Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Working mums - would you rather be a SAHM?

298 replies

Feelingcrappy2 · 31/12/2023 17:33

Just out of curiosity. I have 2 little ones, very undecided whether or not to go back. Feel lucky that I have the option to stay home but not sure if I want another year of being in this flat!

OP posts:
Nonamesleft1 · 31/12/2023 18:33

No.

to start dc1 was high needs and nursery kept her entertained. I worked shifts so she had a full time place, but only usually went 3.5- 4 days a week. Dh and I shared sick days, drop offs, and pick ups.

Mainly i am now approaching an age where dh and I are thinking about retirement. I cannot imagine either working till state pension age, or surviving on limited benefits, or on dh’s wage/pension alone.

where we are now in our 50’s is a gradual wind down until 60/65. We want to travel, and do stuff while we are still young and fit. Having two pensions means we will be able to afford to do that while the dc are at uni- one is studying abroad and we hope to visit at least once, if not twice a year.

sahm is all great in the short term. but when you get to 55 and have no income or way of supporting yourself into old age, it doesn’t look so good. Gone are the days of final salary pensions and dependent allowances

oldcrinkle · 31/12/2023 18:33

No I wouldn't want to be SAHM but would like to afford to be part time doing something less stressful than my current job.

Saschka · 31/12/2023 18:34

Nope, but I’d have taken two years off if I’d had the choice. Maybe 18 months. Definitely would have liked more than a year, anyway.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Devilsmommy · 31/12/2023 18:35

TeenLifeMum · 31/12/2023 18:02

God no! I felt I lost myself when I was a sahm (3dc under 4 and couldn’t afford to work until they got 15 hours of childcare covered). I’m much happier with a career and knowing I stay with dh because I love him rather than being financially forced to stay.

Major respect to you, I've only got 1, 15 months old and it's killing me 😆 how you did 3 under 4 I don't know, I'd have gone insane🤣

Lizzieregina · 31/12/2023 18:35

I was a SAHM and loved being with my kids, but I’m not in the UK and paid maternity leave was non existent and part time jobs were also non existent unless you did minimum wage, which then wasn’t financially worth it.

If I had a do over, had good maternity leave like you get in the UK, a good nursery system (also not the case here) and could do my actual job part time and be paid accordingly, that would be my choice, part time, about 20 hours.

I would hate to work full time while my kids were young. I have provided the care for working parents for years and do my best to make their lives as easy as possible, but it’s still hard for them.

Orarewedancer · 31/12/2023 18:36

Yes I would love to be a SAHM. Would be great to never have to worry about school holidays, strike days, illnesses etc

I would say though that I wouldn't do it if it meant scraping by each month. But if I could have the same (still modest!) lifestyle as I have now, but without work, I'd be elated.

PPTorPDF · 31/12/2023 18:36

No. I have a professional career that I've worked really hard for so wouldn't give that up for anything.

Minniem2020 · 31/12/2023 18:38

Absolutely. I'd love for youngest ds to be at home with me rather than at nursery and to be able to pick older Ds up from school every day.
Failing that if I could only work 3 days a week from 9-3 then that would be great-im not wanting much am I 😂

Emmacb82 · 31/12/2023 18:40

I work part time and although sometimes I wish I didn’t have to go at all, it’s definitely much better for me mentally to leave the house and do something for myself. I have the best of both worlds, I work mainly nights or weekends so I’m around for every school run, school event etc but I also have a bit of independence from children and money etc

itsmyp4rty · 31/12/2023 18:40

Being a SAHM was the best thing I've ever done. I've never had a job that came anywhere close. I work part time now mine is almost an adult but I intend to drop that and go travelling for a year in the not too distant future. To me full time work just sucks the joy out of life, raising a child full time is far more enjoyable if you can afford it IMO.

Fortunately my OH was work obsessed and paid fairly well for a long time so we were both very happy with our roles.

mycatcontrolsmylife · 31/12/2023 18:40

Tbh the question of "would you be a sahm or not?" really depends on so many variables that it's kind of difficult to answer...

I know lots of sahms and some of them I'm admittedly very envious of and would love to have their lifestyle. And then there are some that I just think have pretty boring day to day lives. So it really depends on a whole bunch of things.

Rockrobon · 31/12/2023 18:40

I work part time. 2.5 days. Wouldn’t want to be a sahp or work full time right now, so feel lucky! (Youngest only 1 so may have to increase hours when she starts school!)

Echobelly · 31/12/2023 18:40

No one else can answer if for you - I preferred working TBH, I personally needed a time to be someone other than 'mum' and also we needed the income and I would feel really uncomfortable without my own money (nothing to do with DH, I just hate the thought in abstract not having some that is totally my own). DH suggested that I could stay at home once his freelancing started picking up and he was bringing in quite a lot, but the kids were at school by then and so it didn't feel that there was much point to it and I'm not the sort of person who is good at filling my time productively.

Beseen22 · 31/12/2023 18:42

Nope not for me. I have been unemployed for 6 months as a parent and I felt quite unmotivated. We had a nice time and it was always going to be temporary but I didn't like not having the opportunity to head out and use my skills and knowledge that I trained so hard for. I felt like even though I had friends and we did a lot of acitivies I was waiting for my DH to get home from about 2pm. We had a fairly generous income at the time and I had 100 percent access to all funds and my DH encouraged me to buy whatever but I lived like a pauper, because subconsciously I felt like I wasn't contributing which I know is stupid.

The major benefit is the lack of struggling with logistics. I was always there for the kids. I found the perfect split for me was very part time and working nights so I was always about for every school event and drop off and pick up and any sick days/summer holidays.

AlwaysColdHands · 31/12/2023 18:42

No. I find staying at home ALL the time with DC very difficult and intellectually frustrating.
A career gives me identity, adult conversation and stimulation, independence and financial security now and in the future. I am a much better parent with the contrast of both.
It also means I’m never 100 reliant on anyone else which is very important to me.

DanceMumTaxi · 31/12/2023 18:43

No way, I’d have gone out of my mind being at home all day.

HippeePrincess · 31/12/2023 18:46

No but I’d like to be able to go part time!

Strawberryjams · 31/12/2023 18:49

No, work gives me a bit of my own life. Something I’m good at besides being a mum. I’m not very social but gets me out speaking to other adults. Ideally going part time would be great. This year I dropped a day but would be lovely to be able to afford to drop another and have the best of both worlds.

fyn · 31/12/2023 18:49

No, I tried it and wasn’t for me. I haven’t gone back to my previous career though. I work 0.5 FTE in flexible, community focused job so I can be around for my children but also have something for myself.

spriots · 31/12/2023 18:50

I always find these threads an interesting reflection on how different people are. I honestly don't find being a working parent stressful - of course there is admin like organising childcare and who is picking up who etc but overall I am much more stressed when I spend long stretches in sole charge of the children.

I have learned through trial and error that I really don't enjoy more than two weeks straight with them. I'm sure some of the perfect mothers on here will be along to judge me for it but there we are. I really enjoy the time I get with my children - the weekends and two days a week (in holidays, pick ups in term) - but more than that and I wouldn't.

If I won the lottery I would probably give up my current work but seek out ways to do what I do freelance/consultancy, but I would also get a nanny so that I had childcare still but more flexible childcare than I currently have

UsingChangeofName · 31/12/2023 18:51

No, never, but after dc2 I was lucky enough to go PT and cut hours to about 33 - 36 a week.
I think that balance was great for me.

theprincessthepea · 31/12/2023 18:54

I think about it. However with my personality I know I would always find something to do. Whenever I’ve been out of work - I tend to get involved in volunteering. If I was a SAHM I would probably end up starting a business or something.

Funnily enough I’m more keen to spend more time at home with my DD being a tween as I feel that they need you more in a different way.

I love being a mum but I also enjoy work. I’ve also loved watching my DD understand what I do and it finally making sense to her as she’s grown up.

Christy135 · 31/12/2023 18:55

I was a SAHM for the first 3 years and loved it. Happy to be working full time now that she’s at school.

ThePoetsWife · 31/12/2023 18:57

No regrets - I did cut my hours for during the primary school years though.

Think of the pension and long term career prospects. Both are much harder to rebuild if you leave the workforce.

toodledo · 31/12/2023 18:58

Absolutely not. Maternity leave was sooooo hard. Going back to work was the easier option... and I didn't even like my job. SAHM is the hardest job in the world, for that period I personally really lost my identity, felt quite worthless and no income didn't help either.