Holiday apartment with in laws; no internal doors!

[Sooty20235]

I have no actual reason for this post apart from sharing my horror and hoping for some funny stories of surviving nightmare holidays from others.

Agreed to go on holiday with in laws and was admittedly very hands off and relaxed about the actual booking, leaving it to my partner who left it to his parents. (Obviously never ever going to do this again!) Cost wasn’t an issue for us but partner and family can be frugal. They are all very close.

Arrived a few days ago and the tiny apartment has no internal doors so there is no escaping each other or privacy. The bedrooms each open on to the living and kitchen area with just curtains, and you have to go through one bedroom to leave the apartment.

Im halfway through and really struggling. Tried to nap earlier but there was no effort to keep voices down. I’m so so tempted to book the gorgeous 4* hotel next door but I know it will upset people.

Never ever never doing this again and who on earth designs an apartment with no bloody internal doors!?

Would they actually be offended though?

I would bypass him and cheerily and breezily announce to MIL that you are booking/have booked the hotel next door for X amount as the curtain faux-doors are really messing with your sleep/you'd like to use the spa/gym/pool & would anyone like to do the same for a special night or two?

That’s not a holiday that’s for sure - fine he can stay and you go next door 😂

Oh what a shame you've had an argument and you need to give each other space so best pop off to the hotel asap

If you stay there because you don’t want any more upset, you will seethe and be resentful and everyone else will know it. You’ll never forget this (who could?!).

If you go, you will regain some privacy and autonomy and they will be upset.

Your PILs have put you in a situation where you have to choose. THEY did this, not you. They presumed to make a choice for you, adding you in as one of them when you’re not, and you allowed it to happen presumably thinking that doors would be a sine qua non.

Your DH’s upbringing was not yours. You don’t need to apologise for having a different normal.

You’ve been put in an impossible situation and your DH is mad at you for complaining about it and the actual lack of doors. Horses for courses, everyone is different. It doesn’t need to be acrimonious or bitter, just a breezy and jovial “morning Joan, morning Geoff - just fyi I’ve booked myself a room next door at x hotel because I’m really struggling without a private space of my own. I’m not used to this type of communal living, you see. What time are you planning heading out this morning on our jolly? I’ll come over for whatever time we’re leaving”. That’s all it takes.

Your DH is being a dick because he’s stuck in the middle and thinks you should do as he does, if only to not upset his parents and make things awkward. Tell him to take it up with his batshit parents instead, the people who think no doors between their DIL and her PILs is normal.

He thinks his discomfort is more important to you than his. He thinks your unhappiness is something tolerable as long as he doesn’t feel embarrassed to explain to his parents.

id eat something that gave me really bad vile smelling farts. Let it clear through my system. And then get a hotel room.

Cancel the trip in March. Why so soon, are you a masochist?

😂 Family celebration thing in March. I said I wasn’t keen.

now I’m wondering if my thoughts about what is expected in a relationship are warped and that his expectations for family holiday are too high. I feel bad as I know it’s so natural and expected in his family and other partners seem to be ok with it. It feels like I’m the odd one out and a difficult control freak for not being able to fit in. Even got questioned on my decision to buy a personal chocolate supply as in laws had already bought chocolate (dark not milk and I just want some to scoff in private…or as private as I can get without a bloody door. Felt like a guilty child opening the packet under the duvet)

Book that hotel... you only live once and holidays are sacred and it's your holiday as much as anyone else's
Give the option for your dh to come as well but with his attitude I would be encouraging home to stay behind

Oh come on, this is supposed to be your holiday too. Look at first thing in the morning and say to your husband if he wants to come he's very welcome and if he doesn't then he's welcome to stay there. His choice he'll sulk for an hour and then he'll be round and will tell you it was his idea in the first place by the end of your stay.

It’s a good thing to use this as an opportunity to assess your compatibility. Not so much re doors/no doors, or even holidaying with your in laws. But his reaction is very telling: he’s not mature. He still sees himself as his parents’ child, worried about upsetting them when they’ve done something upsetting. You only have to spend 5 minutes on MN to see how this parlays into much bigger problems when there are weddings and homes and babies and bereavements to consider.

Think about it. He’s asking you to spend a week in a room with his parents on your holiday: no sex, no goddam chocolate, no privacy. And he’s cross with you for finding this weird. Is this what you want?

Oh op get yourself over to that hotel.

This reminds me of when we stayed in a place in France with dh’s extended family for BIL’s wedding. They called it a chateau. No, it was just a big house in the middle of nowhere, and quite run down. We were the last to arrive so we ended up with the shit room in the attic. Lumpy horsehair mattresses on creaky metal beds, a low ceiling that even I bumped my head on (and I’m very short), and one tiny window that couldn’t be opened because of the mosquitos in the stagnant lake outside. It was so small that we had to climb over our bed to get to one of the dc’s beds, baking hot and impossible to sleep.

I was miserable, and was accused of being ‘spoilt’ by SIL - who was staying in a huge airy room on the first floor, with nice antique furniture instead of the broken bits of tat in ours.

Their whole family go on about how great it was. It was chuffing horrible - never again.

I’ve booked an apartment. Had a terrible nights sleep, now just need to face telling the family who will think I’m a weird, controlling spoilt brat.

Currently have the family between me and coffee and there is no escape without seeing them.

Have heard the partner telling them in French that I have a psychological problem. Fuck fuck fuck him.

Oh dear, that sounds awful. You don't fit in but that's because they are a bunch of weirdos

Honestly your husband sounds really really horrible!

OP I read your scenario to DH last night and asked could he imagine. His response was 'well it wouldn't happen would it, because you wouldn't have agreed to share an apartment in the first place'.

He didn't say this in an accusatory or sarcastic way, just truthfully as he knows and accepts that's where I have a boundary, for some private space when we're visiting / staying with family (both mine and his).

It's not unreasonable or strange or insulting to them want some space of your own on holiday, less so when it's his family not yours, and even less so when there are no sodding doors!! Glad to read you've booked an apartment and hope you can have a relaxing last couple of days.

Oh and FUCK YOUR PARTNER for that last line. Fuck him. In the bin.

Not wanting your in laws hearing you shit is not a psychological problem.
Are they French and you not?
Husband sounds like an utter wanker.

Thank you, I should have checked this apartment, I just didn’t in a million years think it would be like this or that we would have no time alone/be expected to all eat together every meal etc.

I did know they like to do things as cheaply as possible but just never imagined it would be like this. Feel so so lonely right now.

Why on earth do people go on holiday with extended family? I’d hate every minute of it, doors or no doors!

Yep, stupid me was looking forward to an opportunity to practice French. I can understand most of it and have conversations but I didn’t realise how much it would exhaust me.

Knowing I will have to have muster up the energy for a French conversation just for going to the toilet is so much harder than I realised. I’m an idiot but this is the moment in my head I say to myself never again.

He is telling his family you have a psychological problem? That's really out lf order. Sod the apartment I'd be going home and packing his stuff for him.

His family sound hideous. I've been on short breaks with my in-laws, they booked accommodation that gave everyone some private space and made it clear time apart was expected. It probably wasn't her preference but she put her guests first.

@Sooty20235 just read the thread.

I feel so bad for you!! That is so shit and then for him to say that!!! Wtf.

Get packed and go to the apartment. Do not feel bad about it. You have done nothing wrong.

I would feel exactly the same as you, hats off for putting up with it for this long.

xx

Being on holiday with my in-laws is a recurring nightmare I have. Now in that nightmare we will be in an apartment with no doors. I might not recover from this.

OP you are a brave woman but please next time remember you are allowed to enjoy your holidays and stay somewhere that suits you too.

Perfect!

Book the hotel for you and if you have kids leave them with him. If the hotel has a spa, book for some treatments.

Say this is your holiday, you were disappointed with the level of accommodation (as you're not staying in tents and even if you were you'd have more privacy), you're not sleeping properly, not able to relax and you need to relax before you go home again.

End of story.

He doesn't have to like it and you never know, he might be jealous that he hasn't thought of the idea himself (or maybe he has and is pissed that you might actually go through with it). It's got nothing to do with his family or your family. This is a holiday and it's not feeling like much of one to you!

Good luck op, tell them and go. It doesn’t sound like you should actually bother seeing them again this holiday. Say sweetly ‘I am going to move to the hotel, it’s clear <partners name> will be happier without me and my psychological problems.’