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Original poster

5 days to make him fancy me!

437 replies

Workdate · 12/01/2024 18:46

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 12/01/2024 22:25

He told me he goes to a certain place every week because his friend owns it but it’s in his area and I feel it would be odd to just turn up when he knows I know he’s going to be there.

As this is exactly what you were considering doing in reverse, give it a couple of weeks, then turn up . You were in the area and remembered his recommendation.

User1789 · 12/01/2024 22:27

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 12/01/2024 22:25

He told me he goes to a certain place every week because his friend owns it but it’s in his area and I feel it would be odd to just turn up when he knows I know he’s going to be there.

As this is exactly what you were considering doing in reverse, give it a couple of weeks, then turn up . You were in the area and remembered his recommendation.

Yes, he has already made an opportunity clear to the OP, leaving the ball in her court.

TappingTed · 12/01/2024 22:27

The book idea and write your name and number on the cover. You haven't asked him to contact you, and some people write such things in every book... could be innocent.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
ItsBeenRaining · 12/01/2024 22:27

EightChalk · 12/01/2024 21:56

Is he a professional sportsman? Don't they tend to be "a girl in every port" types?

I've got a feeling it's something like this.

If it is, don't chase op, they're all bloody nightmares.

midnightfeastfeats · 12/01/2024 22:28

@Workdate you just need to give him a way to contact you without giving it to him in writing but make it easy. Is your email address easy to remember? Or do you have a relevant social media account or set one up? Do you have business cards for the purpose of the business that is ok to use as a networking prop professinally?

So just in passing say something that includes a potential random reason for contacting you + a way to do to it thats easy to remember + that you are open to it.

It's hard to say without knowing what you do and who these people are but for example say its a cycling retreat

bring the conversation round to cycling, ask him about his club at home, point out that these retreats are often run for local clubs and if he's got any questions or if he thinks his club would be interested in coming on one, here's your card.

Or say you have the Eton Wall Game as a common interest

bring the conversation round to you've been interested in the eton wall game since forever and you have an eton wall game instagram - and that your handle is easy to remember because its @ eton wall game - or something daft but that you don't really post because you just lurk. If you don't have one, set one up with an easy to remember handle a photo of you and set it to private, so he can't see anything but can ask to connect..

Or do you ever do what you do for work privately? same again and say my email is very easy to remember its IdiotWithACrush at gmail.com!

you get the idea - you need some reason why he might want to get intouch with you + a way to do it that ideally you can convey without making a big song and dance that is either open (business card) or done orally. I really wouldn't be writing your number on pieces of paper.

crochetmonkey74 · 12/01/2024 22:28

I think you've got to do the coffee shop plan.
The book lending is also good. Make sure you have " if found return to ... " with email on

DagenhamDanny · 12/01/2024 22:30

Bollocks to the nay-sayers, OP. As others have suggested, 'lend' him a book as he's about to leave the building on Friday. And make sure there's a note in it with your number! Go for it!

feliciabirthgiver · 12/01/2024 22:30

So you are both bringing the same book in on Monday.

In your copy you could have 'property of Workdate - enter mobile number'....then you accidentally pick up his copy. He goes home opens the book and lo and behold has to text you tell you he's inadvertently picked up the wrong copy.....no one has given or asked for any numbers.

fruitypancake · 12/01/2024 22:30

ask him where he works ? Then you could have means to contact him later ?

SlightlyJaded · 12/01/2024 22:31

I keep imagining that he is a footballer or something and you do some sort of specialist sports psychology or physio for a couple of weeks and then a new team arrives. I can't work out if you have one-on-one time with each person or you are always in a group situation?

Whilst I agree, it's not worth losing your job (or professional reputation) over, if you really have clicked and he feels the same, it would be a shame not to at least test the waters.

If you do get time alone with him, I would honestly say something that remains reasonably professional - or at least dignified - but lets him know you'd like to see him again.

"I've really enjoyed working with you AND chatting with you - which is a rare bonus - I'll be sorry to see your group move on. You know where to find me if you ever want to chat books again".

ManateeFair · 12/01/2024 22:32

Workdate · 12/01/2024 19:14

No I’m not allowed to give him my number.

We are both adults and there’s only a couple years in between us and there are no other things that may cause a power imbalance.

My role is equivalent to a PT/occupational therapist that have groups of men come in for a set period and then they leave and we get a new group.

They are not vulnerable in any way but it would look very bad for the company if the staff act inappropriately with the men and so it’s against the rules.

The men are also made aware of these rules and have to also abide by them and will be removed if there is any inappropriate behaviour (which is usually a positive thing).

Yeah, now that you’ve added that context, I’m going to say you shouldn’t be giving him your number or adding him on social media. You need to let this one go.

UsernameChangerRanger · 12/01/2024 22:34

It's limerance and the more you mull over it on this thread the longer it's going to take you to move on from him.

StarDolphins · 12/01/2024 22:36

I know you’re not allowed to add him on SM & you only have insta but
i would be getting on FB pronto with your full name (assuming he knows it?).

Then when his block finishes, I’d look at him with a glint in my eye & say ‘oh good luck, I’ve really loved working with you, loved our little book club! I’ll miss seeing you’ Then hope he finds you!

This is coming from someone who will never chase anyone but if I like someone (which is rare) I will subtly let them know I do then leave it to them!

Christmasnutcracker · 12/01/2024 22:36

SlightlyJaded · 12/01/2024 22:31

I keep imagining that he is a footballer or something and you do some sort of specialist sports psychology or physio for a couple of weeks and then a new team arrives. I can't work out if you have one-on-one time with each person or you are always in a group situation?

Whilst I agree, it's not worth losing your job (or professional reputation) over, if you really have clicked and he feels the same, it would be a shame not to at least test the waters.

If you do get time alone with him, I would honestly say something that remains reasonably professional - or at least dignified - but lets him know you'd like to see him again.

"I've really enjoyed working with you AND chatting with you - which is a rare bonus - I'll be sorry to see your group move on. You know where to find me if you ever want to chat books again".

This is good. Its normal. It can be construed as you were just being friendly. You don't come across as desperate if he doesn't get in touch.

Tbh the ball is in his court. He knows where you work. If he wants to see you again, he will make an excuse to come back to see you or will send you a thank you card or similar. When a guy is interested, he will show you he's interested.

Naptrappedmummy · 12/01/2024 22:38

Perfume
hair down
tight clothes
hold his gaze for a few seconds more than is comfortable
works for me every time

UsernameChangerRanger · 12/01/2024 22:41

Naptrappedmummy · 12/01/2024 22:38

Perfume
hair down
tight clothes
hold his gaze for a few seconds more than is comfortable
works for me every time

Annie Mumolo Conan Obrien GIF by Team Coco

Like this?

ThirtyFlirtynThriving · 12/01/2024 22:43

OP you’re whole boba on this post is giving Margot Robbie in suicide squad before she was Harley Quinn and she was all over the joker then became really obsessed and a bit creepy.

leave him be, clearly your job states it’s off limits so there must be a reason behind all the rules.. some of the stuff you’ve explained sounds like you’re abusing trust/power.

witmum · 12/01/2024 22:43

Is he on LinkedIn? Professional Social Media that you just want to keep in contact ...!

lemondroper · 12/01/2024 22:45

If he likes you, I think he'll say something to you before he leaves on Friday.

Setting the ethics aside. If you're both into the same books/genre - if you don't already, follow an author or interest group on FB/Instagram and ask him if he follows that person/group. Pick a smallish group or an author with limited followers.

That way you're opening it up for him to possibly find you on the group and maybe contact you.

Naptrappedmummy · 12/01/2024 22:45

UsernameChangerRanger · 12/01/2024 22:41

Like this?

Show quote history

nail on head

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/01/2024 22:47

NO.If you’re an HCP or AHP with registration you can’t have a relationship with a client. Current or ex client. You must know this? You have poor judgment

wellhello24 · 12/01/2024 22:48

If he likes you enough and want to see you again, he will find a way trust me

Hankunamatata · 12/01/2024 22:49

Workdate · 12/01/2024 20:45

I guess I could find somewhere in between us both and say that I go there and when and like you say if he doesn’t turn up then there’s no harm done.

He told me he goes to a certain place every week because his friend owns it but it’s in his area and I feel it would be odd to just turn up when he knows I know he’s going to be there.

He could have been telling me because he’s just being friendly or he could have been hinting (but that might be me trying to reach lol).

Show quote history

Say to him that you are going to try the place on x date for lunch (two weeks after he isnt a client) that his friend owns as like trying new places. Make a reservation at the place and make sure they have your phone number

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/01/2024 22:55

All this go for it tosh. Did you all miss she is health staff. He’s a client eg patient There is a power imbalance
Rules are there to protect client and staff. It is not on to date current or former patients
Did you read where she said she doesn’t know if he’s risky or actually know hon other than in a staff and client treatment environment
This will risk her job and her reputation

a

JamesonJameson · 12/01/2024 22:55

Does he have a dog? Do you? Talk about dogs and then tell him where you regularly walk your dog, which can be seen as very normal and friendly. If there is a Cafe near by a park you go to tell him you take the dog and then sit in/outside Cafe on regular days or every Saturday. But just casual doggy conversation. Borrow a dog if you need to.