My sister wants to be a doctor. AIBU to say no?

[onthebesttrain]

To refusing childcare help

Not only would most medics say run for the hills anyway, most medics, as in 99.999%, don't have a child when starting medical school.

My sister is 10 years younger than me and currently doing a few shifts as a HCA at the hospital. She completed her a levels and has taken the time away to think of her next steps

She got an A in Biology, Chemistry and English Lit

My mum so supportive but suffers with bad MH issues and chronic fatigue. She said she was so proud of her for choosing medicine and that 'We will support her, I've said we can all chip in'

By all she means me and her... and it's a no from me!

AIBU? This isn't the odd but of childcare. This is ridiculous. Not to mention you need to often travel or live miles away at a moments notice for placements as an FY1, FY2

My mum can't take care of my nephew for that amount of time

My mum said she's really shocked I won't even consider it. I said she isn't thinking right and my sister needs to be more sensible

Seeing them both on Sunday... and I think someone needs to give them both a dose of reality

Our dad is a man of few words and won't.

Oh god, I’ve just seen your last post @porridgeisbae . Do fuck off now with your total shite

Berthatydfil GP training involves shift work too.

Huh? I don’t think I said anything about not doing foundation years?

but I think implying that she’ll be doing endless shifts all around the country with a baby is inaccurate. Sounds like she’ll have a child age about 10 before she gets to the foundation year stage, which I think we can agree is quite different.

I am a doctor and did exactly those A-levels with 3 As.

GPs must complete F1 and F2 before applying for GP training. GP training then consists of various hospital placements including many nights for the first 2 years. So it wouldn't be an early out in this case.

@onthebesttrain sadly it's got to the point where junior doctors need to be from wealthy backgrounds to live comfortably and get through speciality training - doing it without this support AND as a sole parent would be incredibly difficult

I'd encourage her to think of career plans that will reward how smart and driven she is. Lots of "medicine adjacent" things if she did a good science degree.

This could include NHS training posts (genomic counselling etc) or research - both would mean she would start earning directly after her degree and generally the salary is pretty good. There are very competitive PhD stipends now (for the best and the brightest), that are comparable to a good graduate salary.

It would be ideal if she could talk to some doctors through work about the realities of going into medicine and what her life would look like for the next 10-15 years.

@titchy Have you actually been involved with a medical school? Your picture sounds nothing like my experience. And why do a medical degree if you are going to do allied health? Do an allied health degree!

What surprises me is that their Mum just assumed that the OP would provide support- “We will support her, I've said we can all chip in.”

It’s one thing to volunteer support yourself, but you never volunteer other people without asking them first. It’s quite possible that the OP wants to return to work at some point and needs to figure out childcare for her own children. Perhaps her Mum doesn’t see the OP’s career as important though?

She may be able to manage 5 years at university if she gets a place, the university will have childcare available. Placements are not always widely scattered, especially if you have a child. Thereafter she will find it much more difficult but then you are talking about a school age child. She may then decide not to actually work as a doctor but that's a decision for the future.

You are not unreasonable to say you cant help, you are unreasonable, and sound jealous, to say it's ridiculous. You can ask questions about where she would be sent on placement to ensure she has thought through the problems. You can also talk about how much harder the F1/F2 and specialty training would be.

Well, biology and chemistry are required but English literature?

Most medical courses at universities would be looking for maths and/or physics instead.

@onthebesttrain - why do yo want her to fail? What's the back story for why you dislike your younger sister so much?

encourage her to follow her dream. .and also to know more about it by speaking with junior doctors. keep encouraging her to follow her dreams, and think about how she can manage childcare herself with only realistically limited support from family who have other responsibilities. Be kind to her.. don't shatter her dream or her give her a dose of 'unrealistic' .. let her work it out for herself with kindness rather than pissing all over her dreams. It must be hard to want to do medicine when you have a young child. Lots of people do physician associate or other related degrees like biochemistry etc .. but she may find a way.

Would she consider pharmacy? She'd get in with those grades, it's more normal hours at university, it's more normal hours afterwards (or can be, if community based) and it's a hell of a lot more money in the short term, especially if she does locuming. She could then transfer/train up to being a doctor later when she's got less childcare responsibilities?

This has been covered a few times on here now - some unis do, some dont.

@WarningOfGails Undergraduates do go "all around the country". And a 10 year old still needs a lot of parenting and supervision.

You do understand different people have different experiences yes? I'm not involved in med schools no, but know a lot of people that are. And there is a much greater awareness of the need to offer flexibility where possible to ensure students succeed, even than there was a few years ago.

As I said she doesn't have to go direct to F1 - and the kid will be secondary age by then anyway. By allied I meant something like clinical research, not an AHP role.

The required A levels are Bio and Chem, which she has

I got into medical school (now Russell Group thoigh that didn't exist then) with exactly those a levels and grades.

I've got FY1 doctors in my unit with similar a levels and many other people over the years with chemistry and biology and then random other a level.

You are quite within your rights to refuse to care for DSis's child, you have enough responsibilities of your own. Your priority is your family, not hers.
Don't try to put her off being a doctor, though, because people always shoot the messenger. Let her find out for herself if it's do-able or not.

Not true

Evidently she’d need to pick her university carefully then as the ones I’ve been involved with do not send undergraduates ‘all around the country’.

Most medical courses at universities would be looking for maths and/or physics instead.

Errr no they won't.

To be clear this is the post I took exception to. What do you even mean when you say that levelling the playing field so women can participate in HE ‘woke’??

FYI women have far higher rates of progression to HE than men, but (amazingly! Get this!) still have lower lifetime returns to earnings. Why would that be?!

Undergrads don't - they're at uni and local placements!

You sound very much like my sister who thought that I was the worst parent in the world for retraining.

I think that you are jealous.

It's not just that.
OP's nephew has suspected SEN on top of that OP has a disabled child already. Not easy. And another reason why sister might struggle to find appropriate childcare.

Quite frankly parenting a SEN child requires a lot more effort and the child is only 3. Nobody knows how his needs will develop as he gets older. It's very risky to take on something as demanding and time-consuming as medicine.

There are other professions e.g nursing, allied health for example. Not as erm 'prestigious' as being a doctor yes, and for the latter their importance is vastly underestimated , invisible to the general public. But less demanding in terms of time burdens (although nurses have to do lots of placements as well they don't have a 5 year degree).

Of course nothing is stopping the sister if she's determined and has a plan. Said plan just shouldn't involve OP.