Holiday apartment with in laws; no internal doors!

[Sooty20235]

I have no actual reason for this post apart from sharing my horror and hoping for some funny stories of surviving nightmare holidays from others.

Agreed to go on holiday with in laws and was admittedly very hands off and relaxed about the actual booking, leaving it to my partner who left it to his parents. (Obviously never ever going to do this again!) Cost wasn’t an issue for us but partner and family can be frugal. They are all very close.

Arrived a few days ago and the tiny apartment has no internal doors so there is no escaping each other or privacy. The bedrooms each open on to the living and kitchen area with just curtains, and you have to go through one bedroom to leave the apartment.

Im halfway through and really struggling. Tried to nap earlier but there was no effort to keep voices down. I’m so so tempted to book the gorgeous 4* hotel next door but I know it will upset people.

Never ever never doing this again and who on earth designs an apartment with no bloody internal doors!?

This is why I never book studio type apartments on holiday. No privacy, so space, everyone on top of each other. I'd rather save up and pay for accommodation with a room each. I know it's expensive but the inability to escape everybody for some down time, or to read a book in peace, or to take a nap or to even have a shag is worth every penny to me (and also why we don't go on holiday every year as it's too pricy!)

Op I'm with you. Book the hotel

This is absolutely not the norm and just because "D"P is fine with it does not mean you are unreasonable not to be.

I would put in the bin for that psychological problem comment. Really pleased you have an escape plan but I think you have some more thinking to do about your horrible partner.

Op - i am a people pleaser and quite tight with money so I'd put up with most things but no doors?! Get into the hotel today!
We're off on holiday with my DHs family and apart from some disputes regarding dates it's been OK, mostly because his parents offered to pay but suggested we all choose our own hotels and do 50% our own thing and then meet at specific times for group activities/dinners etc. It's the only way to cope with an extended family holiday!

Sorry op I replied before I'd read your updates - what an awful thing to say about you.

I only have a couple of questions.
Though first and foremost no you're not weird for wanting proper doors on your rooms. From a fire safety perspective above anything else I wouldn't be ok with it. You say you aren't related by speak about having in-laws? The phrase is a legal term for being "in law" and therefore married into the family. Which would make you family. Unless they're just your boyfriend's parents which is different.
My only other query is where you talk about them being between you and coffee, or where you say you're sat talking to him now. So are you being a petulant child and typing on your phone while they're trying to interact with you? That wouldn't help anything and would just make you seem rude. I realise I might be misunderstanding and the main thing is you are of course allowed to be uncomfortable and you're also allowed to book somewhere else. His comment to his parents would have me leaving there lickety-split anyway.

I’m in the lovely new apartment and partner (nope not married in answer to pp, just easier to say inlaws and been together 7 years) is now being very apologetic and says he understands my point….maybe he needs a poo. 💩

have probably pissed off the parents and no doubt they will all be talking about it but fuck it, I am NEVER repeating this again so who cares. If it becomes an issue he can find a new girlfriend who is happy to hear his dad fart 24/7.

Going to go and buy myself coffee and cake to have in apartment and just have a good private cry then think about how to salvage the next couple of days.

From my experience it is pretty normal for the french but not so much for us. I went skiing a couple of times with french friends - sharing an apartment (with doors!) only for several members of their extended family to turn up and squeeze in. They genuinely didn't see it as a problem and, to be fair, if my family had turned up they would have welcomed them with opened arms. I was miffed though - having paid half of accommodation, food etc.

Sorry OP but I laughed at the "maybe he needs a 💩" Though I think you could be right! Enjoy your coffee and cake and chalk this all up to experience. You'll be able to look back on this and laugh in a few years whether you and boyfriend last the course or not. He is between a rock and a hard place in a way but that isn't your problem to fix.

Can you not take yourself out to a cafe for coffee and cake rather than stay in? That's what I would do, go for a lovely stroll and then spend an hour in a nice cafe, leave the others to it

It sounds a very odd holiday all round, France in January, with in-laws (why?!) but clearly not a city.

Why would you book the whole apartment rather than hotel?

Why would you not have coffee and cake at the actual cafe?

This whole thing is odd.

OMG I just read this in horror

Love in the in-laws but whenever I book anywhere self catering it needs to have a minimum of 2 bathrooms never mind no doors!!

I wouldn’t have even stayed one day, nope nope nope!

Well done on leaving, maybe away from his family your partner can see how unreasonable he is being.

I know the term can be overused, but this feels like gaslighting to me. The fact that you’re having to desperately try and justify yourself for the most normal feeling int he world is horrible to read. Of course it’s not psychologically weird to not want to sleep in basically the same room as your in-laws for a week.

You’re uncomfortable: a normal reaction. Your partner’s reaction is to blame you and make you feel bad. He’s in the wrong.

Has he explained to his parents that you don't have a psychological problem, then, since he's all apologetic? Honestly, fuck him for saying that.

Skiing!

And coffee and cake in new apartment because it will be so wonderful to have it there in peace. Then a bit of skiing, then a bath, book and wine and i think i can become a nice and normal person again who can face the world and be cheerful. I’m not even that much of an introvert normally and have done quite a few big holidays with various friends and family.

I am kicking myself so so hard for not being more proactive about the accommodation, it is a big lesson learnt. I thought I would be quite chilled about whatever it was like, but never imagined no doors and really only 1.5 bedrooms.

This new place is only 1 minute walk away, gorgeous, cheap and I feel so so so much happier. Thank you all of you wonderful people on here. I think the culture part is so interesting, and we have definitely been brought up in very different family cultures but are now discussing it in a good way together.

I'm not sure what's particularly odd apart from the apartment that was booked and the lack of doors. Why not book an apartment over a hotel? I never stay in hotels. And it's not that odd to go on holiday with in-laws is it?

I find your post odder

bigoldnamechange I think your comments are quite odd!! I expect the op is just doing what she fancies after being cooped up with the in-laws. If I was feeling miserable I wouldn't want to sit in a cafe.

Maybe I am odd, I didn't think of skiing, it didn't sound like skiing somehow!

France is all about cafe society for me.

I love my family on both sides but would never go on holiday with them! I prob am the odd one 😜

Ah @Sooty20235 the whole thing makes more sense if it's a skiing holiday.

It's positively a French badge of honour to scrunch yourselves into an apartment too small for your needs and bring every scrap of food with you to keep costs down.

I believe the logic is you will be so tired after the skiing that you won't care.

Wouldn't be for me, we tried a ski apartment at full capacity with friends in our 20s, 7 of us in an apartment with 2 bedrooms and one toilet- it was grim.

Then you're expected to clean it within an inch of your life when leaving, including cleaning windows.

Odd post and somewhat aggressive. People ski in January.

I think there's two things going on. The first is a culture thing - or might be just a family culture thing, but also can be a nationality culture thing? Personal space is very culture- specific.

This is compounded by the language thing. Functioning in a language that you aren't fluent in is so, so exhausting. It's really easy to forget how exhausting it is unless you are in the middle of it.

So yeah - culture shock plus mental exhaustion =unexpectedly difficult.

Glad you have got it sorted OP.

It’s funny what works for some, but not others. For our first wedding anniversary we booked a v pricey country hotel/restaurant here in England. To my shock the en-suite was in the bedroom itself, in fact a screen with open ends at both sides and a shower and toilet behind it! Apparently based on some trendy Scandi design. I spent the whole weekend looking for toilet in the public spaces where I could, y’know. I examine photos and descriptions with a fine tooth comb now 😂

Well done OP!! Not easy at the best of times to holiday with other family members. especially in-laws, and only works for us because we all have a strict understanding that we don't live in each other's pockets while we are there. Do our own thing for the most part and come together in the evening, unless there is something that we all want do. And that's with accommodation with doors (and at least 2 loos!!)

This happened to me once. We went away with my in laws for a wedding and our bedroom was only accessible via my PIL bedroom and the bathroom was off our bedroom. It was awful. Thank god only for a few days but given my ILs had paid for it and we were away for a family wedding we had to just suck it up. I was pregnant at the time too.

Holy fuck no!

In no way normal. The only way I would holiday with in-laws is a hotel with separate rooms. Not sharing an apartment, we only have people stay for 2 days in our own home with separate rooms

worst though is your DH saying you have psychological problems, that is unforgivable. Say him wanting his parents to hear him have sex is more of an issue….. not that you would have felt remotely in the mood!

Yes yes yes to that first paragraph! They are definitely so proud of the cheap apartment all the food they brought and constantly comment on how expensive the food in the village supermarkets is (I really don’t think it’s that bad tbh).

We earn over 100k between us and haven’t been skiing for 8 years as been saving for a house. Mostly we do camping holidays or very short one night walking breaks. So we can bloody well afford to spend some money on chocolate from a village supermarket, and maybe even a spur of the moment meal…. Oh the extravagance!

I do actually really admire their attitude and I wish I could fit in with it. I just really don’t seem to be able to, although it would be easier if it was my family I suppose.