Holiday apartment with in laws; no internal doors!

[Sooty20235]

I have no actual reason for this post apart from sharing my horror and hoping for some funny stories of surviving nightmare holidays from others.

Agreed to go on holiday with in laws and was admittedly very hands off and relaxed about the actual booking, leaving it to my partner who left it to his parents. (Obviously never ever going to do this again!) Cost wasn’t an issue for us but partner and family can be frugal. They are all very close.

Arrived a few days ago and the tiny apartment has no internal doors so there is no escaping each other or privacy. The bedrooms each open on to the living and kitchen area with just curtains, and you have to go through one bedroom to leave the apartment.

Im halfway through and really struggling. Tried to nap earlier but there was no effort to keep voices down. I’m so so tempted to book the gorgeous 4* hotel next door but I know it will upset people.

Never ever never doing this again and who on earth designs an apartment with no bloody internal doors!?

Oh, I totally didn't get your post and the no doors thing (I'm married to a French man and have lived in France for, yikes, 20 years), but when I finally got to the bit about it being skiing, I thought, right, of course!

Ski rentals have just always been pretty expensive to the common mortal and so they take tiny places and ram as many beds into them as possible and rent them out for even more money! We were in 16m2 once that was set up to sleep seven!

My DH's family used to have a tiny ski flat and they would cram it full of relations, so they're quite used to it, but I have to say that we've never done that and DH definitely wouldn't want to do that now we can afford a separate place, let alone me.

If it helps, I'm still the weird outsider after 20 years even though my in-laws are adorable and (I'm pretty sure, do like me). DH just explains any decision that his family would think odd by saying that it's a British thing ... 😆It's actually pretty funny now.

Enjoy your privacy ;)

Are the other partners there now? Do they really think it's OK? Or are they not there and people are just assuming that if they were then they wouldn't have a problem.

Good luck. Is this the first time in 7 years your DP has been a total arse, or can you think of more examples now you've got space to think?

My bf and I call this the “lobby visit” after brekkie. Even if there is a proper toilet I’m not always keen to use that for particular visits 😜

So he understands your point now he has see your lovely new apartment??
(Your singular I hope!)

He sounds bloody awful tbh.

I'd hate it.

To me it is not normal.

I put a value on my privacy and my ability to be able to relax while on holiday. If this, for you, means that you stay in a place that has rooms with doors, then that works for you.
What works for your OH doesn't have to work for you, btw. He can stay in tent town if he wants. It's not a one size fits all situation here. You can meet up with them after breakfast or whatever and do stuff during the day but in the evening, you have your creature comforts that you like to return to and you're not going to give them up. Why should you?

Just move into the apartment/hotel for the remainder of your holiday and be able to relax.

It's a HOLIDAY remember!!!!

@diddl He doesn't sound awful too me, he just sounds French.

@LookItsMeAgain It is normal if you are French, not normal if you are British.

Ah, the skiing aspect makes it all make more sense now. People do put up with more crowded basic accommodation in ski resorts because you are out all day skiing then maybe going out to eat/a bar or cooking in if on a budget then crashing out - the fresh air is a great sedative.

Plenty of adults end up sleeping in bunk beds etc, which is something they would never countenance on a beach holiday. The bigger problem with small ski apartments is always the lack of clothing and equipment storage and the inadequacy of the hot water for everyone coming off the slopes at the same time.

Having read your update, I’m now going to swim against the tide and say you are being a bit precious.

I'm so pleased to see this update.

Shocked that your partner wasn't open to seeing things from your perspective. Hope he managed to have a shite in peace and left your bathroom in a tidy (and not filled with toxic aromas) fashion 😆

Definitely you need to take charge of booking places to stay when you go on holidays again. He's just piss poor at it and doesn't deserve to stay in luxury accommodation in comparison to where he is staying. I take it you just booked for you and not you and him?

@Vinrouge4 yes I understand now the op has explained it's a skiing holiday. Context is everything!

Some people have a really high tolerance for shared space. I remember going to meet a friend in Amsterdam a few years ago. She and her DH, DD and friend were all over from the US. They were sharing a single room in a hotel - all four of them - and she offered for me to join them! Five people in one room with a single bathroom 😱

I said 'Nah, you're alright, I'll get my own room'. Not only that, but I booked myself into the Radisson Blu. It was bliss! But the horror of sharing a room with four other people - I couldn't get over it. They were all absolutely fine though and I think thought that I'm probably a bit posh and precious that I declined the menage a cinq in favour of my own private loo 😂

Well done.
In laws might feel a bit put out initially but once they've had time for any emotion to wave away hopefully they'll take onboard that Sooty needs some privacy and make sure accommodation is more suitable next time.

Op, he needs to apologise to you in front of his parents for telling them you have psychological problems.

Do not let that slide. It is really not ok. You should be a unit with your partner with no back stabbing to his parents.

@diddlHe doesn't sound awful too me, he just sounds French.

Not even trying to understand Op's pov.

Neither is right or wrong really.

He's ok to stay somewhere with curtains Op isn't.

Shouldn't really be a drama but he & his family are maybe taking it too personally?

I do wonder this and I think there is a fine line between being ok in a small apartment with two separate bedrooms with internal doors and what really is a 1.5 bedroom apartment with the 0.5 of a bedroom basically in the hall/corridor so the people with that have to take over the living space/don’t have anywhere else to go. Two actual bedrooms might have been ok. One curtained room off the main living area and one curtained room in the hall is too extreme for me and surely other adult couples would think so.

we tried to have a nap after skiing yesterday but couldn’t because kept being woken up by loud conversation. Not their fault especially as one has hearing problems but just so hard with only a curtain between us.

To be fair I think there is an element of that. He said it took some time for him to think about how it all felt for me then he started to understand.

And he said the psychological problem was him trying to explain to parents that it wasn’t anything they had done, it was my need for space. He said it’s a language thing hmmm. Still a bit pissed off about that but also just feeling so much more relaxed and happy already in own space.

I think I know the set up you mean OP and I would have thought that's really only suitable for a family with young DCs, not 4 adults.

And he said the psychological problem was him trying to explain to parents that it wasn’t anything they had done, it was my need for space. He said it’s a language thing hmmm

Nope. Not ok and he still needs to retract it and apologise to you in front of them.

He is a coward. He followed you to the nice apartment but fabricated some psychological problems of yours to justify it instead of explaining that he and you want to be more comfortable.

Do not let this slide. He has completely undermined you in quite an insidious way.

I get the impression you don't have kids. Perhaps you're thinking of having them in the future - him not taking your side, and blaming you for joint decisions, would be 100% more frequent and awful with a baby.

He has really got to make that right.

SO pleased to read your update @Sooty20235 !!
Well done ,must have taken a bit of gumption (and I would have lacked this )but absolutely the right action .

Couldn't agree more. Feels icky.

See I do completely agree and last time I went skiing 8 of us shared an apartment and had a brilliant time even though there was only one loo and limited hot water. But we did have doors and it didn’t feel so so cramped and inescapable.

his parents aren’t skiing so when we got back yesterday we crashed on the bed and they carried on with loud conversation and playing music. I do not blame them for this at all but the set up of the physical space made this impossible to then have the after skiing crash.

i should probably get off mumsnet and actually go skiing now….

Just tell them you and your husband have had a row and you need a bit of space and don't want a bad atmosphere for everyone else. Brownie points for being so considerate.

Yes, you should go enjoy the slopes OP!

French ski apartments are ridiculously cramped. If you ever do this again perhaps suggest Austria instead? (Though guess that's not as convenient for his family). The first time we stayed in an Austrian ski apartment it was a revelation! Two proper double bedrooms and a separate spacious living room.

Honestly I think as French people have ZERO issues doing what they want and then basically saying it’s the French way (no judgement, they can do that if they want!) then you should likewise just say that you NEED to do XYZ because you’re British! They can hardly argue otherwise and then if they feel they lost face can explain it away as “well, she’s British you know.” Win/win!

Thanks - what is it if you're Irish? 😉