Has anyone ever confronted their child’s bully?

[KarenNotAKaren]

I’m at the end of my tether.

Year 6 DD - who has always been one to be an easy target because she’s quiet and kind and doesn’t cause a fuss - is getting bullied by a so-called friend in her group of friends.

The bullying includes:

• Pushing her up against a wall and pinning her to it. When DD tells her to stop this girl says “shut your fucking mouth”
• Pinching her under the desk - she sits next to her
• Calling her fat (DD is skinny, this girl is on the bigger side), stupid, weird
• DD has learning support for maths as she really struggles - this girl makes fun of her and calls her a disgusting r word that I won’t repeat on here.
• Knocking DD over, pushing past her and generally being physical - for context DD is a titch and a good half foot smaller than this girl
• Making fun of her height.

The teachers have been amazing but they can’t force this girl to change and they have 28 other kids to keep an eye on. Her parents don’t give a shit. I have worked in child protection and her behaviour sets off so many red flags for living in an abusive household - especially the wall thing. I assume the school are dealing with safeguarding and whilst it must be awful for her to live that way my concern is primarily with my DD and how she is affected.

This girl’s parents don’t even turn up to parent’s evenings or for meeting about their DD. We had a joint one planned and I sat there on my own with the teacher as they were a no-show. I never see them at drop off or pick up as this child walks home. It would be pointless anyway - they clearly don’t care!

Im at the point now where I am seriously considering saying something to this girl. DD came home in tears again today after being pushed over on the ice and the teachers did bollock the bully and take her break times away for a week but she will just carry on regardless. At pick up the bully passed me and waved and cheerily said “Hi Lucy’s mum!”. Took all my night not to bloody say something. But I don’t know what else to do - I only want to say you need to stop picking on my daughter, I see what you do and it’s cruel, stay away from her. Which is of course nuts but my god seeing my lovely confident girl being pushed to breaking point is more than I can bear.

All the people saying that school isn't doing enough - what exactly could they do?
Teaching staff have no real sanctions - missing playtime is a treat for some children. Letting the bully's parents know is futile, since they don't care.

The OP should take her daughter out of the school as soon as possible.

Find another school or homeschool until a suitable one is available.

@Frederica145

for a start… not seating the bully with her victim?

And OP hasn’t mentioned whether this is a one class year group and whether possibility of moving to another class

i wonder if anything tangible from the child’s perspective will result from this thread

Oh op I understand now why you won't do anything. You're worried about your career in case someone records you. There are ways to confront a bully without going over the top and physical. You can calmly and very firmly and quietly talk to her. Tell her if you hear she comes close or does anything to your dd you will make her sorry. Do the death stare. Make her feel very uncomfortable. It weight work. You have to try it. It will not stop at secondary op don't be so naive. Why should it stop..

Your obsession with me is creepy and embarrassing. Why are you following me around mumsnet? And why shouldn’t I post on other threads? Should I be rocking back and worth in the corner all the time?

VERY clear why the mention of bullies triggers some people on this thread. Look mate if you were a bully yourself (and you clearly were, and still are) trot off and deal with your own demons and guilt, but don’t stalk me on MN, make shitty comments and pretend it’s in pursuit of giving a shit about my DD.

I’m not sure why it’s acceptable for this to be happening. I’ve reported to MNHQ. The irony of a thread about bullying turning into bullying [hnm]

I’m one of the original “dicks” on this thread, because I thought more could be done but the following the OP round the boards, counting her posts, coming back to this thread to comment on what posts the OP is on is not ok.

In fact it’s really fucking weird behaviour and could have an impact on vulnerable women choosing not to post if they see this sort of shit happening.

Just drop it now.

Op not sure if you could report to MN?

I’m actually fine with people seeing posters for who they are and would rather it stayed up.

I will not be sharing any more updates about the situation or my DD on this thread though due to some completely obsessed posters using anything I say as an attack.

Mate tracking another poster like that is really fucking weird. Genuinely really odd behaviour.

@KarenNotAKaren that’s fair enough, I hope she’s ok

Not to mention that, on that thread (that hasn’t had a post in about a day), if you go on it now you will see this morning just a post from @regenerate with one emoji - a 👋🏻

I replied like the mature adult that I am, of course.

But how creepy and weird is that behaviour! Like I’ve upset someone that much because I won’t get violent with people, that they are following me around MN with weird little PA posts.

Unless you are a bigger pain than the paperwork involved in suspending this girl it will be rug swept.

Put every incident in writing. Ask any witnesses to put in writing. Ask for the school to clarify their bullying procedure. How much does a child need to injure another prior to being suspended or temporary exclusion?

Copy in safeguarding at the school and academy if an academy or the local authority. Call the police regarding any assault. Email ofsted.

You need to be a bigger pain in the arse than dealing with the other girls family/social worker or whoever else.

But write everything down and refer them to previous emails. If you discuss something with a teacher follow it up with an email. Write down any conversation. If it’s not written down it didn’t happen.

It happened to me once. I had a post in 30 days only and it hadn’t been answered - fine, but then a poster really took exception to me on another thread about nurseries (and I wasn’t saying anything controversial!) and stalked me on there. I am wondering if it is the same one to be honest.

I mean who doesn’t like an AS now and again but to take it to another stalker-y level and start hinting “I’m waiting for you on X thread” is just unhinged and embarrassing.

Oh god, what a turn this thread has taken.

Best of luck to you and your daughter OP.

I hope it's all sorted - it's a shame there won't be an update but can absolutely see why.

read my posts on this thread.

i have made suggestions as many many many others have. But all the OP has wanted to do is fart around arguing. Meanwhile her daughter endured abuse day in and day out. I presume you haven’t read the brilliant post by @BeeWax on previous page. Nails it

But I don’t have to take your ‘suggestions’ on board, or that of anyone else - although from my point of view you haven’t so much made suggestions but just attacked attacked attacked.

I did read that post - did you not spot that it got deleted? Because it essentially claimed me and my DD have some kind of special need? I didn’t report it BTW, but MNHQ still deleted it. It was not a brilliant post but a strange post full of Wrong assumptions.

Can you tell me why I should t be posting on other threads?

of all the suggestions on this thread, do you intend to do one single one?

that was not me that wrote you and your daughter had a special need!!!

No but you are saying a post that was deleted is a ‘brilliant post’. Evidently MN do not agree!

oh good point.

well i don’t agree with that! My child has special needs and i’d never throw it out there casually as an option on a thread

but the other parts i felt were very relevant. as indeed did others comment so

@regenerate but nobody HAS to take any advice from anyone. You can ask for advice, be given it and still not choose to take it.

It might be frustrating to you, but the OP is under no obligation to do anything at all.

Following people around the boards isn’t ok.