I slept with my boss

[Waffflewaffle]

No judgment please, I know that I have massively fucked up here and I feel awful.
We had a company event with overnight stay, several of us stayed up late and we ended up sleeping together. I accept that this is my own fault and probably serves me right, but I have been feeling really anxious since this morning. I know that I sometimes have a tendency to drive myself insane with worry but I’m so worried that I might have completely messed up my career now. I haven’t been in the job for long and just passed my probation and I love my work and the company, and I know that this will look absolutely unprofessional if anyone finds out.
I haven’t spoken to him about it but he seemed as usual and not worried at all this morning. The others in my team could tell that something was off with me but thought I was just hungover, but I’m going insane thinking that someone might have seen something.
Am I driving myself insane here, or could this really impact my career? I’d be mortified if someone thought that this is what I do :(

It is her colleagues business if someone is getting preferential treatment having flirted or slept with the boss and the problem is now even if you deserve an opportunity it's always marred by you sleeping with him like was it truly on her own merits?!

Depends on her performance…. 😂

If you have a good HR dept it might possibly be a good idea to speak to someone there and say 'this happened, it was consensual but since I'm a young female relatively new employee I thought it might be sensible to register this'. Or maybe a female manager you trust to not gossip

This is one of the most batshit things I've ever read on here!

Perhaps it depends what kind of place you work in. I work in Education and this would be really frowned on. Any Headteacher who behaves likes this would be known about, gossiped about and have a reputation not just in his/her own school. I have known of two in the last year who have had complaints made against them by young female staff, or by staff who have claimed the Head was favouring by promoting very quickly a young female staff member he was having an affair with, and investigations taking place within schools.
Many schools, including the one I worked in as a Deputy Head, made a point in staff induction of addressing professional behaviours, including discouraging relationships between staff. We could not stop them but discouraged them because they ALWAYS ended up causing problems back at work.
Some workplaces may take a more liberal approach.

Just to say my last post is on a different thread and I've asked for it to be deleted 😊

@OssomMummy1

Not worth it, even if it was you who couldn't keep her legs together.

What a disgusting, misogynistic comment.

Embarrassing. For you.

OP just own it. I would speak to him and just say basically "whoops! Oh well. Let's agree that that never happened and move on".
If it does ever come out, don't deny it but don't fan the flames. Just a "oh god yeah, but it meant nothing" and move on. Don't explain, don't deny, don't lie, don't give more info than needed.

Also, don't feel bad about having consensual sex with someone you fancied. Don't let people try and slut shame you either or say that you have no self respect. You're a grown woman who is allowed to enjoy a healthy sex life.

Oh OP, I haven't heard the word "slut" used unironically in 20 years or more! Go easy on yourself, you can enjoy sex with any consenting adult you please.

I judge anyone who changes their professional attitude to someone based on that someone's sex life ... i.e. your boss or your colleagues. That's where the potential shame lies, not in you having a great night that is none of anyone's business.

If that's the case and you both consented think no more about it and let everyone think your worried looks are just you being hung over.

Ignore the absolute losers on this thread kicking you when you’re down op. The extreme pearl clutching whenever someone dares to have sex as a single person is laughable! I agree with others, just pretend it never happened!

Don't worry about it - if anyone took advantage, it's clearly him, so his job is far more at risk than yours.

I wouldn't recommend doing this as a regular thing - although having said that, lots of people do meet their partners at work. But with bosses, I just think it's best to keep things on a professional footing!

ETA: FGS don't go to HR! Can't believe people are recommending this, can only assume they don't actually work.

@Midnightgrey wise advice

It's sensible advice - but not true about colleagues being friends. Some of my best mates are former colleagues and I've had some great - and wild - nights out with them.

Slut is such a horrible word. You had consensual no-strings sex with someone you fancied. Don't angst, just move on with grace. Nothing wronging with shagging a hottie as long as you can be dignified after the fact!

I thought you had slept with several of your colleagues!

"several of us stayed up late and we ended up sleeping together."

Go girl!

Could be the start of a wonderful relationship!

I'm just here for the pearl clutching and "log it with HR!" comments

😂😂😂

This is the best advice on this thread.
In my experience any shenanigans that took place between members of staff at social functions always got talked about.

So the best advice is to say nothing and deny everything.

someone does know what happened between you by some means/putting 2 + 2 together/previous form etc

They might suspect, but unless they were actually in the room with them, they don't know. In which case the only 'best policy' is to stay silent, and, if asked, refuse to discuss it. There are certain areas of private behaviour in which, if not directly stipulated in my contract, I do as I like and am not answerable to colleagues or anyone else.

Reporting it is terrible advice. Raising it in any way with 'the boss' is also terrible advice. Least said, soonest mended. I'm with the PP above: say nothing.

@CrabbyMommy no, it's not and I did say it was an inconsequential job, but I did still sleep with my boss so she's not alone in having done that. I went on to work in a professional capacity and I think it the fear would have been bad in those jobs. Although it was not unheard of for trainee's to sleep with partners (usually married and twice their age)

To some confused PPs: the power imbalance is not because he has a dick it’s because he is her boss. It would be the same if OP were a man talking about his female boss.

If your boss strikes up a friendly convo with you at a work do you are much more obliged to play along than of a peer did.

If your boss sleeps with you and wants to forget about it after, you are similarly more obliged to take their lead as if you embarrass yourself my misjudging they can assume your professional judgement is also weaker.

If your boss sleeps with you and wants a relationship but you don’t you need to reject them while maintaining your working relationship with all the consequences on the more junior employee who is cheaper to fire.

This really isn’t about feminism but about seniority.

I suppose maybe it is about feminism if people read ‘boss’ to implicitly mean ‘male manager’ in all situations though 🤔 Thus making sleeping with your boss a unanimously gendered issue…

I work in HR too and totally agree. We do not want to know about this!

It would be totally different if you felt taken advantage of, and I think your boss has been an absolute idiot because there's a power imbalance and he has no way of knowing whether you'd make a complaint. But if it was consensual, even if ill-advised HR do not need or want to know about it.

We do have a workplace relationships policy. It's for situations where staff will declare they are dating a colleague to ensure we don't inadvertently have an employee line managing their partner for example. It is not for staff to report their casual and consensual sexual encounters! 😬

I sure am glad I sowed my wild oats a few decades ago and not in today’s world.