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Autistic women assemble! #3

996 replies

Nepmarthiturn · 06/01/2024 18:58

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

1

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

#2
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
JewelleryCat · 10/01/2024 17:32

Did you ever meet her @TheShellBeach? I couldn’t imagine being a nurse in prison, seeing all those criminals. My hat goes off to you

TheShellBeach · 10/01/2024 17:34

JewelleryCat · 10/01/2024 17:32

Did you ever meet her @TheShellBeach? I couldn’t imagine being a nurse in prison, seeing all those criminals. My hat goes off to you

I was working on the maternity unit at the time so I didn't see her.

She hadn't been convicted then and was held apart from the other women because of the nature of the charges.

TheShellBeach · 12/01/2024 15:38

Had an infuriating experience yesterday when DH and I collected our new Motability vehicle.
I'll need the laptop to tell y'all about it.

TheShellBeach · 12/01/2024 19:24

Okay, let me tell you something wonderful first.

DS came to our house today and asked me to stand up, so I did, wondering what on earth he wanted.

Reader, he gave me a cuddle. HIs version of a cuddle - not too close, but as close as he could manage.

I was just so happy. It was a very special moment.

TheShellBeach · 12/01/2024 19:43

Anyway - on to the collection of the Motability car.

We live in a very rural location, so we had to travel a hundred miles to get it.

The lovely bloke who had dealt with us throughout the process took us to the car and introduced us to X, a youth of about 15 (I'm joking - young men look younger and younger to me, as I age).

X was going to go through all the controls and tell us what they all were. That was his role, his raison d'etre.

It did not go well. When I told him I didn't understand various things he looked at me as if I was the most stupid and irritating customer ever. My brain just would not compute some of the things he said.

For example:

What, I asked, is the difference between cruise control and the speed limiter?

He was unable to tell me - well, not in a way I could comprehend. He got annoyed with me for not understanding. There were other things I did not understand (what is the point of the B pedal - it seems to do the same as D)?

He eventually told me to work out what all the buttons did as we were driving along (!) or "watch a couple of You Tube videos about the Arkana".

FFS I can easily watch You Tube videos about the Arkana. Not impossible at all. The whole point of X was so that I didn't have to watch You Tube videos about the Arkana. He was meant to tell me all about the Arkana. That was his job.

He gave up after a while and wandered off, looking really angry.

I was also angry. He made me feel foolish, old, mentally slow and incompetent.

<<<memo to self - remember to watch some You Tube videos about the Arkana>>>

<<<second memo to self - complain about X to manager of car dealership>>>

TheShellBeach · 12/01/2024 19:46

Bonus points to DS though, because I was telling him this saga and he explained to me what the difference between the speed limiter and the cruise control was.

And he did it in one sentence.

And he cannot even drive.

And I understood immediately.

JewelleryCat · 12/01/2024 20:00

Your son sounds lovely @TheShellBeach well done him but that dealership doesn’t sound like it should be running. Very bad service there

LoveSandbanks · 12/01/2024 20:18

We picked up our new motability car just before Christmas. The guy had to get a youth to explain things for us because he didn't know. When did cars get so complicated?
Even our damn dishwasher is wifi!

LoveSandbanks · 12/01/2024 20:22

We have three dogs (because autistic people don't do things by halves!), one of them is a 14 year old toy poodle. He has been my rock (apart from my husband) through my worst times. He's been my "emotional support dog" through thick and thin.
He's always suffered the odd partial seizures but they were infrequent and .... partial.
Over the last few months they've got worse - the last longer and are less partial than before. We discussed it with the vets when we had him vaccinated the other day and also picked up meds for him to take when he gets groomed (he HATES being groomed).
Today he got groomed, usual fuss but nothing too untoward. Until I was on a work call at 2.45 and had to exit quickly because he was having a fit. Wasn't to bad a quickly over. 4pm another fit. Phoned the vets and took him straight there. Since then, despite 5mg of diazepam he's had 2 further fits!
I don't know why I'm saying all this except, we're going to lose him soon and I'll be heartbroken

Floopani · 12/01/2024 20:39

Barbarachicken · 09/01/2024 14:23

Hello everyone, please can I join you? I'm very recently diagnosed (Nov 2023) and been trying to process it all, which has been hugely emotional, overwhelming, & exhausting, even though I already knew in myself for a few years ...To have got to age 46 thinking I was 'just' highly anxious (diagnosed with GAD & OCD a few years ago) and sensitive, & that every single day of my life was a struggle without truly understanding why. It's mind blowing and I've been so, so upset at what my life might have been had anyone known before now. However, I'm trying hard to look forward rather than back too much, with this new lens, and not beat myself up as to why I have not managed to achieve what my peers have, particularly career-wise. I could never understand why I was intelligent on paper, but never felt as though I was fulfilling my potential? I'm trying to be kind to myself and let this new me unfold.

This feels so familiar, although I haven't sought formal diagnosis yet. I have had GAD/OCD my whole life. When autism was recently suggested to me (and it does very much make sense) I have almost been in a grieving process, because if I have GAD/OCD I felt like if I just tried hard enough or found the right treatment or technique I could be 'fixed'. If I get an ASD diagnosis, I can't be. I'm finding it all very confusing and a bit distressing right now.

Also hopped off the thread for a bit because I worried I was a fraud for posting without a diagnosis, but seeing so many similarities with other posters. I'm really feeling torn.

TheShellBeach · 12/01/2024 20:46

@LoveSandbanks

I am terribly sorry about your dog. That's so sad.

Losing a companion animal is like tearing out your heart.

It's unbearable. I understand how you're feeling.

Flowers
Floopani · 12/01/2024 20:48

LoveSandbanks · 12/01/2024 20:22

We have three dogs (because autistic people don't do things by halves!), one of them is a 14 year old toy poodle. He has been my rock (apart from my husband) through my worst times. He's been my "emotional support dog" through thick and thin.
He's always suffered the odd partial seizures but they were infrequent and .... partial.
Over the last few months they've got worse - the last longer and are less partial than before. We discussed it with the vets when we had him vaccinated the other day and also picked up meds for him to take when he gets groomed (he HATES being groomed).
Today he got groomed, usual fuss but nothing too untoward. Until I was on a work call at 2.45 and had to exit quickly because he was having a fit. Wasn't to bad a quickly over. 4pm another fit. Phoned the vets and took him straight there. Since then, despite 5mg of diazepam he's had 2 further fits!
I don't know why I'm saying all this except, we're going to lose him soon and I'll be heartbroken

I'm sorry to hear about your dog @LoveSandbanks , sending you my best wishes.

Psychoticbreak · 13/01/2024 10:35

@TheShellBeach Your son sounds like a great kid :) Dealership man sounds like a dick.

@LoveSandbanks I lost a dog last year to seizures. I will be thinking of you. It is very hard to lose a pet x

LoveSandbanks · 13/01/2024 12:56

@Psychoticbreak he seems to be doing ok. Very unsettled. I spent the night on the sofa with him as that’s the only place he’ll settle. Today me and dh are taking it in turns to hold him on the sofa otherwise he just cries.
he’s had a lot of diazepam and I’m hoping that’s the cause of him being unsettled.

Barbarachicken · 13/01/2024 15:01

@Floopani I would really encourage you to seek formal diagnosis if you can. It has been life changing for me - admittedly not always in a positive way (I think I have cried more in the last 2 months than the whole of my life put together) but those tears obviously need to flow.

I think in time it will be the best thing I have done. I can hopefully learn to forgive myself, and stop berating myself for all the things I haven't achieved, & thought I 'should' have.

You're right in that we can't be 'fixed', however, knowing this about yourself and being able to make necessary adjustments, is so so helpful. For example I now spend a lot more time decompressing whereas before I would just keep pushing myself which inevitably ended in overload and meltdowns (really don't like the word meltdown!). If I know that my home is going to be noisy with teenagers I wear earplugs, etc etc. I am becoming far more unapologetic about my needs.

Re GAD my assessor said that she would hope a lot of my anxieties would reduce post diagnosis and I have to say that is true so far. I wish you all the best - if you don't already have it I highly recommend Sarah Hendrickx book 'Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder'

Psychoticbreak · 16/01/2024 10:47

@LoveSandbanks hows the wee doggie doing?

I am going through a bad time personally right now and the people who should be there for me are the ones causing my misery and pain. These are the same people mind who just went 'oh right' when I got my diagnosis and thats been it really since, silence. Speaks volumes. I am very lucky with my friends cos my family have turned out to be asshats.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 16/01/2024 11:06

@Psychoticbreak I'm sorry to hear about that. It's the only down side I think to diagnosis. It's something that made me retreat and its something that my DD is struggling with now too, as I think others view her differently, or don't understand. It's a double edged sword in many ways.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 16/01/2024 11:19

I see there is another thinly veiled Autism bashing thread. In AIBU, natch. Something like 'Neurodiverse terms won't be in use much longer' (in their apparent expert opinion)

The usual shit from the OP about there being increased diangosis, and how 'every second person is now ND' and also 'sick of hearing about celebrities that are ND' All the usual crap is being trotted out. Apparently they don't like the fact that 'we call them' NT either. Someone else piped up that because they have anxiety they are thinking about adopting the 'ND label'

There's another thread from a poster who has ASD but is struggling with someone at work who aslo may be ASD. Of course the absolute beauty of 'I don't understand why so many older women are being diagnosed - why??? Just why? I just don't understaaaaand'

Fucking hell, man. Just fuck off people. I cannot imagine feeling so embittered about a health issue that I'd start a thread complaining of and questioning other people's disabilities. I've never heard of any other health conditions whereby there's now more awareness, being torn to shit. It's getting worse. We can't win. More awareness = More understanding? Nope. Quite the opposite.

LoveSandbanks · 16/01/2024 11:27

Hi @Psychoticbreak thanks for asking. Teddy passed away yesterday. We were with him when he died and it was very peaceful. He was very ready. He’d spent the whole weekend being held by us.

families are often quite shit I’m afraid. Sorry to hear yours is no different. Big hugs

LoveSandbanks · 16/01/2024 11:36

@RainbowZebraWarrior I no saw that thread I haven’t posted on there because it’s my life long dream to not argue with stupid 🤣

joking aside if someone needs to ask why so many older women are being diagnosed I simply don’t have language basic enough to explain it. It’s about as obvious as why fish die out of water.

it makes me want to comment “tell me you’ve had no education without telling me …”

ChaoticBag · 16/01/2024 11:47

Yes more diagnosing seems to equal less understanding, devaluing of the diagnosis, scepticism ( someone at work actually said 'oh we're all a bit like that' and so you end up feeling even more judged (for apparently jumping on a bandwagon and getting a trendy label) rather than more understood.

LoveSandbanks · 16/01/2024 11:55

ive just had a look at that thread. What an utter toxic shit show!

TheShellBeach · 16/01/2024 12:15

@LoveSandbanks I'm very sorry indeed to see the sad news about your beloved Teddy.

Flowers
RainbowZebraWarrior · 16/01/2024 12:19

@LoveSandbanks so sorry to hear about Teddy. Pleased it was peaceful, and you and he got time for some lovely hugs in the final days.

JewelleryCat · 16/01/2024 14:32

Sorry for your loss @LoveSandbanks 💐