To think this is a bizarre overreaction over a chip shop?

[MiamiWindMachine]

A long-term friend came to stay with me this weekend. She has never been the most adaptable of people, but this weekend I have honestly become worried about her failure to cope with the most minor of setbacks.

I went to meet her at my local station on Friday night. We were going out later, so we decided to drop off her bags, have something quick to eat and then go. She said, “Ooh, can we go to that nice chip shop we went to last time?” I said, “Oh no, we can’t - it closed unfortunately”.

I can only describe her reaction as utter bewilderment. She looked at me in complete confusion and said, “Closed? What do you mean, it closed?” It was like she’d never heard the word before. I just said, “Yes, it closed down a couple of months ago”. She’s still giving me the bewildered look. “But… it was REALLY nice!” I said, “Yes, it’s a shame… shall we get a Subway or something?”.

She was still looking at me like I’d just told her her house had burned down. She started this weird muttering. “Closed, closed… it CAN’T be closed; it can’t have just closed. Are you sure it’s closed? Maybe it was just shut when you went past”. I was getting pretty fed up by now, but as the (very much closed) chip shop is right by the station, I took her across the road to show her. She just peered through the window in disbelief, as if she could somehow make the chips appear through sheer force of will. She started saying maybe it wasn’t permanent, maybe they’d just gone on holiday… how that would have helped us that night, I’ve no idea.

I’d had enough now - I just wanted to go to grab some food. I said to her, “Look. The shelves are empty. The fridges are empty. The windows are covered in dust. There are piles of junk mail in the doorway. It has CLOSED DOWN!!”

I eventually somehow got her to McDonalds, but she was still prattling under her breath about how she can’t believe it’s closed, it was REALLY nice, she was really looking forward to those chips… it was unhinged. The people who owned the bloody shop probably made less fuss than this about it closing.

I know it probably sounds funny, but I am honestly wondering if something is really wrong. This just isn’t a normal reaction to something so minor. As I said, she’s never been particularly adaptable - for example, if a train was cancelled, she’d spend more time complaining about it happening than she would looking at alternatives - but I’ve never known her go so overboard before, and all over something so inconsequential. She was fine for the rest of the weekend, but should I have had a word?

If I was craving a chippy tea from a certain place and someone offered me McDonald's, I'd be less than impressed

As a lot of people have mentioned autism, I should say I am also autistic and it's very common not to be able to cope when plans change at the last minute.

Does she have much of a life?

It’s not ableist bollocks from the poster, no one should be diagnosing anyone based on the limited info the op has provided, it’s ludicrous . And then the get angry as someone points it out isn’t ok

I had a friend like this - unable to cope with minor set backs, hanging on to the most strange flippant comments people made and stewing for months, unable to process other people’s emotional responses that didn’t match her own. It because tiring in the end and we grew apart. I suspected that this friend had undiagnosed autism and it sounds like your friend may too. Not sure how you bring that up without offering though.

Please can you name the two chippies @MoonWoman69 or at least the one 10 miles away if you think the one nearer to you would be too outing. There used to be a very small, but great chippie in Kippax, but the owner retired down south probably 15 to 20 years ago now, and the new owners just didn't have the magic touch, so I am still searching for delicious chips all these years later! I don't mind travelling to Leeds for great chips, or even 10 miles out of Leeds in any direction!! 🙈

Nobody was diagnosing autism.

A lot of people, however, were commenting that the kind of reaction the OP's friend demonstrated was very typical of people with autism.

And to say "autism bollocks" is ableist.

@Rokuandice , scallops were s real treat from the chippy when I was growing up. A big slice of potato in batter. NE Wales (close to North Midlands)

Someone told me of how they'd gone to a food fair and had these big oaty pancakes and how good they were. I laughed and said 'Yes, oatcakes. You not had them before?'
If you've not has Staffordshire oatckes, you've missed out. (If you hail from Derbyshire, this does not apply)

Read the thread again. Plenty were.

@TitusMoan We're allowed to have different opinions.

I probably wouldn't have gone on about it as long as your friend seems to have, but this is NOT an unusual reaction for anyone who has ND characteristics, so I think YABU for your lack of understanding.

I can be starving, start craving very specific food, can't get it for whatever reason, then be so thrown by not being able to have exactly what I'd planned, that I might feel too stressed to eat anything at all. I've only realised in my 40s that this the opposite of the majority, who care less about what the food available is the hungrier they are!

Your friend was probably dreaming about those chips for ages and had it all planned out ( probably since she booked the trip!) to get them as soon as she got off the train, so found it too hard to cope with.
I hope you will be more mindful and sensitive to that in future, now that some posters have taken the time to try to explain how it might have felt for her.

One is Murgatroyds, restaurant and take away, near the airport, the other is on the A58 at Birkenshaw, just a little chippy run by a Chinese fella, but boy he knows his stuff!!! I used to love the chippy in Kippax!!! That was the only way I could be coaxed into going and seeing my SIL... Fish and chips from there and I was in!!! 🤣🤣🤣❤❤❤

Oh come on - you’re being harsh. Most of us wouldn’t have any friends at all if we were only friendly with people whose personalities we see as are 100% flawless. Being annoyed - well, more mystified really - about one incident doesn’t mean I don’t like her. I’m sure I must have done something she found irritating or odd over the course of the friendship too, but it would take a lot more than that to end it.

Autism
drinking
dementia
Overtired

Or combination of above.

This really made me laugh, thank you 😂😂

I have a friend like this. She massively over-reacts to the tiniest of tiny unexpected or unforeseen events.

We meet up for lunch a couple of times a year, and the conversation is often a looooong account of her many sagas since we last met up. The last time was an endless account of some mysterious marks that appeared on her car windshield and how she'd tried every product under the sun to remove them, and what could it POSSIBLY BE?!
She seems to, in her words, lurch from crisis to crisis, but when you dig a little deeper, they are literally nothing. She had a meltdown not long ago, because British Gas sent a regular engineer out to service their boiler, and not some sort of British Gas specialist...? Her words? "I've been frantic with worry about it!"

Just... what a hard way to live!

I'm more concerned by you making a post mocking someone you're supposed to be friends with.

That's proper weird behaviour.

That’s pretty unfair on the OP, who seems concerned about her friend, rather than not liking her personality. Being concerned about a change in behaviour can be a sign of caring about a friend too!

Nah I think it's just she obviously thought it was great last time and usually good food places stay open.

So I think you are being dramatic.

@brainworms thanks for that advert link. really made me laugh,

Haha she might have really been looking forward to those fish and chips and she'd built it up in her mind all week.

OP, if a friend of mine called me unhinged behind my back, I wouldn't want them to be my friend.

You haven't used any wording to suggest you want to support her or get her help, just that her behaviour 'isn't normal'.

You've also called her bizarre and weird. Maybe instead of being mystified there's an opportunity to reflect here?

I promise I'm not coming for you here, I'm a bit baffled why somebody else has decided to chime in and say I'm reaching, but either be a caring friend and try and support her if you think something is wrong or accept her how she is. If you want her in your life, and she adds value to it.

Sounds like she could be neurodiverse.

I think there is a difference though between describing a person as ‘unhinged’, etc, and describing their behaviour as such. I read the OP’s post as more the latter. The OP says it is a long-term friend, so would presumably be alert to a change in the friend’s behaviour. I don’t think that is unnecessarily unkind.

Sounds like she’s neurodivergent

She’s probably been really looking forward to it for ages. I used to get so upset when the Chinese in my old town was closed as they often went back to China for a month or two at a time. It’s my favourite Chinese in the entire world and now it’s closed down for good 😫