5 days to make him fancy me!

[Workdate]

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

You think the whole post is an elaborate ruse,a made up scenario concealing shy unforthcoming lust
ooooooooookay

Or a porno!

I don’t think you should after saying what your job role is op. You’re only human and it’s not bad but I think it looks a bit poor.

Sorry I’ve not updated the thread!

There are so many opposing views on here that it’s made it even more difficult to know what to do!

To answer some posts:

He’s said he’s single and it appears that way, but obviously I can’t guarantee it.

I’m not on LinkedIn and I’ve not looked to see if he is, as I’ve heard it tells them that you’ve viewed their page doesn’t it?
Perhaps this would be a good idea if it does.

The giving him a leaving present is a nice idea but there are a handful of other men and if I give one a leaving gift then it may look dodgy.

I am very aware that my colleagues and the other men are aware of our connection (they’ve joked about it) and so I’m extra careful with how professional I am around him.

Someone said that this is a similar situation to a doctor who had an ex patient with an ingrown toenail.
I’m definitely not a doctor but this is very similar to the situation - yes it’s technically wrong but if they’re not a patient anymore and you’re both adults, then why is that an issue?

I would not give up my job for any man.
But I do think if I ran into him in a few weeks time and things started up then it wouldn’t be an issue or as big of an issue with my job.
The trouble is is that I’d have no way of contacting him once a certain amount of time has passed.

My title has annoyed some people - if this was a normal situation we would probably become friends and then over time something more may develop.

My childish ‘needing him to fancy me’ is just because we’re only in contact for a short amount of time, which is why I’m having a bit of a panic and why I need MNers to keep me level headed.

I do think the SM idea is a good idea and perhaps hinting about it and then leaving it up to him to try and find me if he wants to.

I wish it was! 😁

Are you a registered AHP or nurse? or a support worker
You seem to be saying it is technically wrong but a potential risk you will take if oppurtunity arose
you’re exhibiting poor judgement and it puts you In potentially difficult situation with employer
Wonder if you’ve unnecessarily bigged this man up as an ideal match etc
Youre not making a wise choice if you persist and potentially hook up with this former patient. The dynamics are wrong. The optics are wrong. You already know this

So essentially you would go for it if his colleages were not there to judge on your chasing of him, especially if he gives you the knock back.

You want privacy in your endeavours.

No I’m none of those things.

He chooses to pay for a service, which I provide.

And I’m very aware that just because we have a connection, it doesn’t mean that we would have a romantic connection if the opportunity arose and so I am not going to risk it all for someone who may not actually be relationship material.

Yes basically.

If there were no repercussions, then I’d just bite the bullet and ask him out on a date and see where things were to lead.

If it went somewhere, then great.
If it didn’t, then no harm done.

Sports therapist? You said your job is like OT or physio. Are you in a spa or private clinic

I’m definitely not a doctor but this is very similar to the situation - yes it’s technically wrong but if they’re not a patient anymore and you’re both adults, then why is that an issue?

Because

1. You only ever had access to that person because of your professional role and your duty of care.
2. You will inevitably be exploiting information you hold purely because of your professional relationship. Because of that access you will know things about them that you would never know if you met them say at a party - that gives you an inequality that inherently amounts to abuse of the superior professional role. The ingrowing toe nail is a case in point - the dr has access to the persons medical records - they know their age, whether they have any significant medical conditions, contraception, sex life, probably information about their childhood background all kinds of intimate stuff gets recorded in medical records. People tend to chat to and confide in professional advisors more than they would do with anyone else - usually because they know the professional advisor is bound by a duty of confidentiality. That 'knowledge advantage' is exploitative and will be exploitative even if the professional relationship ends.
3. There is an imbalance of power that will transcend the termination of the professional service because it is how the relationship began. This is especially true if you are in a role where you are the provider of a caring professional service. The "patient" feels, rightly probably, listened to, heard and cared for and is vulnerable to developing a crush because they see you as an authority figure, who is an expert who is interested in them and caring for them. It's worse obviously if you 'save them' in any meaningful way from a problem.

I work in one of these worlds as you probably can tell and the absolute worst example of this that you see all the time is older men abusing the power dynamic with younger woman. Often the woman will be adopting a position of 'but I love him. it's all fine'. No its not fine because if you had met this old wrinkled sack of shit down the pub you wouldn't have given him the time of day. He gets your attention because of that imbalance of power where he seems to you to be an interesting hero.

These are very serious issues and they should not just be dismissed as 'its all adults together'.

I don't know what your job is OP and to what extent it truly falls into this class of profession but I'm answering those people who are dismissive of professional rules about this sort of thing. For some professions, it is absolutely critical to adhere to it as any future relationship is founded on an unfair platform whether it goes on to last or not.

Are you definitely over 16? You sound less mature than my teenaged daughters.

*Yes basically.

If there were no repercussions, then I’d just bite the bullet and ask him out on a date and see where things were to lead.*

What are the repercussions you fear most, your job, being judged by colleages or your pride being dented.

I think I would bite the bullet and ask if I were you, surely in 5 days you can get to speak to him privately, I'm sure it wouldn't leak to work and he may not mention it to colleages.
It looks like everyones noticed anyway.

But saying that I would just wait and see if he's eager and asks, you'll know if he wants you.

Good luck, be brave.

I think this would be a very different thread if I was under 16!

But yes I am an adult who fancies another adult.
Shock horror it does happen occasionally.

If we didn’t meet at work, then this wouldn’t be an issue.
The issue is not our ages, it’s the fact that it’s against the rules at work.

This thread is a slew of inappropriate platitudes all gushy.wow! Just go for it!
As I said posters are either wilfully ignoring the staff & patient power dynamics or choosing to side step it and cheer from sideline like a bad romcom

I think the group of men are professional football players hence the rules and warnings about relationships/shagging we all know what footballers get upto.

Is he semi famous?

What are the repercussions you fear most, your job, being judged by colleages or your pride being dented.

My job is very important to me and this is the biggest thing I fear.

I have had a lot of attention from the men and it’s has never entered my head to ever be inappropriate, because my job is more important.

If I’m being honest I also fear being judged my colleagues.

We’ve had staff had to leave and husbands turning up shouting because their wife is having an affair etc and people do judge and it’s embarrassing and I have always said I would never put myself in that position.

Yes my guess is professional footballers at a sports clinic

I agree. It’s embarrassing.

We’ve had staff had to leave and husbands turning up shouting because
their wife is having an affair etc and people do judge and it’s
embarrassing and I have always said I would never put myself in that
position.

But you've said he's single and you are.
So nothing could be as bad as those scenarios.

I doubt they are. League 2 football max. She comes across desperate on here and so likely to him too.

Ooh, I like this approach. Sneaky! None committal too.

So long as it's not Kyle Walker she should be alright 😂

No she doesn't. Stop trying to be mean.