Why is it acceptable to openly body shame thin people?

[Indharma]

I'm 5'8 and 9st 5lbs. Perfectly normal weight.

All my life, especially when I was younger and slimmer, people have felt far too comfortable commenting on and criticising my weight. "Ooh you're too skinny" "oh look, it's a skeleton" "don't you eat" "are you anorexic" etc etc.

I've noticed the people who do this are always fat and frequently on a diet. A friend of mine used to be obsessed with my weight, she'd comment on it, she'd speak to other friends behind my back about it. She was one of the greediest people I've ever met, she licked her plate clean for goodness sake. She'd tell me how unhealthy my eating was, yet I was normal weight and toned, she was overweight and on yet another cottage cheese crash diet. Hardly the picture of health.

The most recent was a teacher at DCs school acting shocked. Apparently I "looked so thin, like I'd lost weight" she looked like she'd put about 4 stone on but if I said that to her, I'd be a bitch. After three decades of this double standard, I'm absolutely sick of it. Why do they do it? Why is it seen as acceptable or important to anyone?

This used to be a massive issue for me until I got to about 35.. I'd always been slim, around 7stone 7lb. I actually joined a gym in the end to build muscle so I put in a bit of weight. All too often I was referred to as the skinny one. 'Oh wow look at your arms you're so thin' it hurt a lot and I never wore a short sleeved t-shirt or vest top because of it. Skirts were all a no! I ate well and never put on a pound, it was just the way I was.. my sister in particular was very cruel. When I stated going to the gym my weight increased and I filled out a bit. She was quick to judge and say if that's what the gym does to you I'm never going. Needless to say these unkind comments were all jealousy in hindsight! I actually started retaliating when people said 'god you're so thin' in return I'd say wow look at your chubby cheeks.. look at your fat arse.. and so on. Bizarrely it was never well received but the comments did stop. I had children and grew in size 😆 I'd give anything to be back to that weight.. hey ho

To be fair, there are some pretty horrible and judgmental comments on this thread from seemingly slender posters

Oh, I think skinny-shaming is horrible and people can quite legitimately be told robustly where to go. I have a friend who was quite badly affected growing up. And I’m sorry you experience it. I’m not suggesting in any way you have to ‘take the shaming’ or should try to change.

I think it's envy
I was very slim when I was younger ( not so much now thanks to middle age)
I was very fit and sporty.
Had lots of snippy comments as you say from overweight people. I would never have said comments to them about your weight.
The ' body positivity' culture today is concerning, where obesity is applauded.
Being fat is unhealthy and that is starting to show in NHS statistics.
I'd rather be slim than overweight.
I'd just ignore the bitching OP, you'll be the one benefiting from good health in later years.

I had comments at a bmi of 16 to 18 but that was not my natural weight, I naturally sit at around 21. A bmi of 18 can look healthy on some people.

I agree it's envy, but that doesn't excuse rudeness. I think telling you you're "slim" would generally be meant as a compliment, whereas saying you're "skinny", "skeletal", "skin and bones" etc are gradually more rude. Though again may not be intended as such - I had an aunt who would always say things like "look at you, you're just skin and bones!" but she was intending it as a compliment (yes, she was overweight!).

There's no need to descend to their level, just reply pleasantly "yes, I've always been fortunate not to have to worry about my weight". Stress on the "my" and a head tilt is optional

Stop it, OP.

No one body shames or insults slim/thin people.

Your height and weight are aspirational and well you know it!

Absolutely no one is criticising your weight.

This thread is just an excuse to have a go at all those jealous fat women mentioned on here.

I was relentlessly bullied for being too thin.
Total strangers would come up to me and say I looked disgusting.
My gran used to tell me that skinny people were sad, horrible and mean, and no one liked them, and that plump people were jolly and friendly. Oh and that if I got a serious illness I would die more quickly than someone with fat reserves. I was 10.

I used to try to basically force feed myself to put on weight, and to prove to people I did eat! To no avail - my metabolism was just fast.

It’s not ok for people to make comments, no matter whether someone’s large, small, or whatever.

It's not acceptable and it's shit you have to deal with this

You've just body shamed fat people. Are your set of rules
and morals better than theirs because you're so "perfect".

Wow you are as rude about larger people. Doesn't bother me what people look like it's how there personality it I like!

I agree with this. My BMI is just under 18 now and I don’t get many comments and certainly nothing that I’d class as horrible. I look slim but not skinny and I definitely don’t look unhealthy.
It was completely different when my BMI was under 16 and I think a lot of the people here saying they never get these comments and are slim just aren’t slim enough to have to deal with these rude people

Well I’ve been both thin and fat. I got many more body shaming comments as a thin female teen and adult in my 20s. Including from complete strangers. My eldest DD who has a similar figure has paid a PT and bulked up as she was so sick of the comments.

When I was fat, the only person who criticised my weight was my mother; she was literally unable to say a sentence without the word ‘fat’ in it.

BTW in many cases being fat has little to do with being greedy. I have one 5ft 3 DD who eats loads including carbs and a 5ft 10 DD who eats less but is fatter.

Well I’ve been both thin and fat. I got many more body shaming comments as a thin female teen and adult in my 20s

Same. I've been both. Got far more comments when I was thin. I'm 5'10" and always been slim. Had loads of "wow are you anorexic?", "why are your legs like twigs", "are you ill?" "men don't like that you know- they like curves" etc.

After I got pregnant I put on loads of weight and struggled to lose it due to hormonal imbalances, noone said anything to me.

Now I'm back to my "usual" weight I still get people commenting. So, sorry but people absolutely do shame people for being too skinny and anyone who says they don't is lying or is quite ignorant.

No one should be commenting on your weight, it's rude. It's no better than fat shaming, which your OP reeks of itself. Any kind of shaming is unkind.

We're a nation of fat people that's why

I have found this as well I am naturally very skinny I eat load though and get told I need to eat more burgers to put some meat on my bones etc sometimes by strangers when working in retail I just laughed it off an said I eat loads but have hollow legs. But I doubt people would comment if I was overweight because that is deemed rude and body shaming

In the end, it all boils down to this. Why on earth does anyone feel the need to comment on another person's body? Even when I know someone is on a diet and trying to lose weight I still wouldn't say 'Wow, you've lost so much weight'. If they bring it up and it's obvious they want their effort acknowledged, then I would say something positive about how great they look, but never, ever unsolicited. To anyone. It's just incredibly rude.

What's good for the goose...

Literally nobody here is saying you should suck it up. They're merely pointing out that fat shaming still very much exists (as a response to you implying it is more taboo than skinny shaming) and that even though nobody should be shamed for their body, many women of all sizes often still experience it.

Yes it is more socially acceptable to be slim but it’s quite rare for someone to go up to a fat person and say “ugh you’re so disgusting look at all your flab, what’s wrong with you!” If anything most people are scared to say anything.

Whereas slim people do get this. My very slim friend was told she looked like a skeleton, her arms were ‘gross’ and no man would like her. Seriously.

STOP COMMENTING ON WOMEN’S BODIES! Same goes when they’re pregnant but slightly different thread.

I do wish doctors would speak to underweight people as much as overweight people though. My very anorexic friend kept going to the doctors scared to mention her ED out loud but also knowing she had a problem. Doctors never said a word.

My overweight friends are told that everything is down to their weight.

You completely missed my point 🙄

It appears the OP can be downright rude about fat people but God forbid anyone comments on her being scrawny.

The OP is pointing out that if she said the equivalent about overweight people or those living with obesity then it would be seen ss incredibly rude and nasty. She is not actually saying these things out loud to people like they are to her.

I'm not saying anything to anyone's face or even about anyone on this thread.

Whereas people think it's absolutely fine to make comments about your weight to your face as long as it's telling you you look scrawny and need to eat more. And this is completely socially acceptable and even seen as a good thing because it's supposedly supportive to bigger women. "Men want meat, dogs want a bone," or "This (picture of bigger woman) is more attractive than THIS (picture of thin woman)", for example.

And yet if I even say on a forum that eating thousands upon thousands more calories than you need might be overeating and a bit greedy, I get jumped on?

Do you see the double standard?