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Original poster

Working mums - would you rather be a SAHM?

298 replies

Feelingcrappy2 · 31/12/2023 17:33

Just out of curiosity. I have 2 little ones, very undecided whether or not to go back. Feel lucky that I have the option to stay home but not sure if I want another year of being in this flat!

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 31/12/2023 18:59

@Devilsmommy i had twins and honestly, 3dc is too many 😂 you actually have to be super chilled or it would break you. As you’ll note from my post… I went to work - that’s how I coped. They’re 12 and older dd is 15 and they’re so fab. Love this stage.

Ragwort · 31/12/2023 18:59

I wonder if it depends on the age you become a mum to some extent... I didn't have DC until my early 40s by which time I had been successful in my career, had a year out travelling, spent some time retraining for a different career, practically paid off the mortgage... so I felt very comfortable with a complete change in lifestyle.

Lilacanemone · 31/12/2023 18:59

Yes, but we could do with the extra money of my part time job.

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Kwasi · 31/12/2023 19:00

I started working part time at Easter when DS was in reception. I definitely loved being at home before he started school but I also love having a job again. The only problem is the school holidays. They get 13 weeks off a year, plus PD days. I tried a holiday club for a few weeks last summer but DS absolutely hated it. No idea what I am going to do next summer.

Waitingfortulips · 31/12/2023 19:01

Oh, no. Not at all.

I enjoy my career, I enjoy the money. My kids are amazing and show no sign of suffering from nursery or after school clubs.

I work 80% in a mostly flexible way.

Wooloohooloo · 31/12/2023 19:02

No definitely not, it would be bad for my mental health, just like full time working from home would be.

Lilacanemone · 31/12/2023 19:03

SausageCasseroles · 31/12/2023 18:05

Gosh absolutely.

If people won the lottery would they really carry on working!? I absolutely wouldn't if we didn't have too. I'd easily find projects to do!

I agree. There is enough work needed on the house and garden to keep me going full time for quite some time, not to mention the luxury of hobbies during school hours if I got the chance.

CanImakethisbetter · 31/12/2023 19:05

Nope. My kids are older. One adult one young teen.

The kids dad had a mental breakdown, he wouldn’t seek help and became dangerous which was quite a shock after 15 years of marriage and no sign of that coming. My job made the split, moving and helping the kids a lot easier.

my career has really grown in the last few years and I can comfortably support dd at uni and ds. We have a good life.

The ability to be able to find myself was always important to me. I have witness too many messy divorces where the women really struggle afterwards. I enjoy my career. And it’s given me and the kids so many great opportunities.

Wouldn’t change it for the world.

Comedycook · 31/12/2023 19:05

Putting kids aside for a moment...I'm genuinely amazed so many people enjoy working. I've always hated every minute of having a job.

Growlybear83 · 31/12/2023 19:05

Nothing would have made me consider going back to work while there was any way of managing without my salary. I stayed home until my daughter started junior school and then went back part time; I was fortunate to be able to work term time only, largely based from home, but with regular evening meetings, when my husband was able to look after her. It was a real struggle financially until I started working again and we went without a lot of things for several years, such as holidays, new cars, eating out, new clothes etc, but we both agreed that it was worth it for me to be at home with our daughter.

Parker231 · 31/12/2023 19:06

Lilacanemone · 31/12/2023 19:03

I agree. There is enough work needed on the house and garden to keep me going full time for quite some time, not to mention the luxury of hobbies during school hours if I got the chance.

Show quote history

and if your DH decides he would like to be the SAHP are you ready to go back to work?

mrsm43s · 31/12/2023 19:06

I did a mixture of 2 extended back to back maternity leaves (so essentially SAHM for 2.25 years, part-time and full time working.

In terms of ease, I found being a SAHM by far the easiest and least mentally demanding of all. I found juggling work demands, family demands, childcare issues, quality time with the children and DH infinitely harder.

However, I would never, ever want to be financially reliant on someone else. I value having built a career, working my way up the ranks and having a good professional reputation and signficant earning potential in my own right. I also value having a fully topped up private pension which will allow me to support myself independently in retirement.

I would never choose to be a SAHM. In all honesty 3 days a week up to school age, and then 4 days a week (with Weds off) up till junior age and then back to full time is probably the preferred option for me, assuming that earnings are enough to make significant financial contribution to the family and career is in a position that you can still climb the ladder with those hours (which sadly isn't possible in all fields).

CanImakethisbetter · 31/12/2023 19:06

If I won the lottery I would do some sort of work. A small business of my own.

I wouldn’t not work. I would rather pay someone to do the housework, clothes washing and so on

Catsandcuddles · 31/12/2023 19:07

No definitely not . I went part time 3 days a week when we had our son, as soon as he was in school I went back to full time. I loved the time I had off with him, but now he's in school I'm happy to be working full time .

I enjoy my job , have recently had a promotion and really looking forward to getting career back on track . It does help that I work for a company who are very flexible with good holidays, I have a healthy work life balance . Staying at home would never be an option for me, I'd be truly bored being at home everyday

Kwasi · 31/12/2023 19:08

Comedycook · 31/12/2023 19:05

Putting kids aside for a moment...I'm genuinely amazed so many people enjoy working. I've always hated every minute of having a job.

😂😂😂

I have mostly hated working. I only enjoy it now because I hate my house more. Anything to get out.

spriots · 31/12/2023 19:08

Comedycook · 31/12/2023 19:05

Putting kids aside for a moment...I'm genuinely amazed so many people enjoy working. I've always hated every minute of having a job.

That's a real shame - have you tried a few different types of job?

I am kinda the opposite - I don't really have any hobbies, I never really have had, I find my career really enjoyable and fulfilling and it takes the place of hobbies I think. I actually have already - 25 years ahead of retirement - put some thought into how I can position myself to make sure that I could continue with some freelance type work in retirement

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/12/2023 19:10

Comedycook · 31/12/2023 19:05

Putting kids aside for a moment...I'm genuinely amazed so many people enjoy working. I've always hated every minute of having a job.

I do think it's an easier choice to make to become a SAHP if you dislike your job anyway.

I get so much out of my career and I couldn't imagine giving it up, especially considering how hard I've worked to get to the level I'm at.

SnapdragonToadflax · 31/12/2023 19:11

Hell no. I like working and earning my own money (so I can spend it on whatever I want and know I have independence) and I'm not very domesticated so I think me doing the vast majority of the house stuff would be a disaster.

I work four days a week, child went to nursery and loved it from 11 months till school, and it's worked well for us as a family. Plus I got a bit mental about housework on maternity leave, and had absolutely no desire to spend all my time with a pre-schooler because they are fucking hard work. I needed the 'break' of work to be a good mother the rest of the time.

SnapdragonToadflax · 31/12/2023 19:13

Comedycook · 31/12/2023 19:05

Putting kids aside for a moment...I'm genuinely amazed so many people enjoy working. I've always hated every minute of having a job.

What sort of area do you work in?

Even if I won the lottery I think I would still do some kind of work in my area - very much part time, choose my projects carefully etc, but I do really enjoy it most of the time.

Lilacanemone · 31/12/2023 19:14

Parker231 · 31/12/2023 19:06

and if your DH decides he would like to be the SAHP are you ready to go back to work?

Show quote history

I am already working part time, so it’s not an issue. One of us has to be part time, as the other off-work time is as a carer.

Hubblebubble · 31/12/2023 19:14

No, I have a flexible remote job which fits into school hours though. I also enjoy it.

Lilacanemone · 31/12/2023 19:15

Lilacanemone · 31/12/2023 19:14

I am already working part time, so it’s not an issue. One of us has to be part time, as the other off-work time is as a carer.

Edited
Show quote history

@Parker231 We were talking about the scenario of having won the lottery, so no one would have to work…

Taytocrisps · 31/12/2023 19:15

I'd have loved to be a SAHM when DD was small. I worked part time. But when Ex left me out of the blue, I was very glad I had kept my job and paid into my pension for all of those years. I'm back full time now and I was able to keep my house.

SlidingInto2024 · 31/12/2023 19:16

I was a SAHM for about 5 years and although it had benefits at home, I resented the lack of adult company that didn't revolve around children. I am very lucky that I managed to secure a job I absolutely love, it pays decently and I work term time only.

EDITED for typo!

JCWiatt · 31/12/2023 19:17

Had a good career and assumed I'd always want to work, but became a SAHM to three DC and haven't looked back. I regularly volunteer now which has given a new focus, but also made me realise I don't have an urge for a 9-5 job again. I love being in control of my time and not reporting to anyone. Always have house projects on the go, so never bored. Love my own company. I go to every harvest festival, concert and last minute performance, which my DC really appreciate. Love being home with them after school where we bake, craft and swim together etc. No worries about holidays and illness. Have my own finances and I'm planning some online courses to consider a new flexible career path, but overall feel very content. My brain is not deprived, despite popular opinion!