Dear OP, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have been there before and it is hard.
Finding joy in tiny, easily accessible things really is one of the most powerful ways back to happiness.
The trick is to really focus on the moment and not to worry too much if you feel numb at first, and they don;t make you happy. You need time to thaw out from the sadness.
A good morning ritual helps:
- Feed the birds. Get a seed feeder and put it near your window. First thing, get a quick blast of fresh air, whatever the weather, as you fill the feeder while the kettle boils.
- make a really nice cup of fresh coffee or tea - whatever you enjoy drinking most. Put it in a mug you like.
- Put on a song or piece of music you love that is also uplifting or calming - no sad songs.
- Then watch the birds as you drink your brew and listen to the music. Take deep breaths,. No need to 'feel happy' just be in the moment.
Go for a walk. If the thoughts start churning in your head, either pay very close attention to what is happening in nature seasonally - even in a city, just checking the buds and leaves in gardens and parks. Or if the thoughts still persist, stick some gentle affirmations on and listen through headphones as you walk.
Comedy. We all listen to the news and then watch crime dramas. Too much. Line up some comedies that run forever - Parks & Rec, Kath & Kim, Frasier. And those filmed stand up sets by top comedians. I got through Covid watching Sarah Millican. There's lovely old ones too of Billy Connolly and Victoria Wood. Just watch comedy for a month. Or gentle uplifting dramas like Marvellous. No crime. No reality shows. No news.
A breakthrough for me was realising these things don't make you feel happier in a curing way - the happiness doesn;t last beyond the moment necessarily. But it can exist in the moment, And if you stitch enough of these moments together every day, then you feel happier for longer which tricks your brain back into thinking it feels okay.
Another couple of things that help a lot:
Make a bucket list of things you've always wanted to do. Include the tiny things, the free things, the nearby things, not just far-flung travel and earning millions. But stuff that is very easily accessible, you just never do it - like drinking morning coffee outside if the weather is fine enough. Or visiting a local landmark. Start doing the small easy things and start saving for/researching/planning some of the bigger ones.
Also - and this fits with the bucket list - do something new every day. this is so good for depressive brains. And keep a record of what it was and hpw you felt. You don;t have to have enjoyed it. It;s just a way of widening your experience of life and capacity for exploring the world and what it offers. So buy a different scent of shower gel, cook a new easy recipe, tune into a Euro pop radio station, go to a local comedy try out above a pub etc etc.
Fundamentally doing that list I've just shared with you has prevented long term, life long depression from coming back to me. I did use medication as well, but once I was off it - keeping this up, along with regular quite strenuous exercise, made all the difference.