I will be significantly worse off. My parents did well in life, like yours, and like yours, saved hard and were careful with their money. I am not entitled to a bean, nor would I assume they should help. But it's nice if they do, and I also try & pay some of it back.

Yadbu.

oh just 1k that’s all?

Honestly Op I have adhd, anxiety and ptsd. It’s irrelevant here.

You are a very grown adult. And expecting your parents to finance your life choices. You talk of your parents being boomers as though that changes anything. You are of an age where you could have also greatly benefited from the property market as well.

You are complaining that your parents don’t do what you think they should with their house. While loaning they won’t pay towards you doing up your own house.

As op said above, you pay chunks off your Mortgage. You prioritise other things with your money. You aren’t in your twenties with little work experience and screwed by property prices due to your young age.

Your parents may have money in the bank but I imagine they are concerned about what they might in terms of care as they age. It's a real concern. Are you going to look after them in their old age? It doesn't sound like it. You will get an inheritance when they die if it hasn't already been spent on care homes etc.
For the record, I'm not sure of the exchange rate, but $1000 sounds like a large gift to me.

You view £1k as not large 😳
I suspect the vast majority of people do not receive a Christmas gift of that value.

Why don't you go the whole hog and ask for an advance on your inheritance 🤣, you seem to possess the bare faced cheek to do so 🫣

Yes, the situation is more like this. It was never said out loud but I’d describe it more as there’s an unspoken long term arrangement of Christmas money going to me and my sister and they always take a long time to send the money and need prompting. They literally told me they’d been discussing it this week prior to me mentioning it so it hardly came as surprise to them.

I wasn’t something, I enjoyed doing but it’s sort of become the annual Christmas money awkwardness dance I have to do.

YABU and grabby

You don't ask for gifts. You sound horrible. If your parents want to gift you money it should be on their terms and not expected

OP posted this last year.

I love my parents and will help where I can but they have the resources to pay for their own carers / care home.