I put this parody on another thread...lighthearted, of course, tongue firmly in cheek....I am not giving up the day job any time soon...🤣
ATTENSHUN!
GET INTO LINE YOU ORRIBLE LOT!!!
'Excuse me, sir, my mum says you can't shout at me'
AS I SAID GET IN LINE! RIGHT! YOU ARE HERE FOR 6 WEEKS BASIC TRAINING BEFORE DEPLOYMENT
'Ooo...where will we go? Will I need my bikini? I will need to book a tanning session!
NO SYKES, YOU ARE GOING TO FIGHT!
'Fight? fight?
YES PIKE! FIGHT!
'OH, my mum says I can't do that. It's bad for my anxiety!
SO WILL BEING INVADED PIKE!
WALKER! GET OFF YOUR PHONE!
My mum said I have to text to let her know where I am every hour..
PUT IT AWAY! RIGHT! MOVING ON, GO, AND COLLECT UNIFORMS FROM THE ROOM ON THE LEFT!
'Do you have any bigger Sir, this is a bit snug?
YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT RYAN, IT WILL FIT PROPERLY IN A WEEK OR TWO! EXERCISE WILL GET THAT WEIGHT OFF!
'I can't lose weight sir, its who I am! Big and beautiful' I don't like exercise, I'll get my mum to write a note, you can't make me do it!
FFS!
'Sir, I don't like this one, I want to wear the womens uniform.'
YOU ARE A MAN, WEAR IT!
'You are being offensive. If I identify as a woman, then you need to provide me with womens uniform.
FFS! I GIVE UP! I QUIT! NATURAL SELECTION IS NEEDED NOT CONSCRIPTION!