Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Why is it acceptable to openly body shame thin people?

241 replies

Indharma · 23/12/2023 20:31

I'm 5'8 and 9st 5lbs. Perfectly normal weight.

All my life, especially when I was younger and slimmer, people have felt far too comfortable commenting on and criticising my weight. "Ooh you're too skinny" "oh look, it's a skeleton" "don't you eat" "are you anorexic" etc etc.

I've noticed the people who do this are always fat and frequently on a diet. A friend of mine used to be obsessed with my weight, she'd comment on it, she'd speak to other friends behind my back about it. She was one of the greediest people I've ever met, she licked her plate clean for goodness sake. She'd tell me how unhealthy my eating was, yet I was normal weight and toned, she was overweight and on yet another cottage cheese crash diet. Hardly the picture of health.

The most recent was a teacher at DCs school acting shocked. Apparently I "looked so thin, like I'd lost weight" she looked like she'd put about 4 stone on but if I said that to her, I'd be a bitch. After three decades of this double standard, I'm absolutely sick of it. Why do they do it? Why is it seen as acceptable or important to anyone?

OP posts:
LinnieM · 23/12/2023 22:49

Indharma · 23/12/2023 20:42

Always, always fat people. I've never heard a thin person mention another persons weight. Ever. Not even in private.

Show quote history

Oh yes, it’s only the fatties that comment on peoples weight isn’t it? They must seriously hate themselves

gawditswindy · 23/12/2023 22:57

I was on a train today and overheard a man behind me talking about a woman from his work. This woman was going on a cruise. He mentioned her size about 4 times in a 3 minute story. 'There's a woman at my work. Big woman. Really huge. So she was telling me she's going on a cruise. She's a really large woman..etc'. At no point was her size relevant to anything he was talking about.

updownleftrightstart · 23/12/2023 23:06

I’m hear things like that all the time, people gossiping about someone being fat for no reason and it’s horrible. But would the man talk like that to her face? Probably not, and that’s the difference

PaperDoIIs · 23/12/2023 23:06

It's not acceptable. Just like it wouldn't be acceptable for someone to tell me or that I've gained weight (again!) or whatever.

Why do they do it? Short answer... resentment.

Projectme · 23/12/2023 23:06

Cupcakekiller · 23/12/2023 22:32

Having been both fat and thin, I've had comments from both sides & you're treated far worse as a fat person in society. There's no comparison.

Yeah, same here.

Body shaming comments were worse when I was fat.

And OP, it's not right that anyone should make any comment about anyone's body shape.

Grimchmas · 23/12/2023 23:16

These sorts of threads do tend to bring out the nasty comments about overweight people for sure.

If you're slim or underweight, you will notice comments about that more than comments about people who are overweight. I am overweight, and I notice comments about overweight people or digs at my weight, and I can't remember when I last noticed a comment about skinny people. It's just what you notice vs what I notice.

AvengedQuince · 23/12/2023 23:21

updownleftrightstart · 23/12/2023 22:41

@ChangeUsername123 Medical professionals, adoption agencies and IVF providers all discriminate against thin people too.

@Cupcakekiller how thin were you can I ask? Because I have one friend with BMI 16 and one with BMI 50. People regularly start conversations out of nowhere about how friend 1 is too thin and needs to put weight on. No one has ever mentioned friend 2s weight to me

Edited

Yes, I had comments when I was at a bmi of 16 to 18, nothing at all at 24 on a small build.

glossylippsthickhips · 23/12/2023 23:23

I've been very slim in the past and was occasionally bullied for it. Now I'm obese and struggling to walk long distances- I get chronic back pain and I just don't look as nice in clothes as when you could see my waist... it's lost now under rolls of fat - I'm doing something about it now I've had a massive wake up call. My choice I'd want to be slim but healthy slim. Some slim people who can eat crap still can develop fat around their organs etc which obviously is not a good thing to put your body through.

PersephonePomegranate23 · 23/12/2023 23:26

That's bloody rude, but I agree, it's envy.

I'm similar to you - 5'10 and my weight fluctuates naturally between 9st 5 and 9st 8 - no-one has ever commented negatively but it's occurred to me I don't know many people who are insecure.

And that's what it boils down to; sometimes people who feel shit about themselves try to make others feel shit about themselves. It's a terrible personality trait.

Back21970 · 23/12/2023 23:32

If you comment on a fat persons weight or what they eat you will be perceived as being a bitch.

But yes, a fat person can call someone thinner ‘Skinny Minnie’ etc and ask if you actually ever eat 🤣

Your weight seems ideal to me - I can’t imagine comments are anything other than a bit of jealousy rather than actual concern for your well-being.

Ignore them, don’t stoop to that level.

SandboxSalsa · 23/12/2023 23:52

It still feels like there’s an assumption from some on this thread that ‘thin’ or ‘skinny’ necessarily equate to ‘too thin’. Obviously sometimes - but it feels like there are lots of people on this thread who are a perfectly normal weight, just at the low end of it, eat fine, lots of energy, and still just have people assume - sometimes to their face - that they are unhealthy or have an eating disorder.

I agree fat-shaming is far worse because being slim / thin is societally desirable but I hate the casual assumptions about those who are often just naturally slender: it’s not ok.

TravChief · 24/12/2023 00:08

My stepmother is obese. She had made comments in the past to me about me being not normal as her weight is apparently the ‘normal British woman’ now. In essence she tries to normalise her fatness by saying I am too thin. I’m really not. I’m 5ft3 and 9.5 stone i.e. not on the skinny side but just within BMI for healthy. Her attitude is pathetic.

WhyMeWhyNowWhyNot · 24/12/2023 00:13

As someone who is currently fat (work in progress 😢) but has been very slim I have to laugh at the idea our weight isn’t commented on. What absolute bollocks. The thing is I’d never share those anecdotes because they humiliate me whereas if someone had made a comment when I was then I would have shared it.

Life is far far easier being slim - don’t ever kid yourself otherwise.

Orangeandgold · 24/12/2023 00:28

I’m not thin - average shape I would say - usually being told by everyone else that I don’t need to exercise before I waste away.

But my DD has always been slim. She is now a tween and the first person to body shame her was her dad. Constantly saying that she needs to eat and you can see her bones and even went as far to buy this powder that one of his aunties used and mixed in food (sadly the aunties child has had issues loosing weight and is bigger than she wants to be as an adult).

I was constantly telling him to stop. As my DD ate her food. Was healthy. Also he was a slim guy and so if it’s inherited then it probably came from him!!

It was so important for me that she didn’t hear these comments. I noticed people feel the need to openly comment on slim people without considering the fact that some people are built that way.

ElevenSeven · 24/12/2023 00:34

Oblomov23 · 23/12/2023 20:52

Some people are underweight and you don't have to be fat to know what underweight looks like.

You don’t need to tell people about themselves though, thin, fat or anything in the middle.

ChristmasSteps295 · 24/12/2023 00:36

brawnthesheep · 23/12/2023 20:47

If I wanted to put on four stone in a short period, outside of illness or the side effects of medication, I'd have to eat a ridiculous amount.

So yes, it actually is greedy to eat that much.

thats the same mentality that thinks a skinny person just needs to eat cake.

I wouldn't say it to someone's face, like people think it's acceptable to say to me that I'm anorexic, or need a burger, or that men don't like bones, or that I look skeletal, or emaciated, or if I put on half a stone tell me oh you look so much better now, or assume that I have no problems in life because I can fit in a size eight, or give me side eye, and so on and so on and so on.

But yes, if you want to know my actual opinion, I don't see any way of gaining that much weight without overeating. Obviously putting aside medical conditions and the effect of medication, as I said.

Do we genuinely need to deny that eating too much makes you gain weight now?

Autumnleavefall · 24/12/2023 00:50

People think its acceptable because being slim is the revered beauty standard here, but I agree it's horrible OP and just as people are rightly seen as inappropriate and rude to comment on how fat someone is, same should be true for us. I'm tall as well and had all sorts of nasty and disgusting things said to me growing up, no doubt to try and break my (non existent anyway) confidence. Bean pole, skeletor, real women have curves dogs like bones, eat a burger/sandwich, you'll snap if you're not careful, watch you don't blow away, I even got an ironing board one year on my bday as if having a flat chest is a crime. Always overweight people who comment too, and it didn't give me much comfort when I was driven to feeling suicidal to think ah they're just jealous so it's fine. I hated my body but was always dismissed and told how dare I because its the beauty standard- but its not. Models who have specific proportions, stunning faces and who are invariably airbrushed are the beauty standard which isn't obtainable to most.

Autumnleavefall · 24/12/2023 00:51

Do we genuinely need to deny that eating too much makes you gain weight now?

Yes. People have no issue commenting on what they assume slim people eat though.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 24/12/2023 00:53

What a problem to have 🙄

glossylippsthickhips · 24/12/2023 00:57

This was me many years ago before kids, but would anyone consider that being thin?

Why is it acceptable to openly body shame thin people?
brawnthesheep · 24/12/2023 01:02

Do we genuinely need to deny that eating too much makes you gain weight now?

who is denying that? I replied a post about greed…

Tessisme · 24/12/2023 01:04

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 24/12/2023 00:53

What a problem to have 🙄

I'm guessing it's not something you have to worry about🙄

ChristmasSteps295 · 24/12/2023 01:09

brawnthesheep · 24/12/2023 01:02

Do we genuinely need to deny that eating too much makes you gain weight now?

who is denying that? I replied a post about greed…

Overconsumption is greed. No one needs to have eaten fifty six pounds worth of excess food.

ShittingPeugeot · 24/12/2023 01:19

brawnthesheep · 23/12/2023 21:49

but thin people are not being discriminated by society in the same way fat people are.

Yes it’s a bit like white privilege which many also deny!

What a fucking ridiculous comment.

Stop projecting.

ShittingPeugeot · 24/12/2023 01:21

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 24/12/2023 00:53

What a problem to have 🙄

Being berated and bullied all through childhood and teens for being anorexic? Having to eat your school lunch in a toilet cubicle because people stare?

Yeah, what a problem to have. A problem you probably wish to have.