Holiday apartment with in laws; no internal doors!

[Sooty20235]

I have no actual reason for this post apart from sharing my horror and hoping for some funny stories of surviving nightmare holidays from others.

Agreed to go on holiday with in laws and was admittedly very hands off and relaxed about the actual booking, leaving it to my partner who left it to his parents. (Obviously never ever going to do this again!) Cost wasn’t an issue for us but partner and family can be frugal. They are all very close.

Arrived a few days ago and the tiny apartment has no internal doors so there is no escaping each other or privacy. The bedrooms each open on to the living and kitchen area with just curtains, and you have to go through one bedroom to leave the apartment.

Im halfway through and really struggling. Tried to nap earlier but there was no effort to keep voices down. I’m so so tempted to book the gorgeous 4* hotel next door but I know it will upset people.

Never ever never doing this again and who on earth designs an apartment with no bloody internal doors!?

I could not get past him telling his parents that you have psychological "issues", I just wouldn't trust him again and I would be wondering what else he was telling people about me. Best of luck OP, I think you are going to need it.

Yes Austrian apartments are lovely.

We stayed in one in Ellmau and couldn't get over how lovely and spacious it was, plus the staff were so nice to us compared to how we get treated in France usually.

I'm assuming they're French

There's no reason for anyone to be upset though is there?

Even with doors it might still be too noisy for Op.

So is he at the lovely apartment with you Op?

I don't like the way he seems to have blamed you.

Different people like different things & you have found a solution!

I'll be blunt op. Was your dp not hoping for some sex on this trip? Hardly viable unless he was hoping for a round of applause post finish?

I guessed you were going to say you were skiing.

Tiny apartments with just cubby holes with beds and a sofa bed in the kitchen/living room are common. They’re just a place to sleep after a day on the slopes and an evening of après-ski.

It’s more common in France to go skiing for the weekend or several times a year rather than it necessarily being a big holiday. It’s about the skiing rather than a holiday IYSWIM.

We tend to think of a ski holiday as being an expensive luxury holiday but it France it can be less of a big thing, more like going to Butlins or camping or your caravan, a cheap getaway 😂

I really really wonder about this too. It honestly seems that he cares more about his family than sex and that is just not like him at all.
If he dares to suggest it now I’ve got an apartment I might end up laughing in his face. He wants to make up the sofa bed but I’m perfectly happy in the bumk beds 😂

This is a plain old-fashioned culture clash. I have the same with my in-laws. They like to all pile in together, the more the merrier. They positively relish hustle and bustle and noise and everyone talking at the same time. They come from a country where people have big families, big meals, music and dancing, drinking and laughing. I can do that once in a while, for a wedding or a party or Christmas Day. I could NOT do that overnight, for two days or for my holiday let alone an entire week. Don't do it with my own family and friends, it would be hell on earth to do that with someone else's family and friends!

Neither is wrong. You're just different. You're not defective or snooty or rude for not being able to put up with their arrangement. If they think you are, they're insecure about themselves and are taking personal offence. Not your fault or your problem how they react, you don't have to apologise for being culturally different from them.

Please tell me you told him that for your psychological well being, he needs to toddle off back to the place he's staying with his parents and that the sofa bed was off limits.

I have never forgotten the time my in laws came to stay with us (we were living overseas) in our very tiny apartment. We had said that we had no spare room but no, they insisted. Husband didn't like to say no as they wanted to visit the area and couldn't afford a hotel. They slept on cushions in the lounge, which was separated from our bedroom by only a set of cupboards dividing the space. The cupboards didn't reach the ceiling, so no soundproofing. The only access to the bathroom was through our bedroom... It was boiling hot and we sleep naked so were uncovered as had thrown the sheet off as it was too hot. It was not the most pleasant awakening as father in law traipsed through half way through the night, trying to avert his gaze as I grabbed for the sheet. Never again!

Wow, things are escalating. The dad is furious and now refusing to take us back to the airport and we have no where to stay for the last night. What an absolute prick for booking a 1.5 bedroom apartment and then expecting an adult who is not part of that family to enjoy it.

Sorry, hard to read when that Sainsbury's advert is all over my screen, but how long have you known this man and how many times have you met his family?

If his dad is kicking off now, is that normal behaviour for him? Is drink involved?

He's seriously refusing to take you to the airport? He's that petty? Well, that tells you all you need to know about him.

Leave this to your partner to sort out. He must be so embarrassed.

(Lack of accommodation for the last night is on you, though: what did you think you were going to do? Surely not go back to the apartment? Just go home early)

Hope you get home ok OP.

My ILs once booked somewhere that looked like it had two double bedrooms as there were photos of a bed from two different angles. They had read the accommodation was 2-4.

Reader, it did not have two double bedrooms. We were in the open plan lounge/kitchen/hall on the sofa bed for the week.

On 100k a year - I'd book the most expensive hotel I could find for the last night and a taxi to the airport. Or a taxi to the airport, and a hotel there if you need to.

And I'd be very clear to DH that I would never, under any circumstances have contact with his parents again if his father continued with this kind of threat.

Sorry op this sounds awful!

But also you've been with your dp for 7 years, have you not had an inkling about what he and his family were like till now?

In laws stingy and intrusive...your partner more willing to imply you are mentally unwell than own a decision of his own (to follow you to the new flat)...

What a shambles all round.

I'd go home early. You're only in France, not in Antartica, you can order yourself a taxi and buy a new flight.

I also wonder why you booked the alternative apartment for an insufficient number of nights.

If it were me I'd have cut short the holiday entirely rather than going to alternative accommodation.

It’s not available for the final night unfortunately. I thought two nights of privacy would be nice for everyone then a big joint clean up of main apartment and leaving early next morning anyway. I didn’t think wanting a closeable door between his dad’s farts and my bed was going to cause such an issue although thought they would be a bit offended because they are like that.

currently having my bath and wine browsing spa hotels near the airport feeling remarkably zen about it all. At least I know never to try this again😵‍💫

The bonkers thing is yes I did and in hindsight I don’t know why on earth either of us thought this was a good plan. That was really wrong on both our parts. Absolutely bonkers of me, don’t know what was running through my mind. I think it was just me trying and hoping to fit in and be all relaxed about his family. I just can’t do it though and I really know that now.

Totally this.

What a complete mess.

And I'd be very clear to DH that I would never, under any circumstances have contact with his parents again if his father continued with this kind of threat.

But also agree with this. It is not OK. Hope you find your spa hotel and enjoy it.

I wouldn't go on a holiday with them again after his dad kicking off because you want doors.

I'd find a hotel for the last night somewhere near the airport. His parents are being ridiculous, how your partner acts now is going to tell you a lot about his character.

I'm sensing from your updates that you and your dp are more on the same page now whew!

Hope you get that airport hotel and it has an enormous bath for you to have a glass of wine in.

FIL will feel embarrassed by his outburst and call you to apologise in a couple of weeks^

^hopefully

Apart from spending a fortune (that we can afford and who goes skiing thinking it will be cheap) on rearranged plans I’ll admit I’m having a lovely time and now completely of the opinion that if old grumpy man doesn’t like young independent woman sorting out issues (issues that include not hearing him fart away) with her own money that just isn’t my issue.
no doubt there will be challenges in years to come with the huge culture clash but I know my boundaries now and I will continue to be clear about them.
thank you to all of you for your stories, humour, different perspectives and sanity. Thank god for mumsnet.