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Original poster

Has anyone ever confronted their child’s bully?

483 replies

KarenNotAKaren · 18/01/2024 18:48

I’m at the end of my tether.

Year 6 DD - who has always been one to be an easy target because she’s quiet and kind and doesn’t cause a fuss - is getting bullied by a so-called friend in her group of friends.

The bullying includes:

  • Pushing her up against a wall and pinning her to it. When DD tells her to stop this girl says “shut your fucking mouth”
  • Pinching her under the desk - she sits next to her
  • Calling her fat (DD is skinny, this girl is on the bigger side), stupid, weird
  • DD has learning support for maths as she really struggles - this girl makes fun of her and calls her a disgusting r word that I won’t repeat on here.
  • Knocking DD over, pushing past her and generally being physical - for context DD is a titch and a good half foot smaller than this girl
  • Making fun of her height.

The teachers have been amazing but they can’t force this girl to change and they have 28 other kids to keep an eye on. Her parents don’t give a shit. I have worked in child protection and her behaviour sets off so many red flags for living in an abusive household - especially the wall thing. I assume the school are dealing with safeguarding and whilst it must be awful for her to live that way my concern is primarily with my DD and how she is affected.

This girl’s parents don’t even turn up to parent’s evenings or for meeting about their DD. We had a joint one planned and I sat there on my own with the teacher as they were a no-show. I never see them at drop off or pick up as this child walks home. It would be pointless anyway - they clearly don’t care!

Im at the point now where I am seriously considering saying something to this girl. DD came home in tears again today after being pushed over on the ice and the teachers did bollock the bully and take her break times away for a week but she will just carry on regardless. At pick up the bully passed me and waved and cheerily said “Hi Lucy’s mum!”. Took all my night not to bloody say something. But I don’t know what else to do - I only want to say you need to stop picking on my daughter, I see what you do and it’s cruel, stay away from her. Which is of course nuts but my god seeing my lovely confident girl being pushed to breaking point is more than I can bear.

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 24/09/2024 19:37

Fantastic mum @Chewyspree x

Chewyspree · 25/09/2024 16:26

mrssunshinexxx · 24/09/2024 19:37

Fantastic mum @Chewyspree x

I think so too.

Actuallysickofthis · 26/01/2025 23:42

GTsundaydriver · 18/01/2024 19:06

"Go in at playtime and follow them around" YES! If that's what it takes, you do that. This is your child, the little girl who you brought into this world, You are the first person she ever trusted to keep her safe and who she goes to when she's scared.
She's in year 6, not doing her GCSEs, and no, secondary school won't protect her from this girl, if anything it'll get worse.
Why should the mother get arrested? She hasn't harmed your DD.

Edited

Your being ridiculous. Do you really think the school is going to let a parent into the school yard at playtime to follow around a child? In your other comment you said the child would be dead if it was your child.

Your not posting anything helpful or constructive your just being an aggressive weirdo

Pussycat22 · 28/01/2025 09:27

Weefreetiffany · 18/01/2024 19:23

This was me from year 4-6. You need to work on her self esteem and boundaries. What can she do to push back and not let their girl loom so large? She’s not powerless and neither are you, though it seems that you’re buying into that dynamic, how are your boundaries etc? Your girl might be kind and compliant but have you taught her that not everybody deserves her kindness or compliance? Have you practiced pushing back or are you happy she gives you an easy time? Basically have you benefited from her compliance and not helped her develop critical thinking and the critical self trust to know when to tell people to do one and not put up with their shit? How is she with authority? Wants approval or can adjust depending on the situation? These are the things to work on with her. Until she has the strong inner voice to say no I deserve better then people will walk over her her whole life and she will say thanks and wonder why she has low self esteem and anxiety.

Damn good advice and I wish I'd had it when very young.

JanuaryJunipers · 28/01/2025 09:31

Flowerpower101 · 23/09/2024 21:23

Hi there so sorry you and your child are going through this. Some people are not raised right because of their parents.
Another child who is a few years older than my child swore at him and threatened him, I was so angry as I don't let my children speak to/treat anyone like this and don't expect it to happen to my children, so I told the teacher and said to the teacher next time this happens I will deal with the parent myself, my way. She knew what I meant. I then witnessed the teacher speaking to the mum and the child about the situation, rather than them apologising both mum and child walked right past me and my child without any eye contact. So I then told my child next time this kid does this to you I want you to tell him my mum said she will beat up your mum as she hasn't taught you manners, I made it clear to my child to do it in front of the teacher. I do not mess about when it comes to my children. I understand not everyone will take this approach but I rather get down to the nitty and gritty straight away than allowing a bully to terrorise my child over a course of time

So you’re modelling bullying yourself? What an appalling attitude.

Notonyourjelly · 28/01/2025 09:56

MrsMarzetti · 18/01/2024 20:46

Go and stand in front of the bully look her in the eye and tell her "it stops now" Just those words, nothing else. Then walk away. This child only understands one language.

Yes, you don't need to be a 'screaming banshee' Hmm a quiet word can be just as effective.
I confronted my child's bully - nicely at first, asking what the problem was and that as she was older than my daughter, she should be looking out for her, not making her cry every day. I followed that with a threat that if the bullying continued, she'd have me to answer to and she'd be the one crying. This was in the days when schools wouldn't acknowledge bullying, especially if it happened out of school hours. My approach was effective.

I can't understand why you are not standing up for your child and am flabbergasted you didn't confront her bully when you had the chance!

Notonyourjelly · 28/01/2025 09:59

Ugh, didn't realise this is an old thread.
I hope your daughter is OK OP.

Cornishbelle · 03/03/2026 13:42

@KarenNotAKaren a good while ago now, but I found this thread as we are currently going through similar with our Dd, just wondered how it all panned out? Hope things are better.

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