What age to try a sip of wine?

[DidIMakeaMistake]

I need to add my father was an alcoholic and died in his 40s as a result of his heavy drinking.

I was a binge drinker and probably tried alcohol around age 14. I don’t drink alcohol anymore. Members of my family are also alcoholic.

DH family are your middle class functioning wine drinkers, I think drink in excess and I’d say FIL is a functioning alcoholic. I’ve seen him drink in secret at family events (eg hiding a bottle of wine and going to the utility to drink it). I obviously grew up seeing these behaviours with my dad.

Yesterday Xmas day my 12 year old niece asked for a sip of wine. Just a try of her mum’s wine. They allowed it, my eldest is a similar age. My eldest didn’t ask.

It got me thinking as to what age to normalise drinking? Or if at all? My DH drinks.

I know there are zero health benefits to this sort of drinking but I don’t want my kids to grow up with drinking issues and seeing their cousins of a similar age drinking and they’re not.

I'm not really a drinker (I might have one or two glasses a year). If my children ask to taste it I have always let them though. With the warning "It's beer and probably won't taste very nice" When they were small they tasted it. Now if I say its alcohol they decline.

Yes my parents would often offer me a (small!) glass of wine with Sunday dinner starting when I was about 13. To be honest I found it boringly adult and while I liked showing off in front of my younger siblings who were not invited to partake, I didn't see what all the fuss was about.

I did go through a phase of being a big social drinker in my 20s and now not really so much - but I think that early introduction did really help with setting the right mindset around alcohol. For example, any occasions where I was drinking too much were more because I was having fun with friends and lost track of time, rather than any interest in going and getting drunk for the sake of it. I would have had a couple of glasses of wine too many, rather than because there was any forbidden glamour in necking shots of vodka from the bottle or anything. Getting sloshed has never held any appeal for me at all and I never saw wine as a tool to that end.

I do drink much less now (I had DS at the end of my 20s) and that was the end of most of my socialising... but my dad and I still like a glass of nice wine at dinner!

I have low level issues with alcohol after being raised in a pub trade by alcoholics. I was totally forbidden from touching booze. I think that led to my issues although in not an alcoholic as such, I occasionally drink but when I do often have one and it rapidly turns into 9 . There is also a huge amount of addictive personality issues in my family.

But my 4 children were allowed to have a sip (a single SIP) of whatever they wanted once they started to ask. They were revolted by it all. I've now got a 25 yo daughter that drinks maybe 12 fruit ciders over the entire summer if she visits a beer garden or we have a bbq, and around 12 gins throughout Christmas/new year. My 24 and 19yo sons have never touched a drop sauce they tried lager age 9 ish and honestly I don't think they ever will at they didn't /dont bother at uni etc either. My youngest did is 16 and had a Buck's Fizz yesterday but I think that was more for photos as the almost full bottle la champagne is still there. Today she will be having friends around and their parents have agreed they can drink responsibly and so they will likely be having a few cocktails. Nothing major and I delivery feel like I've taken a better approach to my parents.

Mine had a sip of champagne at 10. But it was a particularly special event and location.

I don't think it turns children into deviants. My grandfather was always trying to get me to drink a rum and coke on the sly by pretending it was just coke. I was convinced until I was older that coke in pubs tasted of alcohol! I've got no issues with alcohol at all. I haven't even had a drop over Christmas. If anything, I think it put me off more than it encouraged me because rum and coke is filthy. I still can't stomach it thirty years on.

A sip? 12 is absolutely fine IMO.
I checked with SIL if I could offer my 12yo niece a sip of champagne at dinner yesterday and she said yes. Niece said, "No thanks!".

Wine with a meal is quite normal in my family (not every week, but when we get together a few times a year). My kids have been raised to understand that social drinking in moderation is fine and normal. None of their immediate family drink excessively. My kids have been allowed to try a sip from about aged 10, and at 13, my youngest is allowed a small glass of wine well diluted with Lemonade.

My family is French and I was drinking heavily diluted wine with meals from a very young age (early primary school) with the ratio getting stronger as I grew older and stopped adding water when I was around 14. I've always drunk far less than the English people I know who didn't drink alcohol in childhood. I like wine, but I don't like being drunk. I do know that anecdote isn't data though, and that the theory that early moderate exposure to alcohol lessens the risk of heavy drinking has been disproved.

My children are teenagers, but they don't drink, although they know that we would let them.

Op, with your family experiences it really is an individual choice.

alcoholism and alcohol related issues change the decision as these impact differently.
I have a child with family history of drug and alcohol addiction, we don’t have alcohol as don’t drink, but is exposed at family events. It’s a hard balance to manage.

good luck 💐

At 12?

We were given alcohol pretty young, my father's one liberal parenting allowance so we'd learn to "handle" it. I remember him convincing a pub owner on my 16th I was 18 so they'd serve me (I looked young but he was my Father so why would he lie..) and me thinking it was great I was tipsy for my birthday!! Mine was also the party for sleepovers as we could have wine. Didn't stop me drinking until I couldn't remember what had happened to me in Uni.
And then I saw when my sister did the same thing with my niece that I actually think it's really unhealthy - bottles of WKD etc bought for her at 13/14 for parties.

DH is super conservative on this stuff and is adamant it's 18. Eldest probably won't ask. Youngest will I think once oldest is allowed but I think sips if THEY ask from about 14 would be my line.

I just feel like I’ve already set the path of alcohol is a no no, I wish I knew how to navigate this, my eldest smiled as her cousin drank the wine. She’s a very sensible child and I think probably thought why is her cousin drinking and I think maybe she was intrigued. Maybe I should have asked her but as we were at FILs I thought maybe DH might but he didn’t. I guess my niece did ask, if she hadn’t asked then her mum would not have offered if that makes sense. DH is a drinker but his sister SIL doesn’t drink a lot and neither does her husband.

I recall having a baby Cham as a kid but that was the early 80s different times! My eldest is nearly 13 and has had sips of fizzy wine and beer nothing more. I think it’s nice to enable them to try it at home. It’s then not a mystery and less inclined to go to excess. He’ll be having a few sips of Buck’s Fizz with lunch today and nothing more. I think we should have a more relaxed and continental approach to alcohol in context of a social gathering.

I’d allow a 12 year old to have a one-off sip of wine or beer, on the assumption they wouldn’t like it (I would not give a sip of cocktail, because they might well like the taste of that). Same as I allowed my six year old a sip of coffee, knowing he wouldn’t like it, but would never dream of giving him his own espresso.

They wouldn’t be allowed alcohol themselves, even a small glass, until 16. You are right, it normalises it.

12 is absolutely fine for a thimbleful of wine, let alone a sip. I doubt they’d like it much.

I absolutely don’t think children should be ‘trained’ to drink alcohol but i think it should be introduced as a food accompaniment, with appropriate pairings rather than ‘a first pint’ at sixteen or a reluctant 4 pack of WKD you buy your seventeen year old for a party.

too often you see alcohol being the forbidden fruit, parents not letting their 13 year old have a sniff of wine but then late teens hit. Then their first introduction to alcohol is at house party when the parents bow down to peer pressure and buy them a blue alcopop.

I'm sure they wouldn't as they know the answer, so they probably get it elsewhere.

Oh no, I gave my last cracker medal out earlier

It's understandable if you come from a family of alcoholics that you aren't sure, personally I don't think an occasional mouthful of wine at 12 is a surefire route to problem drinking

To literally just taste? Four or five I guess. But a little in a glass with a meal I'd say 12 upwards.

Why offer tho? I wouldn't offer them a cup of coffee at 3 or a drag on a cigarette at 5 or a go iny car at 7, some weed or 9, a bf/gf sleepover with privacy at 11, some ecstasy at 13.

Mine gave us fizzy French cider when I was 6, and DBro must have been 3. They stopped when it became apparent that we were getting drunk on it (tantrums and unusual naps).

I have no idea what possessed them, except for it being the early 80s and the aspirational thing to do. They were both very caring and attentive parents, and neither drank heavily themselves, it was just a glass of home-made wine or this fizzy cider with Sunday lunch. DM is basically teetotal now.

I do still like French cider though.

I don't understand why your friend was mortified. Horrified or appalled at you actually offering it to the children I can understand unless there is some back story there whereby she somehow feels responsible for your decision?

I think we had sips from 7, watered down quarter class from 10 ish, very small glass from 12ish, a small glass of wine and half a glass of champagne at about 14

My kids have had the same. No one alcoholic so far..

Interesting reading....

We had fairly "free access" to alcohol from a young age.

Like I could have asked to try my dads beer, mums wine or cocktails from about 6 or 7?
Theyd always say yes or fine but you won't like it and I'd take a tiny sip and grimace.

I was allowed to drink and experiment with alcohol from about 13/14... normally on controlled family environments. The teen cousins would be allowed 1 or 2 Bacardi breezers or buds over an evening.
At 16 or so I went out underage drinking and it was all a bit of a lark. I'd never really have more than 4 or 5 drinks. There wa she odd vommy episode as you work out your limits.

My parents felt it was better I learned my limits early. I never really questioned if this was super stupid or not as it worked out file for me and my siblings 🤷‍♀️

And then having posted...I have to edit as I realise I'd completely forgotten my father Def had a drinking problem 🥴

we allowed our dc to have a small glass of wine from around 14. One is a moderate drinker, ie, doesn’t go over the top, but does get drunk occasionally, and the other one doesn’t drink at all.

Just like other posts have mentioned, 6-7 years old seems about right to allow them to wet their lips with wine for the first time, especially if they are curious about it. A more uptight approach can definitely backfire in the long run.

Funny how the scientific research completely disagrees with you.