What age to try a sip of wine?

[DidIMakeaMistake]

I need to add my father was an alcoholic and died in his 40s as a result of his heavy drinking.

I was a binge drinker and probably tried alcohol around age 14. I don’t drink alcohol anymore. Members of my family are also alcoholic.

DH family are your middle class functioning wine drinkers, I think drink in excess and I’d say FIL is a functioning alcoholic. I’ve seen him drink in secret at family events (eg hiding a bottle of wine and going to the utility to drink it). I obviously grew up seeing these behaviours with my dad.

Yesterday Xmas day my 12 year old niece asked for a sip of wine. Just a try of her mum’s wine. They allowed it, my eldest is a similar age. My eldest didn’t ask.

It got me thinking as to what age to normalise drinking? Or if at all? My DH drinks.

I know there are zero health benefits to this sort of drinking but I don’t want my kids to grow up with drinking issues and seeing their cousins of a similar age drinking and they’re not.

It’s illegal to give alcohol to kids under age 5 so you should be ok.

As long as they are accompanied and supervised by a responsible adult, it’s at your discretion.

my parents let me get hammered on Bacardi and coke at a family wedding age 13. It was a lot more than a sip, I must have had 10 plus, maybe more. I had a bad relationship with alcohol until my early 30’s. My son was 17 when he tried alcohol, and my daughter 14, same family wedding. They’d never asked before then. Son liked it, and got quite tipsy on Vodka (now in his 2nd year of Uni and doesn’t drink too much) and DD hated it and has had none since, she’s 16 soon. I’m glad as I don’t want them having the same kind of relationship I did.

Purely observational and based on my own, limited experience.

I was given alcohol from a young age, finger dip in sherry, then small glass of sherry as a child. I remember getting drunk at home from about 12. I binge drank as a teenager. By the time I went to Uni at 18 I was a pretty responsible drinker. I have a very healthy relationship with alcohol now, never drunk - enjoy a glass of wine or two, can take or leave.

I do remember that when I was in my first year of Uni, there were other 18 year olds who were drinking alcohol for the first time and were absolute liabilities. I don't think alcohol has ever been much of a big deal to me.

I think exposure to alcohol does not an alcohol problem make. Many other things do - nature and nurture wise. But maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones.

What else were you offered underage? Cigarettes? Weed? Sleepover with your boyfriend? To drive the car? And if not, why not?

And a curious 12 yo who just wants a puff on a cigarette or a go driving or a bit of weed he's heard people talk about or sex with his gf? Is the 12 yo allowed tla mixed sleep over so long as it's just curiosity?

Oh, bless, you think your 12-15 year old wouldn't do those things.

Sleepover with boyfriend yes (In different rooms of the house after going to a concert)
driving yes (on private land)

smoking in any form no. I think the difference is the health implications and how addictive the substances are.

Teaching people how to moderate themselves is a life skill and respecting alcohol is also a skill.

if you go all out and ban something it creates a challenge for people to rebel.

Whenever they want to. Funny that those countries where alcohol is normalised and not a big deal don't have the binge drinking problems the Brits do.

I gave DS a Buck’s Fizz last year at Christmas (aged 13). This year I bought him some 0% sparkling wine instead, which he prefers. Hs doesn’t like the alcohol taste, but loved having a glass of sparkling wine.

When they ask for a taste, this is usually about aged 4-5, and they hate it.

Yep

My bro and I would be given a sherry glass with a very small amount of wine at Christmas to have with dinner from quite young- maybe 6 or 7? My Dad was an alcoholic (albeit largely absent from our lives) and my Mum didn’t want to become some sort of special forbidden fruit sort of thing.
Hard to say if her strategy worked really… I still got up to a fair amount of illicit underage drinking shenanigans as a teen although I have a perfectly healthy relationship with drinking as an adult. My brother is an alcoholic but he says himself that it was basically a self fulfilling prophecy.

It is perhaps worth bearing in mind that different cultures approach the issue of young people and alcohol differently. This is one child rearing practice where I definitely prefer to draw from my Southern French roots. Where it’s not uncommon for teens to drink small amounts of wine. In Southern European cultures I think the approach is healthier and more relaxed but alcoholism and teenage alcohol issues are much less common than elsewhere. Whatever the common approach is in Anglo Saxon cultures clearly isn’t working to create youngsters who drink sensibly, like my French nephews and their friends.

Children learn from what they see modelled by the adults around them. If kids see adults binge drinking, see their parents drunk, drinking away from the table, treating alcohol as naughty and with stupid ‘wine o’clock’ signs on the kitchen wall, of course they’ll grow up with issues around drinking. If they see alcohol as a pleasant part of some meals and special occasions, to be enjoyed for what it is (or not, it’s no big deal) they’ll probably be fine.

I really don’t see the parallels with the other activities you mention.

It’s nothing to do with making them ‘turn their nose up’ at Smirnoff ice and WKD. Are you projecting?

It’s about seeing alcohol as something you might enjoy in moderation with a meal rather than something you consume at parties for the sole purpose of ‘getting drunk’.

(but to add to your discussion, re: percentages- no teenager drinks one bottle of WKD. It’s basically pop and goes down very easily. And again and again and again.)

I think if you are predisposed to have a problem with alcohol then it can only be a good, protective thing to discourage your kids from drinking for as long as possible and have discussions around the benefit of considering never trying it. I don't think you can train someone to drink responsibly from an early age. It's like the people who have really easy babies and think it's down to their excellent parenting. They just got lucky that the first sip their kid tried at age 5 didn't spark something in their kid's brains to make them want more and more alcohol. Like coffee or cigarettes, if you never try it, you'll never miss it and you won't run the risk of forming an addiction or a relationship where you abuse it. At least give your kids the option to never try it. If you start giving it to them young, they can't really make an informed decision.

My grandad used to make me a snowball when I was about ten (advocaat and lemonade). Moderation was always his mantra and I’ve remembered that into adulthood. I rarely drink or get drunk.

I've let my dc taste alcohol from a young age. I only allow a sip.

Like you OP my childhood was surrounded by alcoholics. I helped myself to cans of beer as young as 3 years old. As a teenager I’d drink a lot of neat vodka and in my 20s I relied on it a lot to sleep/block out anxiety etc I was drinking gin for breakfast eventually. i come from a family of addicts and knew i was beginning to have a problem so I quit cold turkey. I never want my children to be drinkers but I know they eventually rebel as teens and will find a way to source alcohol, so I’ve allowed my 13 year olds to have a sip here and there at parties. They don’t like it and have no interest luckily, but I think it’s important to be open and approachable in situations like this. Id rather agree to allowing a small amount than find out my dds were drunk in a field because id forbidden it. So allow what you’re comfortable with and when, but remember in a safe space is the best time for them to try it then you’re fully in control.

The younger you normalise, the less likely they see it as taboo/naughty/rebel

My 9 year old had a bit of champers yesterday out of curiosity, my 14 year old not interested

Both DH and I grew up in households were it was the same approach, and I think all the healthier for it

Replying to myself to say I meant 14 plus to have a small glass. A taste probably sooner.

Though my 17 year old has never had alcohol. Refused all offers of a small glass of sherry or wine. It has been offered. They don't like the taste.

Fuck me! No wonder so many kids go behind their parent's backs if that's the level of over reaction 🤣🤣

What if...what if...what if...what iffffffffff?

I don’t think it’s formulaic. I’ve known strict non-drinking parents with heavy drinking offspring as well as very liberal types ending up with problem-drinking kids. Many teenagers now are not quite into alcohol so I don’t think it’s as much of a worry as it was. What we do know nowadays, from research, is that alcohol has a very negative impact on the growing brain. Personally I prefer my dc wait until they are much older.

And no wonder so many adults are problem drinkers when parents allow young teens to drink and so completely disregard the scientific evidence that shows the longer you put off initial drinking the less likely you are to develop problem drinking.

A 12 year old is curious and asks for a taste.

They were hardly swigging it from a bottle on the pavement outside KFC 🙄

You only have to read the posts here to see how many parents think it's appropriate to allow young teens to drink a glass of cider/wine etc at home.