Was it grabby to ask my parents about Christmas money?

[bluetongue]

My parents are boomers. Not wealthy but I’m pretty sure they’ve got lots of savings (talking about money is awkward in my family). They never really go on really nice holidays or treat themselves even though I know they can afford. I wasn’t even allowed to rip wrapping paper off presents as a kid because it had to be reused to save money! They continue this mindset even to today.

They had ‘ordinary’ jobs but managed to pay off their mortgage in 9 years and my dad is on a gold plated final wage pension that I could only dream of. They still complain about the high interest rates they paid and seem a little out of touch as to how much harder it is to juggle expenses and pay off a mortgage. Mine is probably going to take the full 30 years at the moment. I’m single with am okay wage but far from enough for every thing I need / want. I recently managed to get a promotion and work bloody hard for an essential government department.

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago. My parents did help me with my house deposit which I’ll acknowledge was a huge help but I otherwise pay for everything myself.

My house is going through a stage where it needs some costly repairs. As most people know the cost of getting trades in has risen hugely. I also need to update my car as the one I currently have is over 20 years old.

I me mentioned to them today that maybe it would be good if my sister and I could get some Christmas money (we usually get some amount of money for Christmas). Apparently they have been discussing it in the previous week but need to get around to transferring it to us. My mum doesn’t have internet banking because she ‘doesn’t trust it’. My dad does though. How hard is it to transfer money online? I can’t believe it’s February and they haven’t got around to sending the Christmas money. I hate having to ask but while they are lovely and mean well they have terrible life skills sometimes.

Okay, I’ll take this one on the chin that I’ve been grabby

I appreciate everyone’s feedback. It’s good to be given a reality check every now and again.

I don't think you're entitled and grabby!
My interpretation is they give you money for Christmas instead of gifts (fair enough) and you need it to do house repairs / new car ... you just need your know when it's coming

You've actually reminded me I need to get my DH his Christmas present ...

If it's AU, then it's about £500

"I've never had any inheritance other than £10k" wtf? You sound like a spoilt child

I wasn’t something, I enjoyed doing but it’s sort of become the annual Christmas money awkwardness dance I have to do.

Stop doing it then. If they send it, great. If they don't, get on with life.

Expecting regular money from your parents is childish.

Feels like you can't wait to get your hands on your inheritance. Boomers eh?

I don't get some of the responses here.

You DPs literally said they would give you Christmas money, then have prevaricated for a ridiculously long time about giving it. It's rude to offer a gift and then never follow through, either it's fine to ask for it or next year if they start talking about the financial gift tell them to stop as they never gave it to you.

YABVU. My late DF usually gives me money for Christmas. Last year he wasn't feeling well and completely forgot. I would no more have asked him for it than I would fly to the moon.

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago.

Oh poor you, my heart bleeds. I didn't receive anything from my grandparents, nor did any of my friends.

Your parents can do whatever they want with their money, because it is their money, not yours. Talk about entitled!!

Oh right i see. I'd not bother mentioning it and if it happens it happens

That might be the OP's opinion not her parents . She doesn't seem to be in a position to help them financially.

"I've never had an inheritance "

"Apart from 10k from my grandfather"

WTAF. You HAVE had an inheritance!10k is loads.

What kind of thing do you have in mind when you think inheritance!!?

My understanding is that their usual custom is to give money.

Did they actually promise and not deliver this year?

Could you ask for a loan and then pay it back? That seems fairer. But you need to pay them back

OP my mum also says she'll give me money for xmas / birthdays and then takes weeks/months to transfer it (even though she has online banking). It will only ever be maximum £200 pound though and over the years I have learnt not to rely on it coming on time. She sends it eventually. I don't chase her up on it but may casually mention it if it's ever on topic.

Your statements about inheritance / the house deposit is what's making you seem grabby. That has got nothing to do with your Christmas money and is a lot more than most people get.

I agree with this I think.

They didn't give OP a Christmas present because the long standing arrangement is "we won't buy you a gift, we'll give you some money instead".
Then last week they said to OP "we've been discussing the money we'll give you for Christmas"

I think the parents are being a bit useless tbh. Whether it's £500 cash, or a £1 chocolate bar, sort out a Christmas present so the recipient gets it at Christmas, surely?

I do think the OP reads as a bit grabby though. Although it would be a bit annoying to have a parent say at the end of Jan "oh we're just thinking about what we're giving you for Christmas!"

Really grabby and entitled. “ only a £10k inheritance “ and help with house deposit!!! That’s a lot more than most people ever get! And it doesn’t sound as if you’re expecting £20 in an envelope- more like a considerable sim of money. Your parents have no obligation to keep bailing you out.

I am staggered that you feel entitled to anything from your parents. How bloody dare you!

bluetongue £1000 is not a large routine Xmas gift?!
Blimey. You'd love my well off PIL who give us £30. And no house deposit.

This. OP sounds charming.

Expecting regular money from your parents is childish.

^ especially at 47!

Yes I think it’s very grabby . I’m a “ boomer “. Worked full time from 16. Paid rent to my parents from the day I started work . Got a mortgage at 22 and paid it all off over 30 years . Never received , or borrowed a penny from anyone else . No inheritance ever received and highly unlikely now . I managed without all the things I wanted or thought I needed until I could afford to buy them myself
It’s not their job to support you or to be giving monetary gifts to their adult children ! It’s theirs to enjoy & spend as they wish .

YABVVU So you don't know if your parents have savings, you don't know if they are wealthy, they've already helped you with a house deposit and you're chasing them for more. Yes that's grabby and entitled.

Stop criticising your dm for not using mobile banking and take a good look at yourself! You are patronising and rude as well. It is her choice how she does her banking and nothing to do with you.

If your dps have promised you a cash present for Xmas unprompted, then it is reasonable to ask when it will be transferred, but otherwise, stop scrounging.

"I've never had an inheritance"... well yes, because your parents aren't dead?! That's quite an odd statement, OP!

I do take your point though. I always get a very large cheque at Christmas. This is longstanding and is due to some generational wealth that none of us did anything to earn, so it gets shared out by my parents and that is normal in our family. I'd have no qualms about asking my mum where the cheque was if she forgot! It sounds like this is also normal in your family, and your parents have been meaning to arrange it, so I don't see why you shouldn't ask about it.

Greedy and grabby.

It's not even as if you're in your early 20s - getting a foot on the housing ladder is much harder for young people than it was for someone your age.

I have 4 dead grandparents. I didn't receive anything from any of them because they didn't have anything to leave. "Only 10k" is huge and you should be deeply appreciative of it.

I didn't get any parental support to buy my first house and it never crossed my mind that I would. I was an adult so expected to pay for it myself. You seem to show a lack of appreciation for what they have done.

It must be a bit annoying that your parents say that they will give you money for Christmas and then are disorganised so don't transfer it but the money is a gift. It is not something that they owe you. It is not something that you are entitled to. It's incredibly rude to chase them up. "only a few hundred, maybe 1k".That's way more than most people would get from their parents.

Your parents have spent their lives working hard in ordinary jobs. They have savings because they lived frugally and didn't indulge themselves with nice things. Yet you expect them to blow those savings by indulging you with large gifts of money?

I don't think I have ever felt so angry towards a poster as I have felt reading this self-centred post and equally self-centred updates.