My family have made DH cry at Christmas and I'm fucking livid

[SoLongDaisyMay]

They've never liked him, it's always been a personality clash thing which is fine, obviously not everyone is going to like everyone in life. But since we had children it's almost felt like they're ganging up on him and every little thing he does it wrong somehow

We've just opened presents and there's nothing for him. We tend not to do big presents for adults but I've had Dior perfume, a fenty beauty gift set, Pandora jewellery and a few other bits. There is not so much as a tin of shortbread for DH. Had it been a budget issue, they could've got me one fewer present and got something for DH instead, or something we could both share. But no.

We're hosting Christmas this year. He's spent several hundred pounds on food and drink. He's been cooking since yesterday and he's the only person in a family of 8 with no present other than from me (I got him a few bits and we exchanged them earlier)

It's not about stuff. Literally a packet of biscuits would've been a nice gesture to say thank you for hosting. It's the pointedness of leaving him, and only him, out.

I've just had to console my crying husband in the kitchen while he basted the turkey through tears.

It's been little things like this for years but this specific incident absolutely tears it for me, it's the last straw.

Your poor DH. My late MIL would be like this, I was given a used bar of coal tar soap with a grubby flannel, all wrapped up, for 3 consecutive Christmas’.
After the third I never saw her again, hideous woman.
I hope your family bugger off pdq after the meal so you can have a lovely evening together.

Your mother is one of the guests. Who are the others? Why did they also arrive empty handed? So fucking rude!!! Especially as you are hosting. It’s staggeringly bad manners to go for an expensive meal and not even take the host a gift!

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. I would go ballistic once the kids are out. And don't let them talk you out of emigrating.

I love the 'throw them out' armchair warriors here so confident that they will recreate an Eastenders special if confronted with the same scenario and the casual 'go no contact' advice as of its as easy as opening a tin of beans.

What a complete weirdo!? That is so unhinged I’d be concerned someone wasn’t well if they gifted that! Yikes.

Did they give you host gifts?

I read so much bad stuff about husbands on here, and then I read this post. I would lose it, and kick them out now! All the best to you ,and your husband, he is a keeper!

Send the wankers home. I would.

I’d ask them to leave after the meal is done and be clear why. Would be a direct comment and not an argument at all so no Eastenders style…and whilst I wouldnt suggest no contact, I absolutely wouldn’t stand for this shitty behaviour. OP is moving abroad anyway and so this is extra shitty of her family!

Absolute bastards.

Yeah but they don’t know this yet.

For those asking, guests are my mum, my teenager sister and my grandparents

Sending them home would just play into their hands. They want a fight, and for the OP and her husband to be "at fault".

She is quite right to wait (and serve them Lidl gravy -best pass agg action EVER!) and then to drop it into the convo later that their actions have helped to make the move to NZ decision MUCH easier

You need to be more assertive with them for his benefit. Not only to protect him from this shite, but do he sees that your are a team, do your kids see it. Is it ok to treat daddy like a second class citizen? They are your family. Your lack of courage, relying on gentle hints are enabling them to treat him like this.

“Whilst DH is in the kitchen, cooking Christmas dinner for us all I want up say how disappointed I am that you completely overlooked him. He meant that little to you. You have been very generous with me and the kids, but I did not need all of that. I would have been happier with you treating DH equally with kindness and respect and getting us a token of similar value. DC are 4 and 1 this stops here. I do not want our children growing up wondering why the family are mean to daddy. You either apologise and get your act together or we take a step back from you.”

@JANEY205 MIL made it very clear for more than 30 years before she died, that she didn’t like me. My SIL confirmed it.
She was simply the biggest hypocrite I ever met, church 3x a week but never a good word to say about anyone 🤷🏼‍♀️

This. Off they pop. Arses

Maybe they feel its his fault taking her abroad away from family?

I've read the OP's posts twice and couldn't see where she mentioned moving to NZ, yet others are commenting on her move. Am I being dense (polite answers only, please.😙)?

Well said @RogersOrganismicProcess .

Stand up for your husband FFS

It’s in a previous thread.

Have they given him presents in previous years?

Can you elaborate on the “personality clash”? It sounds like more than that.

That's disgusting and I'd tell them to leave.

It's possible you are taking this more personally than the situation warrants.

Especially considering they are extended family as opposed to immediate.

LTB.