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Original poster

What age to try a sip of wine?

159 replies

DidIMakeaMistake · 26/12/2023 12:30

I need to add my father was an alcoholic and died in his 40s as a result of his heavy drinking.

I was a binge drinker and probably tried alcohol around age 14. I don’t drink alcohol anymore. Members of my family are also alcoholic.

DH family are your middle class functioning wine drinkers, I think drink in excess and I’d say FIL is a functioning alcoholic. I’ve seen him drink in secret at family events (eg hiding a bottle of wine and going to the utility to drink it). I obviously grew up seeing these behaviours with my dad.

Yesterday Xmas day my 12 year old niece asked for a sip of wine. Just a try of her mum’s wine. They allowed it, my eldest is a similar age. My eldest didn’t ask.

It got me thinking as to what age to normalise drinking? Or if at all? My DH drinks.

I know there are zero health benefits to this sort of drinking but I don’t want my kids to grow up with drinking issues and seeing their cousins of a similar age drinking and they’re not.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 26/12/2023 12:31

I think 12 is a bit young, I’d like to wait until at least 16.

Original poster
DidIMakeaMistake · 26/12/2023 12:33

I should say DH other niece is drinking the odd Prosecco/cocktail and is 14. To me it’s too young. But as I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol I am struggling with this going on around me and how to navigate it for my kids.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 26/12/2023 12:34

A sip of wine at 12 is fine
I don’t think that’s a slippery slope to anything

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Seeline · 26/12/2023 12:35

We started offering sips of wine, beer, cider at around that age. We rarely drink ourselves, so it wasn't frequent. I think that not forbidding alcohol at that age means that kids are less likely to go mad when they have access to it at teen parties etc.
My DCs are now late teens/early 20s and whilst they enjoy a night out at uni/with friends they don't seem fixated on alcohol like some of their friends. Asked what they wanted me to get in for Christmas and neither of them were that bothered.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 26/12/2023 12:36

My under 18's would never dream of asking.

Seeline · 26/12/2023 12:37

DidIMakeaMistake · 26/12/2023 12:33

I should say DH other niece is drinking the odd Prosecco/cocktail and is 14. To me it’s too young. But as I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol I am struggling with this going on around me and how to navigate it for my kids.

Most will be drinking alcohol at teen parties at 14/15 - probably smuggled in, but still.
I would rather that they had some experience with alcohol before then, rather than necking neat vodka in someone's back garden.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 26/12/2023 12:38

My parents took the continental view and I was allowed sips of watered down wine quite young. I was a binge drinker from 15-25, so the supposed protective factor of trying it in a civilised family situation did not work for me or my siblings.

I've read that alcohol damages immature brains, even in quite small quantities, so I am personally taking the view that 18 is when my kids will be allowed a drink, and I've told them why.

I don't judge any one else who takes a different approach but that is my view on it.

BloodyAdultDC · 26/12/2023 12:38

I'm only an occasional drinker op, and have modeled a glass of wine with a roast dinner since my dc were small. I think they were maybe 7 when I first asked them if they fancied a sip of wine instead of the juice in their own wine glasses at lunch. They mostly declined but have tried most types of wine, only a sip at a time though, and hastily swilled with juice.

Anecdotally, when they were 10 and 7ish a friend came for lunch and was utterly mortified that I was offering them 'booze'. She herself was a barely-functioning alcoholic whose son had frequently seen her in all sorts of states.

I think it's entirely dependent on the environment around them, and the circumstances op. Some kids might be introduced early and learn a responsible attitude to alcohol, some might have zero at home then go nuts as an adult.

My 2 are now 18 and 21 and (so far) still barely drink - their social lives involve similarly-minded kids and they'd rather go for a night out that doesn't revolve around getting wasted.

etmoiandme · 26/12/2023 12:39

We were allowed watered down wine at special meals from about 12, but my mum's from the continent.

blackpanth · 26/12/2023 12:41

12 is fine. I was allowed at that age to have more than a sip. Was allowed a glass at special occasions

Original poster
DidIMakeaMistake · 26/12/2023 12:42

Thank you. Mixed messages. Grateful for you all sharing your experiences.

I think my kids might already not be overly keen on drinking as sadly they see me get cross with my husband if he drinks too much (as it’s triggering for me). Eg if my husband might leave an empty beer can by the sofa it’s super super triggering for me as I hated finding half drunk cans from my dad, or a whiskey bottle hidden somewhere.

Really struggling with navigating this as my family are big big drinkers.

OP posts:
TwinklingLightsEverywhere · 26/12/2023 12:43

I wouldn't mind my dc testing the flavour of any alcohol from a fairly young age, it doesn't taste nice anyway and I hate alcohol being some forbidden thing that only grown ups are allowed - makes it more attractive.

What I do dislike is adults offering kids a sip of alcohol because it's funny.

I think ideally none of us would drink in front of the dc, and certainly not regale the family with stories of the last time they were shit faced (which is what dsis and bil and their 19yo do!).

blackpanth · 26/12/2023 12:43

BloodyAdultDC · 26/12/2023 12:38

I'm only an occasional drinker op, and have modeled a glass of wine with a roast dinner since my dc were small. I think they were maybe 7 when I first asked them if they fancied a sip of wine instead of the juice in their own wine glasses at lunch. They mostly declined but have tried most types of wine, only a sip at a time though, and hastily swilled with juice.

Anecdotally, when they were 10 and 7ish a friend came for lunch and was utterly mortified that I was offering them 'booze'. She herself was a barely-functioning alcoholic whose son had frequently seen her in all sorts of states.

I think it's entirely dependent on the environment around them, and the circumstances op. Some kids might be introduced early and learn a responsible attitude to alcohol, some might have zero at home then go nuts as an adult.

My 2 are now 18 and 21 and (so far) still barely drink - their social lives involve similarly-minded kids and they'd rather go for a night out that doesn't revolve around getting wasted.

Yep I knew someone who wasn't allowed it till he was 18. Once 18 went to a party went mad fell over cracked his head open ended up in hospital. Best to start young

Nicesalad · 26/12/2023 12:45

I think that not forbidding alcohol at that age means that kids are less likely to go mad when they have access to it at teen parties etc

I don't think that's true for most teenagers. There are plenty of other things we don't let children do because it's not appropriate for their age and we don't think that by restricting it ( sex, driving, 18 horror films).they will "go mad" later .

Nitgel · 26/12/2023 12:46

why normalise drinking at all? so many young people just don't touch it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/12/2023 12:47

About 6-8.

That way, they decide it's rank and have no interest in trying again at 11.

Original poster
DidIMakeaMistake · 26/12/2023 12:48

Thanks @Nitgel I have seen that with my cousins in their 20s. They are focussed on gym, yoga, travel, time with friends, hiking. Not really drinking. I’m in my 40s so my uni time was shots, vodka redbull, snakebite, big drinking club nights, time at the SU drinking and smoking!

OP posts:
BooksAndHooks · 26/12/2023 12:49

Trying a sip from glass has never been an issue they never liked it anyway.

Certainly I would not have an issue at 12.

WhatDogDidNext · 26/12/2023 12:51

My son tried a sip of things like wine, beer, cider from 15. He drank with friends occasionally from 16, at house parties. He’s now 20 and drinks responsibly with friends, he sometimes has a couple of beers in the house when he is home from uni.

My daughter is 15, she’s not really interested. She had a taste of champagne at 13 to celebrate her brothers 18th, that’s it.

Winnipeggy · 26/12/2023 12:52

My 12 year old niece had a small bucks fizz on Christmas, it was fine. I think it's better not to make a massive taboo about it, that's generally when kids go off the rails at a later date

Original poster
DidIMakeaMistake · 26/12/2023 12:55

Thank you! I’m not sure if it’s too late on the taboo front as I don’t drink now and I hate it. My father died well before my kids were born, they don’t know he was a heavy drinker. I don’t talk about him much because I don’t have a lot to say.

I think this is perhaps something to navigate for me personally with a therapist too.

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/12/2023 12:56

You will get a lot of replies telling you it's fine and that "training" them at home prevents excess drinking when they are out with their friends. However, the scientific research completely contradicts this thinking and indicates that pushing out any drinking for as long as possible minimises the chances of drinking problems as an adult. I would also be wary on your case as there are alcohol dependency issues on both sides and there is evidence that alcoholism can run in families.

StopStartStop · 26/12/2023 12:56

We had 'a sip' from age five, and not one of us became any kind of alcoholic.

At fourteen, when out with my parents, I tried every type of alcohol I fancied (not all at once) and settled on brandy as 'my' drink. I was chaperoned until 18, but after that when I was 'free', alcohol held no mystique, I knew it's joys and sorrows from experience. I also knew never to return to a drink I'd left/taken my eyes off for a second.

The only time I've ever been unpleasantly drunk was at home, with my then-husband, drinking sherry. 😅

FreezyFord · 26/12/2023 12:57

I would never offer my dc alcohol, but a sip of they asked would be ok with me.

I don’t think, from experience, that it makes any difference how you approach this, problem drinking doesn’t stem from a sip of wine, nor a ban on drinking until 18

TheChosenTwo · 26/12/2023 12:57

I was given my own glasses of amaretto and cherry brandy from the age of about 8 by my grandparents 😂 I don’t have a drink problem now!!
My dds started being offered a glass of Prosecco at family parties from age about 12/13 I think, they’d take it, have a sip and abandon it (it IS horrible to be fair 😂). I’ve always preferred that they experiment while around family and get to learn how it makes them feel etc while they are in a safe environment. They are now 18 and 19 and the younger one had a couple of beers yesterday and the older one shared a bottle of wine with her friend who came round in the evening.
ds is 12 and I offered him a sip of my beer yesterday, his poor face was priceless 😂😂 he doesn’t really like fizzy drinks anyway but he didn’t want any more!
My mum wasn’t uptight about me drinking as a teenager and I wanted to be equally relaxed about it with my own.