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Original poster

What age to try a sip of wine?

159 replies

DidIMakeaMistake · 26/12/2023 12:30

I need to add my father was an alcoholic and died in his 40s as a result of his heavy drinking.

I was a binge drinker and probably tried alcohol around age 14. I don’t drink alcohol anymore. Members of my family are also alcoholic.

DH family are your middle class functioning wine drinkers, I think drink in excess and I’d say FIL is a functioning alcoholic. I’ve seen him drink in secret at family events (eg hiding a bottle of wine and going to the utility to drink it). I obviously grew up seeing these behaviours with my dad.

Yesterday Xmas day my 12 year old niece asked for a sip of wine. Just a try of her mum’s wine. They allowed it, my eldest is a similar age. My eldest didn’t ask.

It got me thinking as to what age to normalise drinking? Or if at all? My DH drinks.

I know there are zero health benefits to this sort of drinking but I don’t want my kids to grow up with drinking issues and seeing their cousins of a similar age drinking and they’re not.

OP posts:
willowstar · 26/12/2023 22:30

We have been really relaxed with ours...from whenever they were curious we have let them have little sips. So far they have disliked all of it.

I grew up in Germany and we have no alcoholism in our families, in fact they barely drink. So that may influence how we are.

We drink but little and often rather than to excess. Everything in moderation is how I am raising my children. So in answer to your question...a little sip when they are curious...mine where maybe 8?9? I can't remember. They are 12 and 14 now and don't like any of it.

Kendodd · 26/12/2023 22:35

I think a sip at 12 is fine and a glass at 14 is fine. We are very light drinkers. I probably have one unit a week and my husband has 2 or 3. There are no heavy drinkers amongst our friends or family.

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2023 22:38

Trying a sip as a teen is fine - having an actual glass only after 16 and most probably wouldn't like it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

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MollyButton · 26/12/2023 22:40

I allowed my DC the oddsip from fairly young. But out of the 3 (age range 20-27) one doesn't drink at all, one drinks and one rarely drinks.
But we don't have much alcoholism around, I very very rarely drink nowadays, and their father rarely drank much around them. It has also never been forbidden.
But if we had alcoholics in the family I would discuss it with them, just as we've discussed other issues such as drugs or gambling.

HappyCamperTent · 26/12/2023 22:45

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2023 16:57

What else were you offered underage? Cigarettes? Weed? Sleepover with your boyfriend? To drive the car? And if not, why not?

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Because your examples are not as socially acceptable and have bigger ramifications… obviously 🙄

laceydoily · 26/12/2023 22:50

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/12/2023 12:56

You will get a lot of replies telling you it's fine and that "training" them at home prevents excess drinking when they are out with their friends. However, the scientific research completely contradicts this thinking and indicates that pushing out any drinking for as long as possible minimises the chances of drinking problems as an adult. I would also be wary on your case as there are alcohol dependency issues on both sides and there is evidence that alcoholism can run in families.

This. People can say what they want but research has shown that early tastes of alcohol are correlated with alcohol abuse issues at a later stage. Cognitive dissonance means people won’t want to believe this but it doesn’t stop it being true I’m afraid.

I’ve never understood the whole “shouldn’t forbid, give it young” argument. Do those people give cigarettes to their 12 year olds so they aren’t temped by it being forbidden? 🙄

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 26/12/2023 22:52

Letting your dc try things underage is blurring the lines. They aren't your mates. Enforcing rules is your job.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 22:56

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 26/12/2023 12:38

My parents took the continental view and I was allowed sips of watered down wine quite young. I was a binge drinker from 15-25, so the supposed protective factor of trying it in a civilised family situation did not work for me or my siblings.

I've read that alcohol damages immature brains, even in quite small quantities, so I am personally taking the view that 18 is when my kids will be allowed a drink, and I've told them why.

I don't judge any one else who takes a different approach but that is my view on it.

I was similar and this is good advice. I don't plan to drink much in front of my son or model drinking being a normal part of socializing

WeightoftheWorld · 26/12/2023 22:58

laceydoily · 26/12/2023 22:50

This. People can say what they want but research has shown that early tastes of alcohol are correlated with alcohol abuse issues at a later stage. Cognitive dissonance means people won’t want to believe this but it doesn’t stop it being true I’m afraid.

I’ve never understood the whole “shouldn’t forbid, give it young” argument. Do those people give cigarettes to their 12 year olds so they aren’t temped by it being forbidden? 🙄

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Completely agree. A few posters have posted throughout this thread about the consensus from scientific literature. I think that will be reassuring for you actually OP to have a Google and read up on that. My kids are only little but we did a lot of reading and discussing this issue when we had DC1. We are occasional social drinkers and we almost never drink at home when it's just us. We've always been that way. We don't drink alcohol in front of the kids at all, and we keep very little alcohol at home which is kept securely away out of sight. I'm not completely sure of the details of the approach we will take when we get to our kids being older as obviously we have a long way til that time comes but I think we are likely to go down the 'not til 18' route.

Anecdotally our experiences completely support the scientific research in that ourselves and the friends we have with either teetotal, very rare drinker or parents who did drink but did not accept their child doing so until 18 are by and large the lighter/infrequent drinkers out of the people we know. Whereas those we know who had permissive parents on this issue continue to be heavy drinkers in adulthood.

flatpack1 · 26/12/2023 23:16

I think in the UK its only unlawful to give alcohol to under 5s

SharonEllis · 26/12/2023 23:19

I think its fine. I was drinking wine & (lots of) water or very weak shandy younger than that & gradually built up to normal strength drinks around 17. My parents modelled regular but moderate drinking and I never, ever, saw them drunk. I have a phD so doesnt seem to have harmed my brain & I have never had a drink problem. Could drink a lot in my 20s and toned it down to about 2-5 units a week. Sometimes nothing at all for a week or 2. Very rarely have more that 2 glasses of wine or 1 pint in a whole evening. Very occasionally have a glass of wine or half a pint at lunch with a friend. Learning that alcohol is to be enjoyed & not about getting drunk is the important message & its good to get that across young.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/12/2023 23:24

SharonEllis · 26/12/2023 23:19

I think its fine. I was drinking wine & (lots of) water or very weak shandy younger than that & gradually built up to normal strength drinks around 17. My parents modelled regular but moderate drinking and I never, ever, saw them drunk. I have a phD so doesnt seem to have harmed my brain & I have never had a drink problem. Could drink a lot in my 20s and toned it down to about 2-5 units a week. Sometimes nothing at all for a week or 2. Very rarely have more that 2 glasses of wine or 1 pint in a whole evening. Very occasionally have a glass of wine or half a pint at lunch with a friend. Learning that alcohol is to be enjoyed & not about getting drunk is the important message & its good to get that across young.

So you have completed a PhD but believe your experience disproves the scientific evidence to the contrary?

Can I assume your PhD didn't involve any quantitative research?

Createausernametoday · 26/12/2023 23:30

it differs week to week , some weeks I can drink every night , after Christmas I’m going to cut back to maybe every other night. When I was in my late teens I’d drink like a fish Thursday - Sunday.

edwinbear · 26/12/2023 23:34

I think my DC (12 & 14) are fairly typical of their generation in that they have zero interest. DH & I both drink in moderation, they’ve both been offered a taste, but so far, neither of them want to. They are both county standard athletes, have learnt about alcohol at school, and at the moment, can’t see the point. They think it’s unhealthy, don’t see the appeal and think it will impact their performance. Obviously as they get closer to 16-18 this might change, but friends with older DC are telling me their kids aren’t so interested either. I think this is brilliant 😁

Deadringer · 26/12/2023 23:39

My dc weren't allowed alcohol underage, it didn't make them go mad for it later. As adults 2 don't drink at all and the other 2 drink socially but would only have one or two on a night out. Many of my friends supplied their dc with alcohol for parties etc from about 16, their thinking was that at least they knew what they were drinking, some of them now have issues with alcohol. In general though I agree with FreezyFord, parents attitude to alcohol doesn't really influence whether dc will have problems with drinking later on.

MissingMoominMamma · 26/12/2023 23:44

My parents never offered me alcohol. My grandma used to buy me a glass of cider when we went out for lunch though… 😳

I started drinking at around 14, at parties, and have always struggled with alcohol since.

I honestly think alcohol addiction depends on whether you have an addictive personality.

WithIcePlease · 27/12/2023 00:08

It's so difficult to know what is best for any individual. I recognise the evidence about starting early overall being bad but didn't know of this when DC adolescents.
From my own experience, DC have had access to alcohol from a young teen age - it's always around the house anyway. At DD's first teen party, she ended up holding up the hair of a girl vomiting in a loo and that put her off drinking. She barely drank at uni. DD2 never been that interested as she can't sleep well with excess alcohol. They have both been in groups at various times with lots of drugs about and neither interested despite funds to do so.
My line was that if they were going to end up in a mess, I'd rather it be before going away to university so that I could scoop them up and bring them home rather than them being miles away. It never happened.
They both had plenty of freedom, money for cabs and I have not been one for telling them what time to be home.
Neither of them has had the drugs that I did in my youth.
So the outcome I think is totally dependent on the individual child

QueenOfMOHO · 27/12/2023 00:10

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/12/2023 13:37

Funny how the scientific research completely disagrees with you.

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Do you have a reference for this please?

OchonAgusOchonOh · 27/12/2023 00:14

QueenOfMOHO · 27/12/2023 00:10

Do you have a reference for this please?

Show quote history

A quick Google will find it for you.

TheaBrandt · 27/12/2023 07:07

The issue in letting them try some and thinking you are “demystifying” it or “inoculating” them against future heavy drinking is plain wrong - what you
are actually doing is endorsing it. Your message is “we drink” “you must drink when you are older” “this is what we in our family do” “this is good”. I like my wine but come on it’s not an habit to encourage.

Obviously not everyone given alcohol young becomes a problem drinker but studies show that problem drinkers were given alcohol young.

Also please don’t give alcohol to other peoples young / mid teens as has happened repeatedly for my own and my sisters kids by other parents 🙄 it’s properly pissed us off.

We followed what my parents did. Never given it at home it’s for adults but maintain open door you can come to us approach if they choose to do it socially and it goes wrong. My 17 year old drinks socially but never seen her actually drunk even after the several big parties we have hosted here. Pretty sure my 15 year old has the odd swig at parties too but again never seen her drunk.

Flatandhappy · 27/12/2023 07:12

DH is French so I think we offered a small glass of wine from around 12. Usually after one sip they headed to the fridge for a glass of milk instead. DD just said no thanks. My very judgy friend was outraged when I let DD have a cruiser at a NYE party when she was 16 had to bite my tongue when DD showed me Snapchat photos of judgy friend’s same age DD off her face on vodka and cocaine at an adult free party.

TheaBrandt · 27/12/2023 07:16

Those studies basically say children that were parent supplied alcohol under 16 were statistically more likely to be problem drinkers as late teens / young adults.

DH did this research when ours were at primary was helpful and endorsed what we were going to do anyway. Encouraging children to drink alcohol is shit parenting basically - whatever you tell yourself.

TheaBrandt · 27/12/2023 07:20

Your giving your teen alcohol wasn’t linked to her making good choices though. We never gave ours alcohol and they make good choices.

Also your own perfect Peter teen will be happy to gleefully show you those pictures of the other teen - she sure as hell won’t be showing you equivalent pictures of herself she’s not daft.