I slept with my boss

[Waffflewaffle]

No judgment please, I know that I have massively fucked up here and I feel awful.
We had a company event with overnight stay, several of us stayed up late and we ended up sleeping together. I accept that this is my own fault and probably serves me right, but I have been feeling really anxious since this morning. I know that I sometimes have a tendency to drive myself insane with worry but I’m so worried that I might have completely messed up my career now. I haven’t been in the job for long and just passed my probation and I love my work and the company, and I know that this will look absolutely unprofessional if anyone finds out.
I haven’t spoken to him about it but he seemed as usual and not worried at all this morning. The others in my team could tell that something was off with me but thought I was just hungover, but I’m going insane thinking that someone might have seen something.
Am I driving myself insane here, or could this really impact my career? I’d be mortified if someone thought that this is what I do :(

It’s harsh but true. I am older so don’t feel qualified to comment in a way, but I do know that the workplace is now stricter with more rigid rules than when I was young. I would have been crushed to sleep with the boss because I was always so ambitious and that ambition came before men I’m afraid, so for me it would have been mortifying.

yes, it is just sex, but in the context of work and the fact that he is her boss there are so many possible ramifications for her future promotion prospects etc. I wouldn’t stay with that firm as I would feel that I had compromised my professionalism. I feel you made a mistake, op but we all make mistakes. The point is to move on, and learn and grow from them.

OP you're heaping a LOT of shame on yourself here! It's all ok - you haven't done anything awful.

It's potentially not the wisest thing to have done as office hook ups can get messy, but sounds like there was no harm done and you both enjoyed yourselves. Life happens. All good. Breathe!

What an unpleasant comment.

The only one who has done something wrong here is your boss! People in position of power should not sleep with people in their team. That's just not allowed these days in most companies.
So take a deep breath... move on. Don't panic and don't do it again. !

You did something that you shouldn't. There are no other "partners" involved in any side.
Just forget about it.

Makes me laugh the expression that you end sleeping together, like if between the drinks and the act itself there was no space, interaction or time.

You had a one night stand, it happened it was your boss. Not ideal, not the end of the world.

This. He has more to lose than you do.

I feel that way after drinking alcohol too, even if I have done nothing! These cringe feelings will pass along with the hangover. Just forget it ever happened for now.
All the best.

This does not seem like a situation you should be tying yourself in knots about. First of all just try to calm down. It is definitley far from the worst situation ever and your boss would come off worse than you in the event that it was found it. I honestly wouldnt sweat it though and go about your job as normal what happened has happened.

I bet he isn't fretting about it.

And your comment was considerably bitchier than the PP’s (who may, let’s be generous, have been joking).

You weren’t joking though which does make me wonder how boring your life is.

Don’t be so unpleasant.

This would be a totally and absolutely mad idea. I would act as if it never happened. Try to be more sensible in future. Meaning don't do things which cause you angst and worry afterwards.

You seem a bit young and naive; forget about it, move on and concentrate in your career; avoid overnight stays or late social events as it looks you may fall again and it won’t be long until someone finds out.

He is used to this and probably have done it many times. Hopefully you can put some boundaries and he will respect them.

It was consensual but it is a worried though as I think he saw an opportunity there with a young, new and naive female.

You are very naive if you think that.

There are some catty comments, but most people are responding to the fact that the OP is both worried about her job and ashamed of what she did, while having a bit of a crush on him.

As her mum or sensible mates would advise her, she has nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not a big deal and she needs to take her lead from him and forget about it to protect herself and her career.

You would have to be living under a rock to think most ONS with senior blokes at work go anywhere, but in the rare ones that do, he wouldn’t be acting like nothing had happened - if he was interested, she’d know. Were this the case, she still needs to forget about it to protect herself, so the advice still stands.

@Waffflewaffle As someone who also slept with her boss, forget about it. You'll end up feeling worse about it if you get yourself in a tizzy around him and things will start to get awkward. You're two consenting adults who had a bit of fun. Don't give it the head space - it's not a big deal.

Also this! My boss told me much later that he was paranoid for weeks that HR was going to come knocking on his door and he was going to lose his job.

As pp said I've slept with 2 of mine. First one was a wanker but I'm happily married to the 2nd 🤷‍♀️

Don't worry about it. At least he was good!

My first boss declared feelings. , no idea what the age gap is between you two, but for me I was 21 and he was 40 I told him nothing was ever going to happen and lost all respect I ever had for him as he was old enough to be my Father.

I don't agree with this at all. Good people do stupid things sometimes and bad people are capable of doing good things. One mistake doesnt define your entire character- if it did, then none of us would be ok because we have all made mistakes in our life.

It's not learning from our mistakes and repeating them over and over that makes it part of our character and regular behaviour.

Is this a big company?

Men can separate this sort of stuff easily.

Put it in a box just like a man would and move on.

No need to feel shame and it’s pointless as it won’t help you.

Good luck in your new job and on the plus side he’ll have to give you a glowing reference for when you get promoted or move onto your next job.

Chalk it down to experience and move on OP. Pretend it never happened. If anyone says anything say well I can remember, it mustn’t have been that memorable.

Judgey people, on this thread and irl, can fuck off. Like they haven’t done anything regrettable ever.

@teddycoat but that's not one mistake there has been flirting for a while.
Also that pp wasn't calling her a bad person, just factually she is the cliche of junior young woman sleeping with her boss.

So you don’t judge her but you judge him? Plenty of men have condoms in their wallet, doesn’t mean he took them out specially for a shag. Or he may have been very drunk and bought some from the vending machine in the loo.

treat them both equally.

Your message reads as though you work in HR…I pray to god this isn’t true if you’re saying things like ‘even if it was you who couldn’t keep her legs together’.

Some people on this thread are being utterly vile.

Agreed. Put it behind you, he has.