5 days to make him fancy me!

[Workdate]

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

Yes that is true.

I guess a lot more of the judgement comes from the fact that someone has broken the rules AND sabotaged their marriage for it, rather than solely just breaking the rules.

Odd comment.

Surely the more famous they are, the more desperate I’d be if that’s the case 🤔

OP can you google him? Does he have a partner even if he isn't married?

If you can be certain he is single, the only judgement will be unprofessionalism and that is then your decision.

Tbh if you love your job, I would not risk. it.

Lol, Kyle walker only one muscle he’s getting palpated

Btw, my guess is on him being a sporting professional in training. He must be there for 3 weeks if she's suggested a book, he read it over the weekend, then on the Friday has another 5 days to go. Most people wouldn't take off 2-3 weeks to spend as a client for a 'hobby'. At first I thought, perhaps The National Football Centre as they do residencies, but then I can't believe that a footballer would read a book.

In my experience if he likes you then he will find a way to get in touch.

but then I can't believe that a footballer would read a book.

🤣🤣🤣

but then I can't believe that a footballer would read a book

@Thecatmaster that made me laugh.

@Workdate your description of your workplace as having husbands come in accusing sportsmen (?) of having affairs with their wives, who are staff, sounds like an ITV drama series… that I’d probably watch.

I think the only way you can deal with this professionally is to do absolutely nothing this week or when he leaves. No mentioning your SM.

Then in a month you can go to the place he mentioned with a friend and if you bump into him, so be it.

It is very worrying how you don't seem to realise how inappropriate this is! The rules aren't there to ruin people's fun. The rules are there to protect staff and patients/clients/service users from having to deal with inappropriate situations. Patients/clients/service users should not have to worry about professionals looking at them in a sexual manner, nor should they have to worry about having to respond to advances made towards them. This man did not come to your service looking for romance. You should not even have been looking at him in that way. That fact that you did says a lot about your professionalism and boundaries.

honestly OP, even trying something with this man so close to the professional relationship ending seems like a bad idea, and like it or not it would negatively impact your career.

my advice, let him walk away. In 6 months, if you’re feeling pangs of regret, grab some friend and head over to that bar he says he goes to every week. When you bump into each other you have the “after you talking about this place, me and my friends thought we’d just check it out”. If something builds from that it’ll be 8/9 months post professional relationship and that will limit damage to your career. You could mention this week that you’d like to visit that bar he’s talked about in a few months but I wouldn’t just incase you don’t feel that way anymore.
just a thought!? Good luck!

"I'm glad it's finally the weekend, I'm looking forward to going Starbucks at 10am to chill. Will probs be there for an hour."
"I'm glad it's finally the weekend, I'm looking forward to going to Bar X at 7pm"

Obv don't say Starbucks if there's more than one locally. Although they may go to all Starbucks if they like you.
Just make a statement, easy to remember time idk midday or whatever, or the time they come for whatever service you give so say their appointment is 11am, make it 11am so he def won't forget. He'll just have to remember "same time as I've been coming to x daily" and yeah good luck. Take a book or have a coffee and chill on mumsnet.

Tell him you’re thinking about going to be in his neck of the woods in the next couple of weeks and ask him for any restaurant recommendations. If he asks you when, you can tell him which day. Or if that sounds implausible, just say you’re looking to go somewhere different to eat and ask him for recommendations. You can talk about the menu etc. If he’s into you, he will make that know, surely?

Bit harsh (but I was thinking that)

You will lose your job. You were in a position of authority. I’m assuming you can send a report about him in order to get him back into work? Forgive me if I’m wrong.

Your original post was eye opening, I can see why you edited it

Do you work at Bisham Abbey National Sports Centre, or similar. Are there any great walks or activities or eating places (if it’s Marlow) you can name drop in the hope they will think yes I will check that out. If it’s a sports professional and they have already told you where they like to visit socially, then you need to visit with a mate, getting chatting with the owner and get them onto your social media so you can be traced via them if he is connected to them. Or are you involved in a go fund me charity event you can talk about that he can sponsor and get your details from?

I think because you've had a professional relationship, it would always be out of kilter which is why such relationships are prohibited when you're working with clients. You wouldn't give your phone number to a student on the last day of term and this follows similar professional ethics. I suspect you might have to leave it to fate that you bump into each other again.

I literally bumped into my DH eighteen months after I thought I'd never see him again.

The only way I can see around this is if everyone goes for drinks on Friday evening then you no longer have professional obligations...

@Christmasnutcracker She does, in my opinion.

Could you sound him out on Friday on the idea of reading another book and catching up at a cafe to chat about it? Or just say you'll be at x cafe next weekend if he feels like a coffee. You can take a book to a coffee shop and read, I do this sometimes when I want to have a relaxed child free breakfast.

You could casually tell him you always go to X Bar on Fri evenings at 7:30 pm for cocktails / wine.
Not very subtle I know but short of giving him your number I can’t think of any other option.

He may take the hint and come to meet you.

Have a male friend reach out to him on your behalf.

These men come to you for some kind of therapy.

You have a responsible job that is very important to you.

As a therapist, you are in a position of trust.
These people trust you, so does your employer.

You have no idea if he is married or not.

You are confusing kindness and courtesy from your client with something else because he is good looking.

Get on a dating app.

Let it go.

Just leave it. Plenty of other men. Self control and all that.