What age to try a sip of wine?

[DidIMakeaMistake]

I need to add my father was an alcoholic and died in his 40s as a result of his heavy drinking.

I was a binge drinker and probably tried alcohol around age 14. I don’t drink alcohol anymore. Members of my family are also alcoholic.

DH family are your middle class functioning wine drinkers, I think drink in excess and I’d say FIL is a functioning alcoholic. I’ve seen him drink in secret at family events (eg hiding a bottle of wine and going to the utility to drink it). I obviously grew up seeing these behaviours with my dad.

Yesterday Xmas day my 12 year old niece asked for a sip of wine. Just a try of her mum’s wine. They allowed it, my eldest is a similar age. My eldest didn’t ask.

It got me thinking as to what age to normalise drinking? Or if at all? My DH drinks.

I know there are zero health benefits to this sort of drinking but I don’t want my kids to grow up with drinking issues and seeing their cousins of a similar age drinking and they’re not.

Probably around 14 for a sip and 16 for a glass for me. But we don't drink much so they'd likely not really see it to ask.

12 is too young in my opinion but not worrysomely so. I guess we all make our own decisions based on our own priorities. Like orange squash and toddlers, I see plenty with bottles full of it, whereas personally it's a once in a while treat in our house. All just our own values. One sip of alcohol won't effect anything in my eyes.

Nowadays? Around 14 plus.

Though I used to be allowed a whole glass from 11 at New Year or special occasions and a small sherry glass of sherry at Christmas.

I never drank anything much as a student and as an adult I've been teetotal for over 15 years.

DS(13) had a mouthful of Prosecco yesterday, he hated it, so that should put us on a few years!

Hi,

It’s illegal in the UK for a child under five to have any alcohol at all - even a sip. I remember being appalled when a friend of mine allowed her toddler to sip her lager. She didn’t listen to me when I objected, either!

I think context matters here and what you have witnessed and are continuing to witness makes a difference in how I would approach it.

My family aren't drinkers, my children rarely see alcohol as part of family gatherings and pretty much never day to day to it would bother me less. I've definitely given my 13 year old a little Buck's Fizz at Christmas when everyone else had one (one!).

In your situation though I would be really hesitant of 'normalising' it more than it already is, especially the in-laws functioning alcoholism, which is much more socially callable but just as destructive.

I think we allowed DD to try when she asked from aroun 13 onwards. In 90% of the cases she didn't like it.
But even when she was ok wiht a Buck Fizz or Cider sip, she wasn't allowed a full glass, she got 1/4 one.

She is now 16 and yes, she had some Vodka mixed (by me) with lemonade but there are strict restrictions. She also knows that she is only allowed Cider at a party and sticks to it or doesn't drink at all.

DH and I grew up that way and neither DH nor I are heavy drinker.

We've never hidden alcohol away from dd 10 and have allowed her sips of our alcohol - she never likes it! Offered her a glass of Buck's Fizz yesterday she said yes and tried one sip and didn't like. I think you have to make things non taboo! Though I probably drink a bit too much in general and her dad can give or get it - prefers a cup of tea.

With your family history OP that's a very difficult question .

DH and I are both social drinkers and DS had no interest in drinking alcohol until he was 16 (very sporty). He decided he was going to drink with his friends at a prom party so I suggested he try some beer / cider at home first. In his 20s now he's what I'd call an enthusiastic social drinker.

But I'm not sure in your family - and whether the fact that so many of your relatives have issues with alcohol means there's possibly something hereditary ? Is that possible ? And if so whether it's better or worse to introduce drinking at home . But I certainly wouldn't offer an alcoholic drink if your child isn't asking to try any at the moment .

I agree. I've 3 dc and have always been fairly relaxed about them trying.
The older two are adults and probably have around one to two glasses a year. The 16yo probably has a glass of cider and a few gulps of beer in a year.
They could have more but choose not to.

Whenever they ask to really. I had wine and lemonade (mostly lemonade) with a meal from about 11/12. I'm from an Italian family and have a different attitude towards alcohol.

We don't need to assume that our DC will need to be inducted into a life where drinking alcohol is some kind of inevitable norm.
I'd say that about 50% of mine and DP's friends don't drink alcohol at all and the other half drink moderately on social occasions. I don't drink alcohol apart from very, very occasionally. DP drinks socially, but not much.
I've no intention of letting my DC try alcohol under some kind of controlled circumstances. If they're going to drink, they'll do it secretly with their mates whether I have allowed supervised sips of wine or not. I don't want to prime them for some hypothetical future of recreational boozing which they might be really happy to avoid, seeing as I've set them such a great example of alcohol free exuberance and fun.

A sip as in just a tiny taste from about 4 or 5. A small drink, maybe small mulled wine or similar from 13/14.

Oh God I'd let them try a sip from about 5 years old. They just want to know what it's like, you let them try it they pull a hilarious face and declare it disgusting for at least the next 10 years.

Never make anything forbidden fruit, you just make it seem like something Grown Up and appealing. Just hand it to them for a sip without any fuss and it'll just be that minging wine mum drinks and they don't like.

Ds is 14 and had a cider with Xmas Dinner yesterday. He's tried sips of alcohol for a few years but not really bothered by it.

Well there are some barmy responses on here - but don't know where to start with this one ! Is the idea that the teenager turns their nose up at the WKD as they have a more developed palate and will only choose an appropriate wine to accompany their food? (what is the perfect pairing for KFC?!) . And in terms of alcohol consumption - why is wine less damaging (12-24%) than WKD (4%) ?

thanks for the opinions. It has made me
think about my Muslim friends who I spend time with, we go out for dinner often and they don’t drink at all, we still have a good laugh and lots of fun! I guess alcohol isn’t the be all and end all, but in mine and DH family everyone is a big drinker. My DM is a binge drinker, I like I said used to be,

DH can be a heavy drinker too on nights out.

I don’t have to introduce my kids to drink but I remember Christmas time when my cousins and I from about age 14 would sneak a bottle of Malibu into the kitchen and drink Malibu and coke in secret!

It's so hard to know what to do.
I would however rather my dc feel what it's like to have alcohol at home and learn how that makes them feel than neck cider in a park etc.

Start to learn their limits etc.

It's very hard but I'm guessing if I took a hard line they would try it with friends when they are more vulnerable. My 16 yo had a few mini glasses or champagne with Xmas dinner yesterday and I've offered baileys.

Most kids don't like wine.
Mine were allowed a small beer or fruit cider on holiday from 15. At 16 they start parties where there is alcohol and they were allowed to take a bottle of cider.
Before you know it they are at uni where there is huge pressure to drink to excess.
I think teaching them about the pitfalls of alcohol is very sensible but don't make it taboo.
Mine are late 20s now, both very moderate drinkers (especially compared to me and DH at that age). One has a beer about once a week, the other has red wine 2 or 3 times a week.

Didl, you've answered your own question in a way ‐your Muslim friends are managing to have a great time without alcohol and I bet they won't be introducing their DC to alcohol in order to avoid later pitfalls because they won't be expecting them to hang out in circumstances where there is no choice about whether to drink or not.

I have a lot of alcoholics and other addicts on both sides of my family. I was brought up knowing I most likely had "the gene" and knew a lot of AA speak from being tiny (I remember being at an Al-Anon convention as a toddler!).

The abstinent members of my family vilified alcohol, told me to never touch a drop, the co-dependent members of my family said they hoped I wouldn't drink and it was rare that we had any alcohol at home (as we didn't want to set off the alcoholics and I needed one parent to not drink).
Anyway, there was never any encouragement from my family to try alcohol, quite the opposite. I got to try Baileys and Bucks Fizz etc but it was never sold as grown up or special, and I actually think that was key for me.

People have generally weird attachments to alcohol, it's a little bit fun and naughty, or it's absolutely vital that mummy drinks gin/wine to cope with stress, or it's an expectation that you HAVE to drink or you're weird (or a secret alkie), or it's bad and you should feel ashamed, or it might change your personality, or it's ever so grown up and sophisticated etc... It's just bloody juice at the end of the day...

I swore at 12, I'd never touch a drop and I didn't at teenage parties etc. At 22, I was a bit curious (and wanted to test the gene theory)...I binge drank on a girls' weekend and puked up what I thought was blood but was actually red bull. I discovered that the gene had no impact on me in terms of alcohol. After that waste of time and tge next day of my life I'd have the occasional one (two at most) drinks...usually vodka and coke or Archers and Lemon but honestly it was only because of social pressure. I didn't see what all the fuss was about.

Now I honestly don't give a shit about booze. I think it's a waste of time and money for me personally.

I hate the pressure that there is to drink to make other people feel better about their own drinking - I think that's a massive problem in our society. I hate people who will not take no for an answer, "go on, just have ONE, one won't hurt you!!!". No, it really won't but I just really don't fancy one...I genuinely prefer a nice soft drink. And you don't want me to have one for me, you want me to have one for you...what's that about?

I get around it by having something that looks alcoholic but isn't...coke in a whiskey glass, or ginger ale etc. I've got a merry enough sober personality that the pissed people don't realise I'm not drinking and leave me alone to actually enjoy my night without the boring pestering. I don't judge other people for enjoying their drink, but I do judge them trying to force it on me. I don't go around advertising that I don't drink by the way, and was once given the advice to carry half a glass of wine around as a prop at social events and not actually drink it to get people off my back.

So my upbringing around alcohol was strict, and I've grown up very much that I can take it or leave it but get more enjoyment out of life when I leave it.

I'd say rather than worrying about when to give alcohol to a kid, focus on teaching them about behaviour, pressure, dependency etc. Don't make them feel like they have to drink to be normal, it's really their choice. And if they do drink eventually, maybe teach them to not pressure non-drinkers to join in.

I can remember being allowed a literal sip of wine or beer at that age and thinking it was really disgusting. So in that respect I don't see anything wrong with taking the mystery and allure out of it. By the time I turned old enough to drink, in my head i didn't 'like' alcohol whereas friends were trying things with no moderation. I would say the important thing is really to consider attitudes to alcohol, how to use it safely, the risk factors for addiction and teach your kids that it's something to enjoy but be cautious around. I'd be open with them about the issues family have had so they know that they need to be careful.

I was offered from a really young age which I believe demystified the whole taboo around drinking , it just wasn’t cool.

my friends who’s parents were the drink is evil type and you must not do it , where posted through their front doors every weekend and had a really unhealthy attitude about drinking.

Those of you who allow children a sip would you also allow a puff of a cigarette ( any type ) or vape? Mixed sex sleepovers ? Take your car for a little drive?

My under 18's would never dream of asking.
Unless they never leave the house without you I'm sure they've had a try.

Same here. My DM is French and watered down wine was completely normal at special family meals. DD14 and 15 are now offered the odd small glass of wine at special events but they invariably prefer soda. They’ve never been drunk, or gone looking for drink away from home (to be fair, they run with a pretty tame crowd.) My young adult nephews are French and have never been really drunk, it would be unusual in their circles, I think.

DC have seen me drink wine very often with food, I don’t drink spirits but drink beer at bbq’s or on holiday in Central Europe. They’ve never seen me drunk or drink without food (except aperitif) and no one in our family has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.