Why is it acceptable to openly body shame thin people?

[Indharma]

I'm 5'8 and 9st 5lbs. Perfectly normal weight.

All my life, especially when I was younger and slimmer, people have felt far too comfortable commenting on and criticising my weight. "Ooh you're too skinny" "oh look, it's a skeleton" "don't you eat" "are you anorexic" etc etc.

I've noticed the people who do this are always fat and frequently on a diet. A friend of mine used to be obsessed with my weight, she'd comment on it, she'd speak to other friends behind my back about it. She was one of the greediest people I've ever met, she licked her plate clean for goodness sake. She'd tell me how unhealthy my eating was, yet I was normal weight and toned, she was overweight and on yet another cottage cheese crash diet. Hardly the picture of health.

The most recent was a teacher at DCs school acting shocked. Apparently I "looked so thin, like I'd lost weight" she looked like she'd put about 4 stone on but if I said that to her, I'd be a bitch. After three decades of this double standard, I'm absolutely sick of it. Why do they do it? Why is it seen as acceptable or important to anyone?

I've always been in the "healthy" weight zone, never classed as underweight! Had these horrible comments my whole life. Utterly hate my body, but also am terrified to put on weight because I don't want people commenting that either. It has messed with my head a lot over the years. I've also been discriminated against by doctors in the past!

It's sad to see this thread has comments making it a competition over who gets treated the worst!

I agree fat-shaming is far worse because being slim / thin is societally desirable but I hate the casual assumptions about those who are often just naturally slender: it’s not ok.*
*
It's not worse, it's the same isn't it?
If I was fat, I'd lose the weight. As I'm a normal weight I don't want to gain some to stop being skinny shamed. I'd feel slow and sluggish and my knees would hurt, I'd be risking all kinds of health issues in the future. So I have to take the shaming because of the way I am? Seems worse to me if you're racing to the bottom.

I know exactly what you mean op. I've always been naturally slim, very much so in my teens, through to early twenties. And I used to be so insecure about how slim I was. Would always have to wear baggy clothing and long sleeves/trousers, as to not show any of my super thin limbs. I longed to be curvy and "look like a real woman" which is a phrase often thrown around in the comments when a slender model, actress etc is on any sort of advertising. And I have always had people directly comment on my weight to me, in a way I know no one would ever say to someone overweight. Once a woman I barely knew, came and grabbed hold of my hips, squeezed me and said in a not very nice tone "there really is nothing to you is there?!" She was quite overweight, and I remember at the time thinking, imagine if I went up to her, squeezed her waist and said "gosh there really is so much to you isn't there?!" Just imagine how that would be perceived. It's double standards, and is not acceptable for anyone to comment on anyone else's weight, regardless of if they're overweight, underweight, or an ideal weight. Everyone has their own struggles and hurdles in life, and no one knows how their little comment can affect someone else. I grew up being called "bones", "stick girl", told.to eat burgers, told I looked I'll, and it took a huge toll on my mental health. These days, for the first time in my life I'm relatively happy with my figure, as I've grown in confidence with age. But for someone who's struggled to gain weight, it's as painful as someone who's struggled to lose weight, with the added upset of others feeling it's completely okay to comment on your appearance in a way that would not be tolerated if it were to someone overweight.

I think it depends on the tone. People think it’s okay to comment on how thin someone is, as it’s seen as a positive attribute in our society, whereas, fat is seen as negative. However, it is still rude to comment on thinness with a negative tone. Mostly, I assume people do so, because they also want to be thin. So it’s a lack of tact.

I’ve been both thin and fat. Have to admit, I was never offended by any skinny comments, but it hurts more when people make comments about being fat, as no one likes to be fat. People may not like to be skinny either, but most people would prefer to be thin, instead of fat.

Some people are just horrible OP.
But in my real life I used to always shut down people who commented on someone being too slim. But every single time it has turned out they were anorexic or bulimic or another eating disorder.
I think people who look naturally slim look a healthy weight. But there is a different look when people are trying to be slimmer than they should be naturally. And that is not as simple as actual weight versus height. It also depends on your skeletal framework. A petite framed woman can look healthy at a lower weight than a more broad shouldered sporty type of build.

@DiaNaranja Its nice that you think no one would ever say the equivalent of those things to women who are overweight. But you are very wrong. They do. All the time.

You’re friends with someone who is rude about your weight, for whim you clearly have contempt, and who actually licks plates.

Why?

5ft 8 and 9st 5lbs IS very thin? It seems underweight for your height.

I’ve been very thin 5ft 6 and lost weight very easily, my varied from 7.5 stone to 8.5 stone for years, I was a size 6-8 and hated it. My ideal weight was 9.5 stone and size ten, I worked out so had a bit of muscle.

I’m now 11 stone and hate it! 🤣So will be changing my diet after Christmas.

Just think, you are healthier and don’t let it bother you. It’s rude to comment either way and I don’t know anyone that does! Not these days.

I’ve been both fat and thin and i can say with absolute certainty fat shaming is way, way worse than thin shaming

Not really probably size 10 ish. Slim but not rake thin.

Tell them to put the fork down instead of trying to put you down!

So fat shame them instead?
Really!!!

I wonder what circles you’re associating in. I’m exactly your size, exact height and weight and yeah i’d say we’re a pretty normal healthy size. I do get the odd catty school gates mum commenting that i must spend more time at the gym than with my kids to have kept my figure (miaow) but no one saying i look too thin really, cos i don’t. My weight has dropped quite a bit in the past and then people have commented but then putting back on the weight didn’t make me unhealthy, it made me back to being healthy again.

So either you are super unlucky with the people around you, or maybe you look thinner or maybe your weight is below what you think it is and you do look unwell? Who knows. Just seems odd that if you’re normal and healthy you’d get thin shamed by multiple people. Where i know many many normal size women who have never had this experience. Extremely thin friends, yes, but not at the size you reference. So i don’t think this experience is the norm x

I’m a healthy weight now (BMI around 22 or so but I haven’t actually been weighed in a couple of years) and nobody has commented on my weight in years, thankfully. I had anorexia nervosa when I was younger and had a lot of comments. It wasn’t jealousy, it was definitely disgust. I already felt like I wanted to disappear and every comment made just made me want to eat less. Those comments ate me up for years after they were made and I would try everything to cover my body and go out as little as possible to reduce the likelihood of them happening. Nobody should be commenting on anybody else’s body. It’s never acceptable.

I was slim as a teen but in my adulthood my weight has crept up. I'm not yet obese but certainly overweight.

We (me included) should all be aiming for healthy! Healthy diet, strength and energy. Clearly, in the New Year, I will miraculously get will power and self discipline and start a fresh.

My aim is to get into the 'normal!' BMI range, be able to get up hills without getting out of breath and do some press-ups. All this by summer!

If we all aimed for healthy, fat/slim would be less of an issue.

WTF is wrong with people. no one should be body shamed in anyway at all. women especially need to build each other up not out each other down.

This with bells on!!!! My old hairdresser every time I walked in used to say I was getting too thin or was dying looking or needed to consider the impact my weight had on my health etc. one day, after about 6 years of this, I snapped and told him he looked like he had put on weight and really should consider the impact that’ll have on his health. It was absolute shock horror from everyone and I was told to apologise for being nasty. Double standards galore.

It still feels like there’s an assumption from some on this thread that ‘thin’ or ‘skinny’ necessarily equate to ‘too thin’

I would say 'slim' for a person at the lower end of the healthy range. 'Thin' means underweight to me, 'skinny' just a nasty insult.

I think it's important not to call slim healthy people thin as actual thin people do face discrimination and assumptions that they are either unwell or using drugs when for some it is just constitutional thinness, or caused by lifestyle such as running.

gigglesnort

We live in a society that perpetuates this myth that thin is good and fat is bad. When actually healthy is what matters. Overweight people are judged, ostracised considered unattractive. Thin people are judged on what they eat and for not being fat.
We also (specifically uk ) have an unhealthy attitude towards eating. We reward ourselves with sugary and salty treats. We have birthday cakes, Xmas pudding, Easter eggs, boxes of chocolate. We drink alcohol to an excess. Eating vegetables is seen as a punishment or endurance. We link food to our emotional health creating unhealthy eating habits.

It all needs a complete overhaul and our attitude to weight needs to change but it's unlikely it will.

When I was skinny most people commenting on it were complimenting me or telling me how jealous they were of me, I just get nasty comments now I'm fat.

I do wonder how some people's experiences can be so different, it must really depend on who people mix with. I have a bmi of 18 and struggle to gain weight and have not had a single person comment on my weight.

You shouldn't comment on peoples bodies at all!!

It's really out of order

Miaow!

Same here and totally agree with this. If someone is going to make knowingly rude comments about my weight then they should expect to get some right back. I never, ever comment on anyone's weight as I don't care what people weigh but if they are rude to me about being skinny then yes, they should expect rudeness back.

Don't like it?- then stop being rude to people in the first place. Its really quite simple and its not hard to not be rude to others.