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Original poster

Working mums - would you rather be a SAHM?

298 replies

Feelingcrappy2 · 31/12/2023 17:33

Just out of curiosity. I have 2 little ones, very undecided whether or not to go back. Feel lucky that I have the option to stay home but not sure if I want another year of being in this flat!

OP posts:
SylvieLaufeydottir · 31/12/2023 17:53

Jesus Christ, no. I'd hate it and be miserable and depressed. I never considered it.

I worked 0.8 when they were preschool. That worked well.

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 31/12/2023 17:55

No. I stayed at home until ds was 3, he’s 16 now. I have a fantastic career and wouldn’t give that up for the world

TwilightSkies · 31/12/2023 17:56

I’d never want to be SAHM. I’d find it mind numbing personally. I love working! And being financially independent.

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MrsBellsBoots · 31/12/2023 17:56

I find it entertaining on MN when women say how hard it is being a SAHM, and how they can't wait to get back to work. And yet, there are also posters who think it's ever so mean that the poor men have to go to work and don't have the chance to stay at home and mess about with the kids.
Sorry I'm digressing, and it's not aimed at you OP.
We were farming when I had my children so I did both, which worked well for me.
Many of my friends worked fewer hours than me with very young children, and then much more later. I ended up working evening shifts around my husband's work, which was nice when the children were at school (time to myself) and of course saved worrying about childcare in the holidays and when they were ill.
Best of both worlds I think.

Outandabout43 · 31/12/2023 17:57

I thought I would love to be a SAHM, this two weeks of christmas holiday as made me realise I don't.

I do 3 days a week and find it's a nice balance.

LangMayYerLumReek2024 · 31/12/2023 17:58

Gawd no. I did my mat leaves. Enjoyed them but that was enough.

I need the company of other adults and to use my brain.

ElaineMBenes · 31/12/2023 18:00

Nope.
I love my job and I hate the idea of being financially dependent on someone else.

Greycottage · 31/12/2023 18:01

No.

I work full time, from home, with a fair amount of flexibility to manage my own time (can do the school run every day, have some evening meetings etc. after kids are in bed).

It challenges me intellectually and gives me a sense of self worth. Plus good money. I would hate to have nothing to do all day while they are at school/nursery.

It wasn’t always easy maintaining my career while they were babies, but it was worth it.

Wisenotboring · 31/12/2023 18:01

I have done a mixture of PT, SAHM and most recently FT. Each was absolutely right at the time. SAHM wasn't for me long term as I got lonely and my mental health took a bit of a knock. Now they are more at school maybe I would enjoy it a bit more as I could focus more on fitness. I still think I would get a bit bored amd lonely though. Having said that, my stay at home years were by and large wonderful and absolutely the right thing for my family and me...until they weren't!

sHREDDIES19 · 31/12/2023 18:02

Unfortunately I’m the main earner so was never an option for me but if I had the choice and money was covered, I’d love to be a sahm. So fulfilling and rewarding. The time when they’re little flies by. Work is just that, a way of making money to survive before you die. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate some people have amazing careers and contribute so much to society but a few bereavements have reaffirmed that life is short and time with your babies is precious.

TeenLifeMum · 31/12/2023 18:02

God no! I felt I lost myself when I was a sahm (3dc under 4 and couldn’t afford to work until they got 15 hours of childcare covered). I’m much happier with a career and knowing I stay with dh because I love him rather than being financially forced to stay.

Dynamoat · 31/12/2023 18:02

No, I enjoy work, I'm progressing in my career and I love my independence, DH and I share everything but I do like that I could walk away and be absolutely fine if he did have a midlife crisis and turn into a twunt. I also like role modelling to my dd and ds that women and men can both work and split the housework equally.

I sometimes get a pang of jealousy when my sahm friends say they're spending the day at coffee shops and curling up with a novel, but I'm not sure I could cope with 30 years of that.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 31/12/2023 18:03

No, dd is a young adult now, but I always worked FT and I'm so grateful for having been able to progress my career. It gives me something positive to focus on now that dd is all grown up.

MintJulia · 31/12/2023 18:03

No.

I'm a single mum with a career. I was furloughed during the first lockdown and had five months being a stay at home mum.

Obviously I was home schooling and we couldn't go out too many places, but I had five months to spend with ds, cooking, walking, running etc. I valued it, we got on fine (after the first week), but it wasn't enough of an intellectual challenge for me. I needed more and was ready to go back to work.

Clingfilm · 31/12/2023 18:05

Not now they're older and at school but I was when they were under 3 and it was glorious.

SausageCasseroles · 31/12/2023 18:05

Gosh absolutely.

If people won the lottery would they really carry on working!? I absolutely wouldn't if we didn't have too. I'd easily find projects to do!

Brexile · 31/12/2023 18:06

If you have a crap menial job (of which I've had plenty) being home would obviously be preferable. If you have a nice cushy number in an office (as I did as a temp for a few months in 2021) then that's a holiday compared to running around after DCs. So, depends on the job.

MariaVT65 · 31/12/2023 18:07

No. I need adult interaction and to use my brain a bit.

And I honestly believe my son is getting an experience at nursery that I can’t give him.

spriots · 31/12/2023 18:09

No.

I really enjoy and get satisfaction from my job which is well paid and fairly flexible so I can afford nice things and don't miss stuff at school etc

But I am unusually able to get promotions and work at a senior level while also being part time which is fabulous.

I do sometimes look back at photos of when they were toddlers and wish I had had more time with them but I also know that I would not have been happy fulfilled shiny mum but broken, tired and shouty mum so I think it's better this way

MNSlapperTwot · 31/12/2023 18:09

No way!! We could have afforded one of us to stay home, but we both chose to go back to work. Parental leave was enough for both of us! We love our child dearly and have quality time at the weekend/evenings/mornings together. If one of us stayed at home, I think we would have been miserable and weekends would just be letting the other decompress!!

Greycottage · 31/12/2023 18:10

SausageCasseroles · 31/12/2023 18:05

Gosh absolutely.

If people won the lottery would they really carry on working!? I absolutely wouldn't if we didn't have too. I'd easily find projects to do!

Winning the lottery is a different scenario though. If I won the lottery I would start my own business based around my hobby, spend my time doing said hobby, start a charity foundation and spend all my time allocating the grants, plus travel, move house etc. I probably wouldn’t keep my current job - perhaps if I could do it as a consultant, a few hours here and there when it suited. I couldn’t just sit idle.

I suppose I could try and do that as a SAHM - start the business around my hobby - but then I would be counted as a working mum again!

coxesorangepippin · 31/12/2023 18:10

Nope.

Financial independence is hugely important to me

LeonieSN93 · 31/12/2023 18:12

I would in a heartbeat. I loved maternity leave and having time with my children. I've come to terms with the fact that I need to work to provide them with the lifestyle I want for them but it hurts 😔 For a long time it just felt wrong and unnatural to be letting other people do the job that I was supposed to be doing...

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/12/2023 18:15

Absolutely not.

I love my career and I couldn't imagine as an adult financially depending on someone else. Financial independence is incredibly important to me.

avocadotofu · 31/12/2023 18:15

I work 3 days a week and that really suits me, it feels like the best of both worlds. I personally wouldn't want to give up work.

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