Why is it acceptable to openly body shame thin people?

[Indharma]

I'm 5'8 and 9st 5lbs. Perfectly normal weight.

All my life, especially when I was younger and slimmer, people have felt far too comfortable commenting on and criticising my weight. "Ooh you're too skinny" "oh look, it's a skeleton" "don't you eat" "are you anorexic" etc etc.

I've noticed the people who do this are always fat and frequently on a diet. A friend of mine used to be obsessed with my weight, she'd comment on it, she'd speak to other friends behind my back about it. She was one of the greediest people I've ever met, she licked her plate clean for goodness sake. She'd tell me how unhealthy my eating was, yet I was normal weight and toned, she was overweight and on yet another cottage cheese crash diet. Hardly the picture of health.

The most recent was a teacher at DCs school acting shocked. Apparently I "looked so thin, like I'd lost weight" she looked like she'd put about 4 stone on but if I said that to her, I'd be a bitch. After three decades of this double standard, I'm absolutely sick of it. Why do they do it? Why is it seen as acceptable or important to anyone?

Yes it is more socially acceptable to be slim but it’s quite rare for someone to go up to a fat person and say “ugh you’re so disgusting look at all your flab, what’s wrong with you!” If anything most people are scared to say anything

• *This is absolutely not true.

It's very clear even on this thread that thin shaming is seen as fine and fat shaming is taboo. As a child in primary it was awful, saying you look like a door, can't see you sideways etc.

I imagine very overweight people do have to deal with this a lot. But I think in general it’s socially unacceptable to do that and most people if they heard someone say those things to a fat person would think they were out of order and very mean.
Whereas a lot more people think it’s ok to direct those sorts of comments to thin people. You can even see that from some of the comments here, where people have said it’s not as bad to comment if someone is thin because that’s the beauty standard

I'd like to think this is true but I'm afraid my friend has had awful things said to her in the street because of her size. Cars of young men shouting that she was a 'fucking lardy arse' and being told by a 'gentleman' in a queue that she was blocking the light in shop. We were out for a meal and the table next were opening laughing at her. It was awful. It's not a rare occurrence for her but she just can't be arsed to explain her health conditions/medications to people and I don't blame her. She's the loveliest, kindest person I know and she doesn't deserve the treatment she often gets.

I have had friends tell me that I'm now 'too thin' when I know I'm not, it's just because I've lost a reasonable amount of weight over the last couple of years. I'm still at the higher end of 'normal' weight so nowhere near underweight.

I absolutely agree with you that no one should be commenting on someone else's weight, in either context.

It's hardly a bloody competition 🙄

I agree, and it's so annoying. I understand that it comes from insecurity, but it shouldn't be socially acceptable.

One of my best friends is very insecure about her weight even though she's slim and has a beautiful body (she's a 12, which is thin! She's just quite busty) and even though I love her, she makes jabs about me being a size 6 literally every time I see her, and it's just always so awkward.

Honestly so many women seem to take my thinness as some kind of personal attack and be personally affronted by it.

I'm not being thin AT you.

Well it’s not socially acceptable is it. Whereas ‘normal nice’ people say nasty things about slim people.

What fucks me off is those people who are thin and go on about how they ‘can’t have a pudding’ or ‘really need to get back on it’ when all they’re doing is looking for people to say ‘Oh God! WHY?! You’re SO thin! I wish I could look like you!’.

Absolute dicks who only look to make others feel bad and then for those people to compliment them. Bore off with your salad and gimme the cheese!

@ChristmasSteps295

Whereas people think it's absolutely fine to make comments about your weight to your face as long as it's telling you you look scrawny and need to eat more.

I think you missed out the fact that RUDE people think that's fine to say.

Rude people think a lot of things are fine to say.

I had a "friend" at a hobby make a passive aggressive faux "helpful" or "supportive" comment about my size or weight every single time we met in a group for the hobby. She was a skilled manipulator of people and seemed to revel in portraying herself as a straight-talking spiritual being of love and light, but she sought out what she perceived as weaknesses or sore spots in other people and would poke away at them endlessly over the years.

She was a rude person who happened to be slim who happened to pick on me for my weight. I don't doubt that if she were overweight she would be picking on slim or skinny women for the opposite.

I left the group she was in and travelled further afield to mainly avoid her, ironically to a group taught by a very slim lady who absolutely would not tolerate any fatphobia (or any other comments about people's bodies). Several others did the same to avoud her for various reasons - she'd always point out another lady's strong non-native accent, for example. We shouldn't have to but the problem woman is worshipped by the first group's event organiser, so off we go.

Your "friends" sounds just like her. They're not friends, they're just rude people. I think the more interesting question is why do you continue to put yourself in their company, knowing that they are rude to you? They just don't seem like very nice people. Why would you continue to put yourself in their company?

It appears the OP can be downright rude about fat people but God forbid anyone comments on her being scrawny.

I must admit, I'm surprised people are still saying this when twice I've explained the wording in my post was intentional to make my point about double standards.. I would never comment on someone's weight because I don't notice, hand on heart I don't care. I'm not preoccupied with other people and how much they weigh. It's none of my business and it's not my problem. Worth mentioning I didn't tell DC's teacher they'd gained weight when mine was brought up because I'd never want to make her feel how she made me feel. Until she'd been disparaging the only thing I'd noticed was how good her skin looked.

Your height and weight are aspirational and well you know it!
Your aspiration is my normal. It's not open for public opinion, criticism or judgement. It's nobody else's business. Nobody should be commenting on it, especially not in a derogatory way.

Thin people eat cheese 🤦‍♀️

To be fair, there are some pretty horrible and judgmental comments on this thread from seemingly slender posters

I think they've had enough of it, that's why they're getting snippy. I understand it.

Triggered much?

It’s not acceptable to body shame anyone.

Nothing is a defence for this. Doesn’t matter what YOU think the ideal is.

I've had this problem my whole life. One time when I was only 19 a middle aged man got on an elevator I was on. He looked me up and down and told me I'd be attractive if only I'd gain some weight. I've had people yell at me many times to eat a hamburger. My own best friend called me Skinny Minnie for years until I explained to her that it was exactly the same as me calling her fat. She did stop after that. But the general public won't stop because they think fat is bad, and if we're not fat then it's not in the same realm at all. When it's actually exactly the fucking same to mention it. It's also tied into objectifying women and feeling like everyone has a claim on a woman's body. Like we're public domain to pick apart. Women are just as bad as men about this too.

I know, having been thin, fat and everything in between! I’m talking about the ones who “couldn’t possibly as I’ll put Sooooo much weight on” or they say “now I’ll have to spend an extra hour in the gym”. Not thin people who eat normally and have lucky metabolisms.

I’m on about the ones who pontificate about how fat they are when they’re thin and make a massive deal of having a bacon sandwich.

@THisbackwithavengeance i can assure you as a skinny person people do feel the need to comment on my size and weight

OMG I only read a few comments and can't even go on or respond individually. So many comments doing exactly what this post is about.

@Indharma it might help you to think about appropriate ways to shut down comments. It is perfectly possible to express a boundary without being rude back.

"My body is not up for discussion."

"Please don't comment again on my body"

"My weight is not your business"

Best response is a second or two of uncomfortable silence and a “That’s really rude”.

I'm slim (I wouldn't say skinny), and workout alot so the veins in my arms are sometimes prominent. I was in the pub the other evening (stuffing my face with halloumi fries), when a woman said I looked like a crack addict and need to eat more! I've covered my arms since then.

Omg...this is the story of my life. Am very petite and thin and been called disgusting, skeleton, that men don't find me attractive blah blah and if any man did its because they are a pedophile!!! . Years of this has seriously affected my self esteem and confidence. I grew up thinking I was the ugliest person ever. My bmi is healthy at 19...ive never once been underweight.

Who are you to speak for the number of us who have documented on this thread relentless bullying?

If you want to be thin, do something about it.

Yes they do. And as a fat woman myself, it usually IS from jealous fat women.

Yanbu, op. For those saying it's because people are jealous, this may sometimes be the case but on many occasions, people are actually showing their disgust and men are commenting on the desirability, or lack of, of someone's body.

For example, as a teenager, a group of nen in a van shouted out 'skinny tramp' to me. I was mortified. A former bf's middle aged male friend used to tell me to get some meat on my bones. I barely knew him, but he felt he had the right to comment on my body. I have had many such comments - yet I was slim, not dangerously so, no-one needed to make these comments.

Comments like these used to make me feel embarrassed by my body - I didn't do sport as I would have to wear a t shirt. So it can have long term effect. Am older now, and give a lot less fucks, but still have to work hard to ignore the effect of body shaming over the years.