Has anyone on here ever hurt your feelings?

[NewYearNewMeBullshit]

I've had loads of support and advice on here over the years, some really nice people.

But there have been a couple of rubbish ones too!

Has anyone ever been bruised on here? I had one comment I've never quite forgotten. Shouldn't take it personally I guess!

During the first lockdown I asked if people knew when CEV children would be vaccinated. I got a response that was along the lines of children like mine would have died anyway in years gone by so why should others be forced to lockdown to protect people like them.

Several months later I got an IRL similar response from a mother at year 7 parents induction when one of the other mother's asked a generic question about if anyone was worried about kids going back to school and i said i was a little anxious about it.

I think the whole covid experience taught me that alot of people are civil and empathetic only as a veneer that is easily lifted.

Holy fuck. This thread. I honestly have at times thought I was somehow incompetent at writing a short post due to some of the responses either twisting bits of the post or pretending they couldn’t understand really basic points. Being accused of being a sock puppet was another memorable occasion. Genuinely so happy it’s not just me!

My worst experience on here was when I was pregnant in 2015, I had lurked for ages but posted in AIBU (what an idiot!) naively asking for advice on c-section v vaginal delivery - I’d had a horrendous first birth. I can’t tell you how bad it was. I was beside myself - it was awful. MN pulled it but I had to persuade them. I left the site.

I joined again couple years ago but I’m much wiser now and don’t post as much about personal stuff, NC often. I like robust debate and like how people don’t mince words but there is a small contingent who are downright nasty.

Not hurt. Frustrated and upset at being misunderstood, criticised and ripped apart re my parenting, when many years ago I started a thread. I very quickly learnt that lesson!

I'm Irish and do see that the expression's offensive, but absolutely understand that the majority of people (including many Irish) have no idea of its origins and don't intend offense atall.

@Alittlebitwary I'm very sorry you got such a hard time when you were vulnerable and looking for support. It wasn't fair.

Yes! When the news about the Queen being very poorly was on the news, I had a friend (who worked in connection to the royal family) tell me she had already passed and the news would be announced imminently. I posted this on the thread and people were RAGING about it, they totally ripped into me. Called me every single name under the sun. It was really really bizarre considering the whole thread was literally talking about whether she’s already passed/how poorly she was etc

I really don't want to give @Alittlebitwary flashbacks but the expression 'throwing a paddy' carries with it an implicit understanding that Irish people (Paddies) are incapable of behaving themselves as they should, and are prone to disorderly, violent outbursts and tantrums. Fits quite well with the drunken stereotype really.

Most people using the term have no idea this is what's at the root of it and that needs to be understood too though.

I would have if I was a less thick skinned type.

Im- gay, disabled (wheelchair user), have a chronic illness and have an autistic & adhd child who also has a physical disability.

I shouldn’t have got married (either because it’s a sin or because I’m apeing hetro couples),

I am ‘entitled’ for expecting to use the accessible toilets (my child and I should stay at home if the toilet options aren’t perfect)

I shouldn’t send my son to school because he will be a distraction to other kids if he stims, but I also shouldn’t home educate him because he will be weird.

I could go on all day. Mumsnet World is a lot less tolerant,less pleasant and less intelligent than the real world!

Oh yes, I’ve feministed wrong several times! The total lack of intersectionality in the thinking of most mumsnet feminists is staggering.

I can’t have my feelings hurt by complete strangers on the internet.
I do sometimes think that there are some really vindictive, nasty people around but l pity them

Not hurt but angry, definately. I posted a contra opinion to the usual man hate pile-on and was accused of being the OW for it, "tell me you're the other woman without actually telling me, Where's you moral compass, don't be that person, how disgusting are you". All of which was complete and utter bollocks because I have been happily married for 20 years and have never had an affair or even l;ooked at another man or woman.

So yes, desidedly " pissed off ".

Not me personally but so many threads I read where other posters tear into the OP it's awful and I really feel for the poor person posting. One i read recently left a real bad taste in the mouth and I didn't think I'd come back on here. The OP was at the end of her tether in a very difficult situation and reaching out for help. Some posters were utterly vicious and said things they would never say to a person in real life but it's easy to be Billy big bollocks behind a screen. If someone is not feeling mentally strong horrible comments can be extremely damaging

Even when the OP posts an update it's like they choose to ignore it and carry on their attack. Dunno if it's cos its the Xmas holidays and people have more drink in them/kids driving them nuts but it feels like MN has been particularly nasty lately.

@Celeriacisquitenice if I remember correctly (learnt many years ago on MN), ‘beyond the pale’ has similar connotations.

Yes it does @TattiePants .
The Pale was an area of British control in the East of Ireland, centuries ago now. Centered around Dublin, with parts of Meath, Kildare and Louth too. There were stakes and barricades put up around it, parts of it anyway.
Beyond the pale referred to how uncouth/savage/uncivilised/choose your slur really the rest of Ireland was.

Mumsnet World is a lot less tolerant,less pleasant and less intelligent than the real world! (from @Igotagoodcard's post) - but you know often I think the opposite is true. I wonder if a lot of the nastiness on MN actually really reflects what people really think, how they really are, that its not a "front" just because they are on a keyboard. I am a person who constantly feels at odds with the world with my opinions and a lot of the time on here it seems to simply confirm my suspicions that I am just every kinda wrong.

Still not pregnant but accepted it now. Yeah, I know. I was being over sensitive

I've had racial abuse on here that was incredibly vicious and vindictive. I once shared a very heartfelt post about my personal experiences of being a biracial woman working for a particular company and struggling to succeed in that specific industry (the thread was in relation to that industry/that company and the thread was about racism), and the very next post was someone saying something like "If you're such a race expert explain why black people are allowed to say N***R and I'm not."

Except she did not use asterixis. And the N word hadn't even been mentioned in that thread at all, so there was no context for it. The poster saw a biracial woman who was a very successful career women and their first impulse was just to scream the N word.

The worst part is that I didn't return to the thread until the next day as I was busy, and by then three full pages had filled up, and not one single poster had reported someone for screaming the N word at me. MN deleted the post the second I reported it and sent me an email to apologise so it very obviously had not been reported. So there's at least 20 or so Mumsnetters who see a poster screaming the N word at a biracial woman and think that's perfectly fine.

That's true.
What do you do when you are anonymous and free from actual consequences?

I'd say Mumsnet is more 'real' than real life.

Good and bad.

My very first post was on AIBU and I genuinely was distressed and thankfully MN was kind and helpful, looking back I was foolish as its so often a vicious board, so I'm grateful for that. Its made me realise how vulnerable OPs often are so I'm conscious of that.

One that really annoyed me was a person looking to relocate to where I live (not in UK), literally to a town down the road here that I know well, and was worried about possible racial tensions because of her background, which is different from my background I should add. I won't get into specifics here. After saying how in my experience I found the people to be lovely, very open minded, multi cultural and I know many people from her culture living here peacefully etc etc someone tells me that it was the most over generalised ignorant thing they ever read on MN and provides a link to some racial tensions from a period of civil unrest 100 years earlier.

I also got ripped apart for using the 'g' word, see current thread in chat with the language police telling us we cannot use this word. It was a turn of phrase in a reply and I didn't even notice it at the time. I'm not going to bother using it again because i genuinely believe there are people who google this word so they can go into chat rooms and berate people.

I feel very ignorant @Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong, but also too bewildered not to ask...what is the g word please? Or a hint if you don't want to type it again. Totally clueless here, I'm sorry.

Gender!!!

Oh, okay, thank you!!

Ironically there are at least two posters on this thread that frequently pull up other posters and seem to relish pulling them over the coals…I know because the “moron” comment I made earlier actually came from one of them.

Even when the OP posts an update it's like they choose to ignore it and carry on their attack. Dunno if it's cos its the Xmas holidays and people have more drink in them/kids driving them nuts but it feels like MN has been particularly nasty lately.

Not excusing them in the slightest, but this is one reason why I find it so infuriating when people don't bother to RTFT and just wade in based on what they've guessed the situation might be following only reading the OP's very first post, or even just glancing at the title and nothing more.

It doesn't make you clever or superior to pick up on something that 100 PPs already did and repeat a bashing yet again.

On some threads, it really does turn into giving the OP a constant kicking, even when they have clarified an error, acknowledged that they had been unreasonable or it's one of those threads where a relatively mundane title has been used by a struggling OP as an 'in' to opening up about very serious issues; or where the developments have dramatically moved on. The 'give me recommendations about what's fun to do in Anglesey' thread is a particularly stark example of this. Even when MN have to step in and comment - clearly labelled at the beginning - this gets ignored too.

As a general rule, my response is always that, if you don't have time to engage properly in a discussion, why ever would you think that everybody else has all the time in the world to read your irrelevant and often inappropriate 'nugget' that you've just plopped and run? Do you really want to make people view you like Billy Bleach from The Fast Show (the oaf in the pub dispensing his random unsolicited 'wisdom' to everybody)?