Was it grabby to ask my parents about Christmas money?

[bluetongue]

My parents are boomers. Not wealthy but I’m pretty sure they’ve got lots of savings (talking about money is awkward in my family). They never really go on really nice holidays or treat themselves even though I know they can afford. I wasn’t even allowed to rip wrapping paper off presents as a kid because it had to be reused to save money! They continue this mindset even to today.

They had ‘ordinary’ jobs but managed to pay off their mortgage in 9 years and my dad is on a gold plated final wage pension that I could only dream of. They still complain about the high interest rates they paid and seem a little out of touch as to how much harder it is to juggle expenses and pay off a mortgage. Mine is probably going to take the full 30 years at the moment. I’m single with am okay wage but far from enough for every thing I need / want. I recently managed to get a promotion and work bloody hard for an essential government department.

I’ve never received an inheritance apart from 10k from my grandfather a few years ago. My parents did help me with my house deposit which I’ll acknowledge was a huge help but I otherwise pay for everything myself.

My house is going through a stage where it needs some costly repairs. As most people know the cost of getting trades in has risen hugely. I also need to update my car as the one I currently have is over 20 years old.

I me mentioned to them today that maybe it would be good if my sister and I could get some Christmas money (we usually get some amount of money for Christmas). Apparently they have been discussing it in the previous week but need to get around to transferring it to us. My mum doesn’t have internet banking because she ‘doesn’t trust it’. My dad does though. How hard is it to transfer money online? I can’t believe it’s February and they haven’t got around to sending the Christmas money. I hate having to ask but while they are lovely and mean well they have terrible life skills sometimes.

After two lots of financial assistance perhaps learning to live with your means would be more useful.

I read your first post with increasing irritation, if not anger.

The deposit for a house, maybe 20K plus 19K.
Money every year for Christmas.

You're single, so no expenses other than your own.

What they do with their money is up to them. If they take ages to make a decision about buying something, perhaps it’s because they remember having to choose very carefully what to spend their money on. In any case, it’s their money, not your inheritance (yet)

Do what thousands of others do, if you need more money. Either cut back or get a second job. People work evenings and weekends when they need to make extra. I certainly did.

You don’t have dependents, you can please yourself, so get up and do something if you need money for repairs and stop expecting it to be given. Middle aged people should be independent.

What did you buy your parents for Christmas @bluetongue?

Wow! You don't want to keep asking for your Xmas money ... well, just don't then!

Just read your update OP. So up to £1k each for you and your DSis is a lot of money to come up with each Xmas! Maybe if you've mentioned your need for house repairs and new car to them they think you're implying to them you'd appreciate more than £1k!

Maybe they're struggling financially more than they like to admit and cant afford big sums like that any more, especially if their own house needs expensive repairs too.

Maybe their bills are getting out of hand.

Maybe as you imply they may have ND its an executive function issue. We don't know.

I'm afraid the only way forward is for you, your sister and your DPs to sit down and calmly have an embarassing and frank talk about money, expenses and expectations.

You got a 10k inheritance AND help to buy your house, and you’re still baying for cash to do repairs on your house? What have I read?!

Your parents also haven’t died yet, so presumably you WILL get an inheritance when they do.

No one is going to feel sorry for your here. Get a grip and some responsibility for yourself.

I’m 61 - younger people think our generation are boomers. It’s ridiculous, those of us who bought property in the late 80s and were on endowment mortgages were both done over by the system and paying mortgages - in the period before the crash - that left us barely able to cover our bills. If we have savings now, we will end up spending them on care as we get older. That’s if we haven’t been done by equity release.

Inheritance from grandparents is something few people get. Handouts from parents likewise.

Your parents know your situation, they lived through a similar one

At 61 you are on the boarderline of boomer/ gen x. But in the boomer side.

Op is 47 so it’s likely that her parents are around the middle of what is known as the boomer generation.

You are far too entitled. Stop slagging your parents off and grow up.

I think that if they haven't even bought you a token gift for Christmas, then that's a bit rubbish of them. And if they agreed to give money, they really ought to have transferred it by now. I'm assuming you bought them Christmas presents?

That is a separate issue to your general resentment regarding your upbringing and their finances now though.
They have money now because they were careful. Life wasn't easier for everyone back in their generation - my parents were the same generation as yours and there was lots of financial struggles (redundancies, very high interest rates). Your folks probably had their tough times too and are mindful that tough times can come around quickly, however good everything looks now. It isn't wrong that they keep their money for their old age.

I think there's a general illusion in today's society that everyone in our parent generation had easy lives and therefore owe the younger generations the profit from their houses and all their money. The truth is that your folks owed you support in your childhood but that's it really.
You've done well by bringing given a contribution to a house deposit and an inheritance at all - that already gives you a step up that millions of other people don't have.

It's really not your parents who are not good at life skills @bluetongue

Though what you clearly mean is, you're always after a handout which then takes a while for them to give you.

Maybe they've cottoned on to you and decided that at nearly 50 it's time you paid your own bills.

house deposit help and 10k inheritance and you’re being grabby still. do you realise how much of us get absolutely zilch 🤣 work for your own shit

They obviously don't want to give you the money every year. So don't hound them for it. Presumably they think you've already gotten enough out of them and they'd be right. You 'think' they have savings but without being sure, you want to leech off them futher? Have a think about how others would view that.

God, are you still continuing to justify yourself?!

What did you give them for Christmas?

I can't believe you actually asked when they're giving you some money.

My parents are boomers

You lost me with the ageist slur in the opening sentence

This.

You really should read what you wrote again, and then look up the word entitlement in the dictionary.
Maybe shame as well.

Sorry but yes you are. An inheritance and help with a deposit is a lot more than most people get. Plus 1K at Christmas 😮

You realise that to get an inheritance people need to die who had money and leave you something. You know it's not a right or natural part of growing up like getting taller or losing your baby teeth don't you.

Sorry to see people being so nasty to you OP. It seems totally excessive to say the least. Loons. (You always get the angry pile-ons and same tropes wheeled out on these kinds of threads unfortunately.).

🌷

Wow

I cannot believe the entitlement oozing from every word of your post!

You have had a 10k inheritance AND money for a deposit!
You do know that your parent's money is theirs right? They earnt it and it is entirely up to them how they spend it. They could live to be a 100!

I want my surviving parent to spend their money on having as lovely a life as they possibly can. The very idea of taking money from is anathema to me.

Grow up for God's sake!

What's the difference between a pile-on and a majority of people reading a post, interpreting it in the same way and reaching the same opinion of a poster?

Gosh, only a £10k inheritance and help towards a deposit for a house, poor you, how badly you've been treated and now your slack family haven't even paid you the Christmas money you were promised. Dear me, listen to yourself. If you're not hearing it, you come across as greedy, grabby and entitled.