Why is it acceptable to openly body shame thin people?

[Indharma]

I'm 5'8 and 9st 5lbs. Perfectly normal weight.

All my life, especially when I was younger and slimmer, people have felt far too comfortable commenting on and criticising my weight. "Ooh you're too skinny" "oh look, it's a skeleton" "don't you eat" "are you anorexic" etc etc.

I've noticed the people who do this are always fat and frequently on a diet. A friend of mine used to be obsessed with my weight, she'd comment on it, she'd speak to other friends behind my back about it. She was one of the greediest people I've ever met, she licked her plate clean for goodness sake. She'd tell me how unhealthy my eating was, yet I was normal weight and toned, she was overweight and on yet another cottage cheese crash diet. Hardly the picture of health.

The most recent was a teacher at DCs school acting shocked. Apparently I "looked so thin, like I'd lost weight" she looked like she'd put about 4 stone on but if I said that to her, I'd be a bitch. After three decades of this double standard, I'm absolutely sick of it. Why do they do it? Why is it seen as acceptable or important to anyone?

Well, usually, that's why people are overweight. Because they eat too much and are greedy with food.

I can confirm that it does actually achieve something. I was picked on most of my life over my weight. I would call people out on it all the time but it never stopped and never made a difference. Then I started giving back as good as I got and pretty quickly the horrible comments stopped.
People know it’s rude. Telling them what they already know isn’t going to make them stop

Problem is the thinness can be caused by illness too.
I’m losing weight again and I want to cry because of it. If someone mentioned I’d lost weight or I was too thin I don’t think I’d be able to keep my composure and they’d get ugly crying suddenly.
You’re not meant to be getting thinner in your 40s. Everyone is talking about perimenopause weight gain and I feel so left out and it makes me feel even worse about the weight loss.

I've been both underweight and overweight in my life... now I'm in the middle.

When I was very slender people had a lot to say about it, incessantly, also I felt very self-conscious about things like being flat chested.

When I gained weight through illness later in life it was horrific and I felt terrible and heavy and sluggish and tired all the time but nobody said anything. I got really big. Some weirdos even tried to persuade me I hadn't gained weight at all.

As long as you're fit and healthy and mobile and have energy is what matters the most IMO.

@Newsenmum proves my point though that it’s seen as a positive. I was underweight at my wedding (lose weight when stressed & it was the first time i exercised in years), I had so many “compliments” leading up to it. Only my dad was like you need to eat more, you look drawn etc which is ironic as he’s very skinny!

I lost about two stone very suddenly through illness a few years ago, and haven't been able to put it back on. I am definitely far too thin for my frame, and it doesn't suit me at all.
I get comments all the bloody time - the best one being at the wake after my dad's funeral 'I'm so shocked, you look terrible!' They literally put their hand around my upper arm to make their point. Oh great, thanks. That's really helpful - and such diplomatic timing too. Imagine if I'd done that to someone who was overweight in the same circumstances?

Sometimes trying to put weight on is just as hard as trying to lose it. People just say eat more and it’s not that simple. Just the same as saying to someone eat less, not that simple either.

And yet so many on this thread think fat people are simply greedy.

I‘m not sure this is always true.

It’s amazing how many people think they can diagnose ‘the underweight’ without any thought or care.

My ribs are pretty easy to count and my hip bones jut out - but I have a bum, limbs with enough fat and plenty of muscle. My relationship with food is also totally fine. My BMI is fine. And yet I still get the odd person thinking it’s ok to weigh in and tell me I’m too thin. I don’t find it offensive as such but it’s very annoying!

It's not acceptable but if you think people don't constantly make inappropriate comments to overweight people why would there be such a thing as 'fat shaming'? People (in general) don't like what's different to them and some rude people will go so far as to comment, eh there's it be to people larger or smaller. Or red haired. Or whatever.

@Indharma fat people are routinely denied proper medical care, are paid less and miss out in job opportunities. Just as a start. Surveys show people think of them less intelligent worse parents. Show me the evidence for thin stigma impacting this way. If that evidence doesn't exist because no one has looked into it or created it ask why. It's because the stigma isn't happening to that level.

That's how I know.

Problem is the thinness can be caused by illness too. I’m losing weight again and I want to cry because of it. If someone mentioned I’d lost weight or I was too thin I don’t think I’d be able to keep my composure and they’d get ugly crying suddenly.

I think it can be quite confusing. I had a colleague who complained no one mentioned her weight loss & she was really upset about it. Personally I thought she might be ill so thought definitely inappropriate.

Im with you Op. I’ve had this my entire life, skinny shaming is a real thing. I’ve never commented on anybody’s appearance, only in a positive way ,yet I’ve been called skinny, boney , anorexic, and pretty much everything else.One time at work some girl even said to me , Oh I didn’t expect you to be so nice, because you so thin! What exactly do you say to that? Like all slim people are horrible?

I've had comments like that. There's such a weird glee in them, the "just you wait!" tone.

I’m a Very similar size to you OP (5’10 and 9 stone 10) and get comments all the time , always have. It can feel very intrusive and people think they can ask what I eat and am I ok etc and In such a critical way

I used to get it a lot. ‘You need some meat on your bones’, ‘you look I’ll’, ‘are you anorexic’.

As horrible as it was I never resorted to speaking the way that you do in the rest of your op and replies.

It’s more socially acceptable to comment on a thin person’s weight than an overweight one. People do it all the time, constantly, to your face and question you and what you eat.
I know fat shaming is rampant but I bet you could count the times on one hand that someone came to you and said. “Ughhh you are so fat, it’s disgusting, it doesn’t look good you know, are you an overeater and then put their hands around your waist or wrist and comment again how horrible it is. I could not count the times this happened to me, it was very hurtful and humiliating and it affected my confidence. I absolutely hated being so skinny, I tried Ensure drinks, weight on tablets, everything I could think of. I knew I was too thin, I didn’t need it pointed out to me every day. People should just shut their mouths about other people’s bodies.

I've often heard stories of underweight people being assumed to be drug addicts. I think it's just that the percentage of underweight people in the UK is very low, while the percentage of overweight people and people living with obesity is high. There are fewer thin people to be impacted.

Are you a health care professional?

I hear you. 5'6 and 8 stone - have been told to 'eat more cake' and asked if I have an ED.

Stop being such a knob. Quite simple.

All my life. Now DD (15).

It makes me so angry.

Skinny people also need to build themselves up for medical treatment the same as larger people need to lose weight.

What surveys? Surveys are pretty one sided. I know a lot of bad parents. Sometimes they are fat/overweight but I never considered it until now.

used to think, you wouldn't go up to a fat person and say "you're fat you need to lose weight." It doesn't make a difference to a slim person it still hurts, just because they're slim doesn't mean they're happy.

Your right. They wouldn't go up to a fat person and say that. In my ( frequent) experience they stay within earshot and utter expressions like...just look at the size of her....that's so disgusting to let yourself go like that...I wouldn't shag that no matter how drunk I got...I'd hate you to end up like that darling, that's why we don't eat sweeties ( to her young daughter)..and on, and on.
In my opinion, if you can't say something nice to say to someone, say nothing. Maybe some day more people will agree. Just try to feel comfortable in your own skin x

Noone should be commenting on any body that isn't their own would be my feeling on it.

Had it all my life too.
It’s mainly been from other women, they seem to think they can say what they want to a slim woman because fat shaming is acknowledged but slim shaming not so much.
I wouldn’t dream on commenting on anyones figure, slim, overweight or other. Not quite sure why people think it’s ok to be so vocal to slimmer people.