Has anyone ever confronted their child’s bully?

[KarenNotAKaren]

I’m at the end of my tether.

Year 6 DD - who has always been one to be an easy target because she’s quiet and kind and doesn’t cause a fuss - is getting bullied by a so-called friend in her group of friends.

The bullying includes:

• Pushing her up against a wall and pinning her to it. When DD tells her to stop this girl says “shut your fucking mouth”
• Pinching her under the desk - she sits next to her
• Calling her fat (DD is skinny, this girl is on the bigger side), stupid, weird
• DD has learning support for maths as she really struggles - this girl makes fun of her and calls her a disgusting r word that I won’t repeat on here.
• Knocking DD over, pushing past her and generally being physical - for context DD is a titch and a good half foot smaller than this girl
• Making fun of her height.

The teachers have been amazing but they can’t force this girl to change and they have 28 other kids to keep an eye on. Her parents don’t give a shit. I have worked in child protection and her behaviour sets off so many red flags for living in an abusive household - especially the wall thing. I assume the school are dealing with safeguarding and whilst it must be awful for her to live that way my concern is primarily with my DD and how she is affected.

This girl’s parents don’t even turn up to parent’s evenings or for meeting about their DD. We had a joint one planned and I sat there on my own with the teacher as they were a no-show. I never see them at drop off or pick up as this child walks home. It would be pointless anyway - they clearly don’t care!

Im at the point now where I am seriously considering saying something to this girl. DD came home in tears again today after being pushed over on the ice and the teachers did bollock the bully and take her break times away for a week but she will just carry on regardless. At pick up the bully passed me and waved and cheerily said “Hi Lucy’s mum!”. Took all my night not to bloody say something. But I don’t know what else to do - I only want to say you need to stop picking on my daughter, I see what you do and it’s cruel, stay away from her. Which is of course nuts but my god seeing my lovely confident girl being pushed to breaking point is more than I can bear.

How fucking batshit does someone have to be to think that they can tell someone else on an internet chat forum to do something and demand that they comply?
Fuck sake this isn't an episode of eastenders
Dear god some people have the most ludicrous delusions of grandeur

i didn’t expect my suggestion to be taken on board

but for this child to be abused day in and day out and nothing to be done beyond it “being logged” is depressing

@regenerate surely considering that you have devoured every post OP has made so very keenly, you will have picked up that it's not happening day in, day out, which is why the DC struggles to cut all friendship with her, and will be mortified if her mother was to confront the bully in front of her.

It is most days
has been physical abuse
and the girls are seated beside each other and during the day the victim is being pinched under the table

Bloody hell babes you need to channel Elsa

will do. i suppose like this situation 🤷‍♀️

Are you my mum? The demanding I answer your questions is weird. I’m answering nothing you ask me, you haven’t earned my respect enough for me to appease you.

I know. I was referring to the so-called ‘brilliant’ (you words) post by @BeeWax . I didn’t think it was brilliant at all it was rude and presumptive

You’re making things up again Arnold.

Stop it. It’s embarrasing and bullying to rewrite what actually has happened on this thread.

<Hopes someone gets my Book of Mormon reference>

Indeed. I am also not just ‘logging it’.

Thank you to those who PM’d asking after DD. Like I say I won’t be posting an update publicly but I am grateful for those who have given good non judgmental advice and understood the complexities of the situation, and have appreciated the PMs too!

I actually haven’t divulged how many days of the week this has been happening - again, you’ve made things up.
I also shared that the bully was moved.

Ill ask again - why am I now allowed to post on other MN threads?

@regenerate

and the girls are seated beside each other and during the day the victim is being pinched under the table

If you're going to pick apart OP's posts then at least read them properly.

She said much, much earlier:

She isn’t anymore. It did stop when she told me about the pinching. They change seating plans every half term and last half term (when is started, around about mid-November) was when she was sat next to her.

I was reading another thread in AIBU the other day with same poster and similar aggressive confrontational style, blaming OP. I can't even remember the context now but I recognised the name.

Putting aside the unrelated drama of the last 80% of this thread, OP - what have you done since starting the thread and how is your daughter?

Hi there so sorry you and your child are going through this. Some people are not raised right because of their parents.
Another child who is a few years older than my child swore at him and threatened him, I was so angry as I don't let my children speak to/treat anyone like this and don't expect it to happen to my children, so I told the teacher and said to the teacher next time this happens I will deal with the parent myself, my way. She knew what I meant. I then witnessed the teacher speaking to the mum and the child about the situation, rather than them apologising both mum and child walked right past me and my child without any eye contact. So I then told my child next time this kid does this to you I want you to tell him my mum said she will beat up your mum as she hasn't taught you manners, I made it clear to my child to do it in front of the teacher. I do not mess about when it comes to my children. I understand not everyone will take this approach but I rather get down to the nitty and gritty straight away than allowing a bully to terrorise my child over a course of time

The irony is strong here

Unfortunately that's how some people learn what is OK and what isn't. Don't treat my child like a punchbag and it won't happen to you 🤷. I am not and will never play it nice when it comes to my childrens safety. Difference between some parents is they're trying to save the world I could care less about parenting someone elses child if they can't do it why is the responsibility on me, nope thank you

Btw the only reason why I mentioned the 'beating up' to my child is because of how the other parent reacted when the teacher spoke to her she could of easily approached me and my child and apologised or said she would have a talking to with her child, she clearly gave 2 shits the way she walked past us. So I could tell from the get go this is a type of parent that doesn't acknowledge when her child has done something wrong in that case there's no talking to people like that.

Going back many years - to 1988, my mother confronted my primary school bully. It is absolutely seared in my mind. I was 8 years old and we had just moved to an area with a strong regional accent. This is important because I was bullied because I sounded different to the other children.

The bullying had been going on for many, many weeks, and one day my mum picked me up from school. We were sat in the car outside the school and my mum insisted I point out the bully to her. There were two - a main one and her sidekick.

They walked towards the car and my mum got out and sort of walked the girls - backed them up really, to a garden wall. She didn’t touch them. She introduced herself and I saw her pointing at me in the car. The two girls looked absolutely panicked. The talking went on for maybe a minute? Maybe two. My mum got back into the car and we drove home. She told me that she had told them they were never to speak to me, sit near me, look at me or touch me ever again. She told them she would make sure they became as miserable as I was.

They were in my class for another 2 years and never bothered me again. My mum was my absolute hero. She saved me.

Many years later my mum was at work - she is a midwife. She was allocated a room, went into the delivery room, introduced herself (we have a fairly distinctive surname) & the bully said ‘ohhh I used to go to school with a girl with that surname!’ They chatted and my mum read her name and realised who she was. My mum apologised and said I can’t look after you, I can’t even pretend to be pleasant to you, you made my daughter utterly miserable.

It’s okay to stand up for your children.

And then you would be arrested for assault and have a criminal record, well done you!

Chewyspree your dm is a legend.

this thread is 8 months old

op long gone