Holiday apartment with in laws; no internal doors!

[Sooty20235]

I have no actual reason for this post apart from sharing my horror and hoping for some funny stories of surviving nightmare holidays from others.

Agreed to go on holiday with in laws and was admittedly very hands off and relaxed about the actual booking, leaving it to my partner who left it to his parents. (Obviously never ever going to do this again!) Cost wasn’t an issue for us but partner and family can be frugal. They are all very close.

Arrived a few days ago and the tiny apartment has no internal doors so there is no escaping each other or privacy. The bedrooms each open on to the living and kitchen area with just curtains, and you have to go through one bedroom to leave the apartment.

Im halfway through and really struggling. Tried to nap earlier but there was no effort to keep voices down. I’m so so tempted to book the gorgeous 4* hotel next door but I know it will upset people.

Never ever never doing this again and who on earth designs an apartment with no bloody internal doors!?

Your partner sounds awful. Do you have children together?
Even if all his siblings' partners were happy with their arrangements, it doesn't mean you have to be! Tone to assert yourself lovely and tell your dickhead 'partner' to fuck right off!

I'd also be considering seeing a solicitor when I'd return from holidays to find out what I'd need to do to start divorce proceedings. You don't have psychological problems. You have a DH problem.

Enjoy that apartment!

Sat with him now discussing and he really thinks it would be normal to be ok with this and that all other partners in the family find this ok (I think they probably do, but don’t know the exact holiday set up, maybe they have doors when they go on holiday 🙈).

But please someone tell me, is this really normal?!

Book the hotel! We once went to stay at DH’s aunt’s place (in France) where we were told his aunt would stay one night to say hi then head to her own holiday home. On arrival she announced she would be with us for the two weeks we were there. To add insult to injury she continued to only speak French to us at a speed that was beyond me ignoring my requests for her to slow down (she speaks Parisian French so very fast and lots of slang) even though she speaks fluent English. I booked an apartment elsewhere the next day, caused a bit of family strife but it was one only precious holiday for the year so bugger that.

It doesn't matter if it's deemed normal or not.

You are uncomfortable with it for whatever reason you want and are entitled to change your circumstances to suit yourself.

And if the dh or family have feelings about it, then those are their feelings to deal with.

I've had a few hols with in-laws. There are protocols in place these days. One of which is everyone needs their own space. Another is I insist on having full details on the accommodation and its location.

I'd absolutely hate this too OP.

I went on a holiday with the in laws a few years ago where 8 of us were staying in a 3 bed apartment, PILs had the sofa bed, and there was only 1 bathroom between 8 people, AND the bathroom was right off the living room with only a concertina door.

I hated it so so much. There was no space, you could hear each other breathing, not to mention being able to hear every single thing from the bathroom. ARGH.

Its not normal OP, you DH is being a dick.
Enjoy your hotel guilt free.

I had a (near) similar experience in a chalet in Switzerland with my (ex) inlaws. They knew but we didn't that there were only two bedroom and they fully expected us to sleep on the living room couches as the two rooms were for them and Sil. I was 35 years of age and pregnant. I did not sleep in the living room! I also didn't spend much time with my inlaws after that!

It might be normal for him and for his family, but from the responses you are receiving I hope you get the sense its far from normal for most people.

Some people don't want much privacy- it's like in the USA when two couples share a room because it has two double beds, that would be my idea of hell. I didn't share a room on my recent ski holiday as I figured £200 was a small amount extra not to have to share with a stranger.

It doesn't matter if they all think it's fine and dandy- you don't so stop listening and start packing.

Oh poor you - sounds horrific! I don't think you can book into a hotel without seeming rude and causing a major family rift though, so you probably have to just grin and bear it (and never holiday with them again without checking and double checking the deal).

show him this post, we can’t all be wrong!

Aaahhh I have been through this. MIL booked us accommodation in Portugal with no doors. I was 28 weeks pregnant and had a 2yr old with me. I lasted the full 5 nights but wasn’t the happiest person around which got interpreted as ungratefulness by my partner. Poor you!

No doors on bedrooms & bathroom?!

Couldn't have that.

For other people's sake as much as anything.

I snore & fart!

I absolutely love my Mil, and have gone on holiday with her many times. But even I would draw the line at no doors. You're not being weird!

It sounds an odd set up for an apartment but if they are a family who frequently camp together then maybe they don’t see it as much of a difference ? They would only be separated by fabric then.

I booked a converted windmill in France for 3 couples once which looked charming but, pre internet, the internal details were sparse and all space was open off a central stone staircase. It was quirky and charming and we loved the cool in the summer heat but a week was enough of walking through everyone else’s bedrooms.

It is totally normal in some families. Depends on how you grew up. I don't think the argument here is normal vs. Weird. For his family it is normal to share spaces and since they're used to it and seem to like each other it is not a bug deal. Where as it is to you. And that's OK too. But it is hard for your husband to explain this to the parents since you're the odd one out in this instance and it is going against the norm and he doesn't understand it. But you don't have to sacrifice yourself ans you can go to a hotel and just explain that you're not used to this and it is affecting your sleep but you'll be there for breakfast/dinner or whatever. However, if you don't have too long left I might stay, explain to your husband that you're doing it for him and this is the last time so that you can hold that over his head if he wants something you don't.

My family is a bit more like in laws and my SIL's fit right in and are OK with going to to cabin together and spending time. But it is not my partners thing and it can be sometimes hard to navigate when you can't do the things you envisioned. But that's life.

I can't believe there are people who are willing to fly to another country to stay in accommodation they haven't seen or even had a description of. How is this possible?

Are there any cultural differences between yourself and your in laws? I only ask as there's some cultures where this is considered normal

It might be normal for him and his family but it’s ok for it not to be normal for you.

You have no privacy and they are all fluent in a language which isn’t your first language. It’s tiring, especially if they are making inconsiderate noise while you are trying to sleep which won’t help.

Also, as above: fuck him right in to the sea for throwing you under the bus by saying you have psychological problems to his parents. That kind of comment can colour your relationship with them permanently.

I shared a BnB room with a female friend once in the UK, and no en suite door. Just a beaded curtain. Fine for showering, everything else required either headphones or a walk! BnB owner even asked why I was sat on the stairs outside the bedroom when it was raining the following morning, and I had to think of a polite way to say friend had asked for privacy while she went for a poo!

What's not normal is his complete disrespect for you and his utter lack of imagination. Does he really think everyone would think that was OK?

What sort of commitment have you made to him? Do you own a house together?

Are you actually continuing on in this relationship after he's told his parents you have psychological problems? Partners can come from very walks of life and backgrounds and make a life together, but the problem here is he has no respect or empathy for you and expects you to make all the compromises.

No, it’s not normal!

"She has psychological problems, Mummy - she says she feels sick every time she hears someone on the toilet when she's having breakfast."

If my h told people I had psychological problems because I wanted doors on my bedroom, he'd be wearing his bollocks as earrings. He is bang out of order.

@Sooty20235 No doubt some folk wouldn't mind - but they are likely to be in the minority. The vast majority of us would agree that we need some space/time to ourselves when staying with family or friends - never mind the 'no doors' situation. So no, I wouldn't say that the situation you are in is really 'normal' at all.

Have you and your partner been together long? And how old are you both? I know you referred to your 'MIL' but are you actually married? I often refer to my Daughter's partner as my SIL because it is easier - but they aren't actually married. If you're not married and haven't been together very long, you might want to rethink your relationship with your partner, because he sounds very immature/selfish if he's worried more about what his family think, than how you are coping with the situation?