To think this is a bizarre overreaction over a chip shop?

[MiamiWindMachine]

A long-term friend came to stay with me this weekend. She has never been the most adaptable of people, but this weekend I have honestly become worried about her failure to cope with the most minor of setbacks.

I went to meet her at my local station on Friday night. We were going out later, so we decided to drop off her bags, have something quick to eat and then go. She said, “Ooh, can we go to that nice chip shop we went to last time?” I said, “Oh no, we can’t - it closed unfortunately”.

I can only describe her reaction as utter bewilderment. She looked at me in complete confusion and said, “Closed? What do you mean, it closed?” It was like she’d never heard the word before. I just said, “Yes, it closed down a couple of months ago”. She’s still giving me the bewildered look. “But… it was REALLY nice!” I said, “Yes, it’s a shame… shall we get a Subway or something?”.

She was still looking at me like I’d just told her her house had burned down. She started this weird muttering. “Closed, closed… it CAN’T be closed; it can’t have just closed. Are you sure it’s closed? Maybe it was just shut when you went past”. I was getting pretty fed up by now, but as the (very much closed) chip shop is right by the station, I took her across the road to show her. She just peered through the window in disbelief, as if she could somehow make the chips appear through sheer force of will. She started saying maybe it wasn’t permanent, maybe they’d just gone on holiday… how that would have helped us that night, I’ve no idea.

I’d had enough now - I just wanted to go to grab some food. I said to her, “Look. The shelves are empty. The fridges are empty. The windows are covered in dust. There are piles of junk mail in the doorway. It has CLOSED DOWN!!”

I eventually somehow got her to McDonalds, but she was still prattling under her breath about how she can’t believe it’s closed, it was REALLY nice, she was really looking forward to those chips… it was unhinged. The people who owned the bloody shop probably made less fuss than this about it closing.

I know it probably sounds funny, but I am honestly wondering if something is really wrong. This just isn’t a normal reaction to something so minor. As I said, she’s never been particularly adaptable - for example, if a train was cancelled, she’d spend more time complaining about it happening than she would looking at alternatives - but I’ve never known her go so overboard before, and all over something so inconsequential. She was fine for the rest of the weekend, but should I have had a word?

Could be either undiagnosed female autism (esp if you’ve noticed some traits before) or just that she really really fancied the chips (or fish) that she’d had last time.

I can imagine someone really looking forward to what they’d had the time before and being wrong footed by it not being available but equally this does seem rather extreme disbelief if it isn’t down to neurodivergence.

I also struggle massively with a change in plans! I think having children helps as you have to manage their disappointment and find solutions for them, so over the years I've learned to be more spontaneous and flexible, but it is not my natural state. I like to know what I'm doing. Not ND, just a bit fixed and rigid, and I can imagine feeling genuinely disappointed as if I decide on a Chinese and then the Chinese shop is shut for Chinese New Year, I'll feel quite gutted for an hour or two!

I don't know why food brings this out so much either.

Had she been banging on about it all weekend, that would be worrying, but people do repeat themselves/get fixed on a certain food, and perhaps if she lives alone, this tendency isn't getting challenged as much.

The Chinese in the next town over from us closed down after the first lockdown and I still go all Victor Meldrew about it.

It was the stir fry broccoli. It was the stuff of dreams.

Sorry! I should have read the thread shouldn't I? 😂

😆😆

@MiamiWindMachine

There's no point in 'mentioning' it.

i think almost all of us have faced this kind of disappointment & reacted in different ways. However your friends reaction IS extreme.

it is possibly autism (given her previous behaviour) but if it is she will have noticed herself or people who are with her more often will have noticed. I think your 'job' in all of this is to just be her friend she sees a couple of times a year & is a friend who isn't part of this that she's going through.

im now 54 & going through a lot of things & it's nice to have some friends that aren't part of the whole drama.

you said she was fine the rest of the holiday, just focus on that.

I’m sorry but I’m laughing that people are saying autism here (if you have loads of other examples then fair enough but on this one other people diagnosing is nuts!!!) She was probably telling everyone about these fab chips she got or like someone said she fancied someone there!

Well obviously it's not a typical reaction. But if she ordinarily struggles with change or adapting to new plans etc then it would seem to point to neurodiversity, like PPs have said.

I have to say though, as someone who is ND and has ND kids, it's so disheartening to see OP and so many other PPs using words like "unhinged", "weird", "bizarre", even comparing her to a toddler. It's great that lots of PPs have been empathetic and approaching the situation with an enquiring mind rather than judgement, but wow there's a long way to go before ND people can feel accepted.

If I wanted a Chippy Tea, and someone offered me Subway or McDs, I wouldn’t be upset, I’d be livid

The chip shop in Hexham market place, that had a lovely little cafe downstairs in the basement, closed the cafe bit and DH and I can't get over it. Every time we are in Hexham we go and look through the window at the stairs down to where the cafe was to see if they have re-opened it, then we discuss why it might have closed and refute each possibility as a good reason, reminisce over the times we had fish and chip lunches there and wonder if it will open again. It's been 2 years.

Whether its autism or not, its weird behaviour to be so put out by a chip shop that's closed that she literally went over and stared through the window as if it was suddenly going to open. I have been diagnosed as on the spectrum as well, but I've never reacted like that.

If I'm in the right (wrong?) frame of mind, I could probably cry over food.

If she was fine for the rest of the weekend there's not really an issue. She was just disappointed that something good has been taken away.

We don't like change do we Dierdre?

(I'm autistic therefore I am allowed to take the piss a bit).

I had a friend exactly like this. If you planned to meet for lunch or dinner, she would decide via the online menu what she was going to order weeks in advance. If you had to change plans for any reason it would be the end of the world.

is she on the spectrum by any chance? I have a friend who can’t cope with change if she’s got the idea in her head. She’s not been out for a meal before to a different restaurant with friends as they couldn’t book the original place, just sat at home instead.

Nobody is diagnosing anything. People are just suggesting it's a possibility based not only on this one example but also on the fact that OP says her friend is generally not adaptable to change.

Autism is not some super rare, unheard of condition. It's just as likely a possibility as "maybe she fancied someone who worked there". Probably more so. I've never known a NT person react like that because they fancied someone who worked in a shop.

I hate to “online diagnose” but does she have signs of Asd?
Changing of set perceived set plans can be a struggle for many people on the spectrum.

Sounds like my sister who has this overwhelming urge to get to the bottom of** every bloody situation she ever comes across.
A shop closing, a friend moving, roadworks on the m20, a stray dog mentioned on FB, my iPad acting strangely, whether squirrels ever have nut allergies, what error message E301X means on someone else's washing machine.
On and on and on.
I love her really but by god...

I agree an overreaction, however, IF she has undiagnosed autism and she was travelling, nervous etc maybe that was her crutch to hold on to as it was something familiar and a comfort.

Also, as the food was apparently so amazing, maybe that's what shocked her.

I was shocked recently when a local bistro closed, their food was incredible and it saddened me it would take a long time to find something that good again.

What's with all the Autism Bollocks?

I'm with your friend. A quality chippy is a rare thing of beauty so obviously you'd be distraught to learn of its closure if you've been travelling and looking forward to a yummy portion of fish, chips and mushy peas.

No way would I accept food from a MacD's as a decent substitute. That stuff's pure shite in comparison! 😝

It isn't the fact that the OP showed her friend the closed-down shop which makes her not nice and intolerant.

It's the fact that she's written a thread on MN, taking the piss out of someone who was (in my autistic mind) having an autistic meltdown to something which she expected to find, and which was no longer there.

NT people cannot understand how devastating this can be for people with autism.

Another friend was a bit like this @Rattenbury and would bug me days or weeks before we went for lunch or dinner asking what I was planning to eat (I think she wanted to order something different to me) - I'd laugh and say I would decide at the time. She didn't get upset if plans changed though

Exactly this.

OPs friend is very clearly ND.

I was thinking how weird this is until I remembered that I sat down and cried when a particular store closed down. It used to sell unusual foods that I can’t get anywhere else and health supplements, and I can actually feel myself tearing up just thinking about it. A few weeks ago two well known stores closed in my area. It is actually upsetting. The closures are part of the legacy of lockdown and the cost of living crisis I suppose, so it is quite sad when you think about it.

Reminds me of the time I had been off bread for a while and found it really hard. I decided as a treat to have a scone and went to a nice cafe. I went to the counter to ask if they had scones and the staff said its table service, so I said OK but you still have scones yes? When she said yes I said 'I'll be ordering one of those so' and sat down. I was waiting ages to order then eventually after getting my coffee and still waiting, a waiter came over to tell me they were out of scones. Nooooooooo!!!! I was gutted!!! Much like your friend. I almost cried but made myself hold it together. Half laughing half shuddering at the memory.