Working mums - would you rather be a SAHM?

[Feelingcrappy2]

Just out of curiosity. I have 2 little ones, very undecided whether or not to go back. Feel lucky that I have the option to stay home but not sure if I want another year of being in this flat!

Probably because they have bills to pay? A child to feed and clothe?

What alternative do you suggest if they have bills to pay and a child to feed?

I know that we're veering away from the topic at hand but I need to say this: your DH pulling rank on you and denying you any 'power' in the relationship because 'he's the one making money' is just vile. Truly vile.

My DH would never see fit to produce this argument (not that he ever would given that I didn't marry absolute trash) because he recognises that the reason he's able to climb the ladder and make so much money is because I am taking care of every other important aspect of our lives. If he had to do childcare full time, buy his own groceries, clean and maintain the home etc there wouldn't be any time in the day left for him to 'make the money'. Hence the reason sahms are equally as important in this dynamic and should never accept this bullshit.

Like I said before I adore being a sahm and would ideally never work again but I can absolutely understand why others would. But it does hurt my heart when some (not a massive amount tbf) women say that they do so almost out of fear that they wouldn't be seen as 'important' by their DP/DH and therefore don't get any say on where funds go. Red flag right there. Truly.

I was not cut out to be a sahm! I wanted to get back to work after 9 mths mat leave!

I have been a SAHM for the last 14 years and have whole ive always struggled with my MH i never thought staying at home could be the contributing factor. just recently got a part time job. It made me realise i should have done this a long time ago. i feel i have a purpose!

No way. Maybe now DD is at school, but not if I had to fill all day every day. I did it briefly and it was awful and so boring.

If one salary won’t cover the bills, then yes, both parents will have to work and the child will need to go to daycare.

longterm, we are now in a position to help our children with uni, driving lessons, possibly even house deposits. If I had given up work we would not have had those options.

i earn more than dh. He has had periods of pt/sahm and enjoyed it. He is currently wfh flexi to be around for the teens. He is conscious though that society doesn’t treat sahd the same way as sahm- they can’t possibly do a good job, I must have a terrible life earning the money, seeing to the kids and house while he does nothing etc. plus many men see house and kids as “lesser”- it’s a women’s role and men are too manly to be doing cleaning and wiping noses.

Just for balance I am a sahm and I love it 💁‍♀️. I am a qualified teacher and taught for 10 years but I didn’t go back after having my second. I like having the time to cook healthy meals and go for walks with the baby. I enjoy having a clean house and having the time to clean it during the day so we can enjoy our evenings. I volunteer one day a week and do a couple of clubs in the evening. I would never judge a woman for her choices, I’ve been a working mom and a stay at home mom and they both come with their pros and cons. I have to say, we have a much happier home life than we did when I was out at work all day. For that reason it is the right choice for our family.

MN seems to be of the overwhelming view that being a SAHP is a terrible fate.

Personally, I really value being able to keep on top of all the life admin and chores during the day, so evenings and weekends are purely for fun and relaxation.

And I love the slower pace. Things just take as long as they have to take. I can dedicate an entire day to doing the food shopping and batch cooking, and that's fine, rather than having to optimise and fine tune absolutely everything for the sake of time and efficiency.

I also love that my child's care involves just including her in day to day jobs. E.g. Cutting vegetables is a fun activity for her. And it doesn't matter if it takes 10x longer, because we have the time.

And yes, it can be hard and it can be boring. But hard doesn't always mean bad. It's sad to me that so many seem to be suggesting that having to fill an entire day with your children on your own is so dreadful.

Yes, in a heartbeat! Maternity leave was the happiest and most fulfilling time of my life.

I would get bored once they started school though, so there is that.

It isn't just 1 day though is it? It's days, weeks, months and potentially years on end.

That isn't for me, I need a balance. Not just days of filling time with DC.

I don't want to be a SAHM exactly. I want to be a WFH self employed mum. Husband doing 4 days, me doing 4 days and three days in childcare.

I've already set up my s-e work, and am building up a buffer doing matched betting whilst on mat leave.

It's as much being done with the world of work as it is about wanting time with my child. I'm very self driven and hate the faff of modern employment.

I am on maternity leave and I will have to go back FT as I am the (slightly) higher earner and we need two salaries. I do like my job but just love being with my baby girl more, so if I had the choice I would choose to work very part-time -- maybe two days a week.

Your DH sounds awful though going by your update and not the type of man I'd want to be a SAHM with... you need to keep your financial independence in case you ever split up as he might not be the type to treat you fairly

If money wasn't a factor, 100% stay at home.
Work is so much harder and tiring.
I'm also very introverted and like my own company so don't need the social interaction as much as some.

Nope. I was a SAHM for best part of 7 years and was very bored of being "mum" rather than "me".

I still do all the after school juggling as I'm on a 21 hour contract but it's great to have a job where things actually get finished rather than interrupted by a yell of "mummy" and I can go to the toilet and drink a hot drink in peace!

No, never would have been happy as a SAHM.

Part time was useful when the DS's were at primary though

and if I had been a SAHM I would not now be earning enough to send the DC to uni with everything paid for, which to me is really important

I would rather stick pins in my eyes than be a SAHM. I love keeping house, but I HATE the monotony of school run, homework, bath time, bedtime. I might like to be a childless trophy wife next time round😆

It's not for me. I admit it's hard work being full time and juggling kids but I'd never want to be reliant on one person or be trapped because I could financially support myself. This forum is full of unhappy people not being able to leave due to being financially reliant.

No. I think the vast majority of people with hankerings after being a SAHP are people who for whatever reason have never found a type of work they find meaningful or enjoyable.

Never! Mine are nearly grown up now and I am so glad I went back to work. I have a healthy pension pot in place, financial independence and I have had so much fun in my career that I would have missed out on.

I love my kids passionately but I would have been bored rigid being at home with them all the time. I am a better mum when I have lots of other stuff going on in my life which is nothing to do with being a parent.

I have also seen the impact of not having your own money when a marriage goes tits up and wanted to always feel like I had the choice if that happened.

I would be a sahm in a heartbeat if I could afford it. I work part time , I am studying in the evenings and rush my kids around to various clubs. I’m worn out and stressed. I would be a much better mum if I was home, the house would be tidy, I wouldn’t be so snappy. All this bollox modern women have to do it all no wonder half of them are on anti depressants. Take my advice be with your kids. You won’t be bored there is plenty to do you only have 6 hours and then it’s time to pick them up from school. Tidy, make dinner , have a run , do some admin , done. Sounds so much better than sitting at a desk listening to your colleagues talk a load of shit.

Not weird question at all - just amazed at the numbers of posters - SAHM but with no or little plans to share the financial burden. I don’t know any SAHM’s - all family and friends have returned to full time work at the end of their maternity leave.