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Original poster

Working mums - would you rather be a SAHM?

298 replies

Feelingcrappy2 · 31/12/2023 17:33

Just out of curiosity. I have 2 little ones, very undecided whether or not to go back. Feel lucky that I have the option to stay home but not sure if I want another year of being in this flat!

OP posts:
JulieLew · 31/12/2023 19:18

No, I would never consider not working for any reason. My brain would rot!

Justfinking · 31/12/2023 19:18

SAHM with child in nursery part-time 😄

JanewaysBun · 31/12/2023 19:19

Im a SAHM through circumstance. I am defo less stressed due to time pressure but ime the best combo was working 2 days per week. And ill definitely try to go back to that pattern in the future. Depends how much your partner helps imo

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Families
Strictlymad · 31/12/2023 19:20

I would love to be a full time sahm, but I’m in an odd position, I work park time from home (can do it whenever just done by end of week- approx 16 hours) but with no childcare (longggggg story) so I am a sahm and a working mum at the same time lol! In some ways it’s the best of both but in others I’d love to go out to work and have work time and mum time separately, rather than this huge jumble of doing it all at the same time and all badly it feels like!

MsMarple · 31/12/2023 19:21

I stayed at home until the youngest was in KS2. We are lucky to live in an area with great parks and their loads of cheap church-hall type toddler groups so there was always something to do every day. Kids in secondary school now and I work full time again - although I love my job, I loved the time at home with them more and wouldn’t change anything in hindsight. I also miss being able to stay on top of housework and everything. It’s all gone to rack and ruin now!
Ideally, at this stage, 3 days a week would be absolutely perfect for me. When they were tiny SAHM was best for all of us.

DGPP · 31/12/2023 19:22

No way, I’m proud of my career. My kids are thriving and we’re very close. And the money I earn gives them a good life (especially now they’re older)

Passingthethyme · 31/12/2023 19:23

Comedycook · 31/12/2023 19:05

Putting kids aside for a moment...I'm genuinely amazed so many people enjoy working. I've always hated every minute of having a job.

I used to think even if I won the lottery I would still work (never hated my job though, at times I really enjoyed it). This was until I took a year off to travel and had spare time before and after ... loved it. I think some people wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they didn't work, I could find plenty to do. I wouldn't choose to be a SAHP though, that's the hardest job in the world, I did it for 2 years and it almost broke me, and I had an easy baby. If you enjoy it OP I would do it though, you'll never get that time back and working is overrated! (Unless you need the money of course).

PinotViogner · 31/12/2023 19:28

Definitely differentiating from over 90% of posts here but I'd have never wanted to work. I probably wouldn't have had children if I hadn't had the option to stay home with them and raise them myself. I studied hard and left education with two degrees so there were always options for me should I have changed my mind but looking back I feel so lucky that I had the option to never work.

Like a pp said though there's so many different things to consider that are unique to your own situation so it's best to consider what would work for you personally.

tokesqueen · 31/12/2023 19:29

I didn't have to go back to work at all but I did. At four and five months each time pt. The nursery fees equalled what I earned for over two years but twenty years on I don't have a single regret.
It maintained my skills, my sanity and the power balance in our marriage, and my pension looks great.
Think long term.

TrudyProud · 31/12/2023 19:37

Me and my husband were discussing this earlier. We agreed that even if we won the lottery we'd still send our kids to nursery.

I'd happily be a lady who lunches but SAHM .... not for me.

TrashedSofa · 31/12/2023 19:44

No, part time has always felt like the best of both worlds.

Parker231 · 31/12/2023 20:03

TrashedSofa · 31/12/2023 19:44

No, part time has always felt like the best of both worlds.

Does your DH also have the luxury of working part time?

FluffyDiplodocus · 31/12/2023 20:08

If we could have afforded it, I definitely would have done. However with hindsight I don’t think it would have been a good thing for me, I think work helped me keep some perspective and not lose myself entirely in the mummy stuff!

Newhere5 · 31/12/2023 20:11

I WFH which works for me perfect. Expecting second child now, and planning to take couple years of as will have 2 under 2 so work on top of it feels bit much ( no local family to help)

GameofCrohns · 31/12/2023 20:16

I had 3 under 3 so I kept working for my own sanity. SAHM definitely not for me, we could have afforded it but it wasn’t something I ever considered. 6 years on with 40% higher pay than I had back when my first was born and able to work 80% I’m so happy with the route I took.

ReadyForPumpkins · 31/12/2023 20:18

I enjoy my own money more than my job. It’s not actually the job that I love. If I have a trust fund, my own investments that generates a good income, and not depend on my husband, I would consider not work. I will not be a SAHM, but some other PP said, a lady who lunch.

Room2move · 31/12/2023 20:23

I was temporarily a SAHM in between house moves (completely different areas and new job). I couldn't do it full time!

DobbyRuth · 31/12/2023 20:26

No

Socksforxmas · 31/12/2023 20:28

Never in a million years would I want to go back to work. I tried for a bit mostly out of the societal pressure that anyone choosing not to work is lazy but I just hated it. Lasted about 2 months before quitting and haven't looked back yet. I love having the time to maintain my home, play with my children, make them good quality meals, attend groups/classes with them as well as swimming, park days etc Not to mention all the time I have for my own hobbies and interests and spending time with me family and friends (confused as to why so many on this thread seem to think all sahms are deprived of adult contact)

Saying this however, I don't remotely take for granted how privileged I am to have a DH who makes more than enough for us to live comfortably on doing a job he adores.

Parker231 · 31/12/2023 20:34

Socksforxmas · 31/12/2023 20:28

Never in a million years would I want to go back to work. I tried for a bit mostly out of the societal pressure that anyone choosing not to work is lazy but I just hated it. Lasted about 2 months before quitting and haven't looked back yet. I love having the time to maintain my home, play with my children, make them good quality meals, attend groups/classes with them as well as swimming, park days etc Not to mention all the time I have for my own hobbies and interests and spending time with me family and friends (confused as to why so many on this thread seem to think all sahms are deprived of adult contact)

Saying this however, I don't remotely take for granted how privileged I am to have a DH who makes more than enough for us to live comfortably on doing a job he adores.

And if your DH decides he would like some time at home with your DC’s with time for his hobbies, are you ready to return to work?

Justfinking · 31/12/2023 20:38

Parker231 · 31/12/2023 20:34

And if your DH decides he would like some time at home with your DC’s with time for his hobbies, are you ready to return to work?

Show quote history

Tbf, you'll find most DH would be thrilled for their partner to be a SAHM, kids are well taken care of and domestic duties are done. My DH was happy for me to be a SAHM before we even had kids if oy meant he didn't have to do any chores. Equally, I'd love the same and for him to be a SAHD except that he'd do a crap job! Being the partner of a SAHP is a really good deal.

LeonieSN93 · 31/12/2023 20:40

@Parker231 can I ask why you keep responding to every single sahm on this thread who has expressed joy with their choice by asking them all these 'what if' questions? It's a bit weird

Socksforxmas · 31/12/2023 20:48

Prior to having children I worked full time teaching French and Spanish which I could easily get back into. Although if possible starting my own home baked goods business would be appealing if I could make it happen. But I'd say it's highly unlikely that DH is planning on leaving the career he's built up any time soon. I've never known anyone to take such pride in their job like him so we complete each other's goals and wishes pretty well ☺️ @Parker231

Combusting · 31/12/2023 20:49

NO.
NO.
repeat a million times.

PickledMuffin · 31/12/2023 20:55

I work full time with 2 DC, it's hard but I work for a very flexible place and they let me pretty much start when I want and finish when I want as long as I do my
hours. It's a WFH desk based job, but it
wouldn't have been this way if it wasn't for how things had to change due to the pandemic. if it was how it was before, when i had to be in the office then I would definitely have changed to part time. I wouldn't want to be a SAHM, as I need to have a sense of self so to speak and my own income.