Was it grabby to ask my parents about Christmas money?

[bluetongue]

My parents are boomers. Not wealthy but I’m pretty sure they’ve got lots of savings (talking about money is awkward in my family). They never really go on really nice holidays or treat themselves even though I know they can afford. I wasn’t even allowed to rip wrapping paper off presents as a kid because it had to be reused to save money! They continue this mindset even to today.

They had ‘ordinary’ jobs but managed to pay off their mortgage in 9 years and my dad is on a gold plated final wage pension that I could only dream of. They still complain about the high interest rates they paid and seem a little out of touch as to how much harder it is to juggle expenses and pay off a mortgage. Mine is probably going to take the full 30 years at the moment. I’m single with am okay wage but far from enough for every thing I need / want. I recently managed to get a promotion and work bloody hard for an essential government department.

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago. My parents did help me with my house deposit which I’ll acknowledge was a huge help but I otherwise pay for everything myself.

My house is going through a stage where it needs some costly repairs. As most people know the cost of getting trades in has risen hugely. I also need to update my car as the one I currently have is over 20 years old.

I me mentioned to them today that maybe it would be good if my sister and I could get some Christmas money (we usually get some amount of money for Christmas). Apparently they have been discussing it in the previous week but need to get around to transferring it to us. My mum doesn’t have internet banking because she ‘doesn’t trust it’. My dad does though. How hard is it to transfer money online? I can’t believe it’s February and they haven’t got around to sending the Christmas money. I hate having to ask but while they are lovely and mean well they have terrible life skills sometimes.

You sound like a spoilt entitled brat. Its your parents money not yours. You've never had an inheritance you got 10k off your grandad.

Your parents are still alive. Why do you expect their money now

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From your second post it sounds like they do intend to transfer money but haven't got round to it yet. So I think it is ok to remind them.

We didn't even get a merry Christmas message or phone call from my mother in law, let alone presents or gifts. I don't care but my 5 year old son would have appreciated a call from his nanny.

Your being grabby.

Sorry to sound harsh but yes, grabby. Christmas gifts are just that, a gift and can little or large, useful, not so useful. Try not to judge your parents for their money or lifestyle. Count bank of mum and dad closed and manage your finances yourself.

I was about to post yes it's OK to remind them, but then thought about the background and just have to say how selfish and thoughtless you sound.
I'm 66, have 4 kids and have just retired. Our mortgage just got paid off and my husband and i for the first time in our lives have a bit of financial freedom, and are enjoying it after 40 years of scrimping and making ends meet.
We'd a couple of holidays last year and planning more this year.

Yes of course we will help the kids if they need it, and have given them little treats unexpectedly like weekend breaks for our grandchildren which they were so happy about.

We will leave the house and any savings to them, but want to enjoy life while still young enough.

I would be so hurt if I read a post like this from any of them, and sorry to be blunt but you sound like a whiny brat.

Remind them about the missed present but let them live their lives, they are people, not just your mum and dad.

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago.

What does this mean OP? Why would you have got any other inheritances if both your parents are still alive? I get why you are frustrated if some money has been promised but not forthcoming but you sound very grabby and I assumed you must have been a naive 20 something until I read you are pushing 50.

@bluetongue

Of course it's not grabby to want your Xmas gift now it's nealry Feb.

I can't imagine doing this to my dc and making them wait and wait? If I couldn't afford it after setting up this expectation I would let them know in advance.

I don't think you're being grabby to expect to have recieved your Christmas gift by now, whether it's cash or actual presents. If you add into that that you've told your parents you're struggling and could really benefit from help atm.
I do however think you're grabby to think that your parents should subsidise you just because they're better off. You mention £10k from your grandad and a a house deposit from your parents as if that's 'all' you've had. I can only dream of that.

I think, to be fair, the OP has not painted herself in a good light.
All this mention of Boomers, not banking online, life skills wanting etc..is irrelevant and not helping.
However, IF, it is has been agreed, that a transfer of money is the Christmas present ( it sounds rather tacit tbf...) and in the absence if any other Christmas gifts, it may not be unreasonable to nudge a little.
OP's parents may simply have overlooked it and may not resent a nudge.
It also depends on a good, happy relationship between the parties, ie, no resentment directed at parents, plenty of appreciation when it is gifted, a lack of expectation that it is a birthright etc...

If every year you get money but they need "prodding" and it's awkward to ask, is it possible that your "unspoken agreement" is one sided? And simply that you are asking them for money every year which they don't really want to give but eventually relent because you keep prodding them?

If this is the way it is every year what makes you think they actually want to be doing this? Is it not possible that they did it in previous years and don't really want / intend to anymore? Where did this unspoken agreement come from? How many years did they do it without prodding that makes you so positive they intend to continue forever?

I know everyone's financial situation is different but I don't think it's common for parents to give their adult children deposit money after they've had an inheritance and then give them a grand every year on yoo of it.

You do sound grabby. I would be mortified to ask my parents for money because I think there's an "unspoken agreement".

I don't know why, but this has really annoyed me this morning. I read plenty of stuff I don't agree with on MN that doesn't have this effect on me, but this has!

I feel like the OP would be amazed to know that some of us have never had an inheritance, let along 'only' 10K, and probably never will. That we have had no help to buy houses, and have still managed. And that I still feel a bit guilty because my DM bought me a more expensive perfume than usual this year for Christmas!

If it's a longstanding agreement that they send money for Christmas, I can see you'd be expecting that. But perhaps be grateful for all the times it has happened, rather than moaning online about the one time it hasn't.

@Frogfleet me too. OP sounds like an in likeable sort of person.

I received 0 from my parents and so did my husband.

Sort your own life out OP and stop coveting your parents money.

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Mega grabby. Your parents probably scrimped back in the day. They don't have to explain themselves to you. Work harder if you need more money.

You do sound entitled OP. You haven’t had much inheritance because your parents aren’t dead. It will come.

If your parents didn’t give you money at Christmas it’s perhaps because their costs have gone up.

There’s nothing wrong with asking if they can help with your house costs, but just ask like a grown up rather than muttering about ‘Christmas money’ like a kid.

I got an inheritance at 44. My dad died when I was 28 and my mum when I was 44. I'd rather have one or both parents alive.

Surely when you reach a certain age you need to accept you are an independent adult, living in your own home, paying your own bills, living within your own means, you develop some pride in your ability to support yourself and accept the bank of mummy and daddy stops?

To keep prodding them for hard cash at Christmas as you get older is entitled and grabby.

Jesus.

I’ll probably be deleted for troll hunting, but if this is real you are really something else.

It's hard to imagine anybody in real life bring this foolish or entitled, so I think it's a fake, probably a journalist looking for interesting replies.

I never understand when people post on these types of threads that they would rather have their parents alive than an inheritance as if it’s a massive gotcha - lots of people lose their parents and there is no money to inherit so they have lost their parents and have no financial benefit - and they would rather their parents were still alive too! I‘m not unsympathetic- I’d lost both my parents by age 41 but I know how incredibly lucky I was to have a life changing inheritance as I know a fair few people who were no left anything as there was nothing left to leave after care home fees etc.

I am in very similar circumstances, have had very similar help from my dad in the past, and similarly didn't get a gift of Christmas money from him this year as I often have in the past (or any acknowledgement of my recent birthday at all; not even a card). I absolutely won't be saying anything about that to him, though; it's ultimately up to him what, if anything, he would like to gift me and I'm not entitled to anything from him even if he may have kindly chosen to give me Christmas/birthday money in the past.

My God you're grabby and entitled! Youre a grown adult and should be financially independent. They've already leant you money for a house deposit!
Their finances are none of your business! They've been sensible with their earnings and their money should go towards a comfortable older age and to spend it on things they enjoy - which might not be you!

You say you’ve never received an inheritance but in the next breath you go on to say apart from 10k.?..?. So you have had an inheritance! You also had help with your house deposit which I’m sure was an amazing help. Yet you still sound so entitled the way you talk in your post. I understand your predicament if your parents said you would receive money for Christmas but in January you still haven’t had it. That is pretty rubbish on parents part (providing they can afford it and you’ve not just assumed that). You could ask just say your booking someone for a quote and wondered if the Christmas money was still an option. If they say yes then great, if they still don’t transfer then unfortunately your going to have to do what most people who own houses do and save up for the work and find it yourself

Agree absolutely.