Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

[Resentedpumpkin]

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

Do you report these times and then your time sheet adjusted so that your pay reflects this?

I meant that it must be horrible for op to feel this way every day, in the long run it must better to find a job more suitable. If your job includes having meetings etc and you can’t do it, then of course there are other jobs that would be more suitable too.

Agree it's not a good solution and you might be better having more time off with a phased return to work in blocks of time that don't have you leaving your work whenever you feel like it.

A colleague not doing their job is worse than no colleague. It looks like they have enough staff but they don't.

Not being able to take calls and meetings is not fair on everyone else.

I am living the situation you have described. My colleague may even be on a slightly higher rate than me but I am a much more skilled professional and am constantly having to point things out and generally get 'oh I made that serious error because of my xxxx'. 'Oh I have a real problem with [basic, fundamental part of the job] because of my xxxxx'.

It depletes morale in the team because everyone else is trying so hard to do a really good job; this is our passion. Meanwhile our colleague doesn't pull her weight and just shrugs her shoulders when confronted because neurodiverse.

I am sure that there are so many neurodiverse people who are able to be really productive and their thinking styles are fantastic resources to the team, but not this one.

One of my siblings is autistic and I've grown up with it, and my work overlaps with a lot of SEND issues, so it's not like I'm stuck in the 40s and am ignorant to the issues. I've just never been in the place of the colleague who spends her days putting out fires caused by someone who struggles to do the job because of her neurodivergence.

I agree wholeheartedly that people should have support to do their job , but only if it actually enables them to do the job with the same output as colleagues being paid the same.

Lots of people, particularly those over the age of 30-40 when there wasn't the same conversations when they were teenagers, have undiagnosed (but strongly suspected) struggles of the ASD and ADHD kind. However, they've learned to juggle things to cope with work and society because they had to.

So, in terms of just the ASD and ADHD, yeh I'd resent you a bit. I'd understand why you feel you need those allowances, but, I'd also function much better with those allowances, particularly the ability to have stress breaks to down regulate.

But having said that, I guess more people should push for diagnosis rather than taking away what people who HAVE been diagnosed need.

The ME though - I have no opinion or experience of that so if you had a flare up and needed these allowances just for that, I'd sympathise and say to do what you need.

Are you an occupational health physician???!!!!

Seems to be an influx of them on this thread ffs.

The adjustment will have been professionally recommended, and agreed by management in discussion with the OP.

Can some of you posters please remember that there is a human being behind this post, with real, difficult health conditions, and maybe try and be a bit kind in your remarks????!!!

It sounds as if this is a temporary situation as they have worked there 4 years with no issues. Why shouldn't they get the support they need so they can continue in their job?

I can’t imagine even noticing!

as others have said, reasonable adjustments are there to ensure you can deliver. If you are still delivering then why would anyone care?

sorry you have had such a rough time

But they don't!!! They can also ask for RAs!!

Nasty comment.

I don't think anyone has a blanket problem with reasonable adjustments for people with disabilities. Of course people with diagnosed disabilities should continue to work and of course employers should look for ways to facilitate that. But in any job there is a tipping point where the level of adjustments required means that the employee just can't function in the job any more.

That's what people mean when they are suggesting that the OP gets another job. If there is a lot of your workload which you can't do, then it's better all round that you look for another job. The person with the disability won't be so stressed and upset by work if they get another job which is not pushing their buttons and making life difficult.

This thread is bloody typical of MN - ableist shite.

OP I absolutely wouldn't resent you, I'd feel sorry for you and want to know if I could do anything else to help you manage. Most ppl I work with would feel the same, because we're not pricks.

Wtf?! You think OP has 'decided' to have a disability? Oh, yes babies just 'decide' to be born with ASD or ADHD!! What a nasty attitude!

Is it possible to tell us what job you do?

I'd be extremely resentful of this yes.

It's not 'special treatment' it's reasonable adjustments. It's not better for everyone with disabilities to get on with it whilst silently struggling or else work less/ resign, that's why these changes were made to the law. Getting a diagnosis and asking for workplace support from your employer isn't 'making a fuss' it's the best way to handle these difficulties to stay in work. Some really ignorant, prejudiced attitudes on this thread.

I don't think anybody can 100% be certain that they wouldn't 'resent' anybody else struggling. Avoid discriminatory remarks, yes. Zero resentment? Depends on the environment.

If your team was constantly being held to unrealistic targets and berated for not meeting them you would definitely be resentful. Of course, your anger is targeted at the wrong person. Buck stops with management. But people in those kind of environments are already stressed , their ability to be calm and rational is probably shot. I wouldn't claim that they are happy, healthy and able to carry someone else themselves.

At the end of the day if a team member needs support the entire team in turn should be supported. What I often see is that management don't actually WANT the disabled person there. The 'adjustment' is only there to prevent them from being sued. In reality, they hope resentment grows in the team making the atmosphere so unpleasant that the disabled person leaves of their own accord. It's done by design.

As a short term reasonable adjustment to support you back into the workplace this is absolutely reasonable. If colleagues are describing it as privilege when it is a disability adjustment then that’s discrimination and your manager/HR should have a word with them. Don’t feel pushed into dropping your hours just now, see how the 8 weeks go and then review. You are doing nothing wrong here and your colleagues would be advised to be careful before they find themselves in trouble.

So it’s a back to work plan, rather than permanent. I think I would be fine with that, especially if it were explained to me the reasons for your breaks (although I appreciate this is tricky without disclosing your medical details).

However, if it looked like you were abusing the plan then I would be less happy. Also, if it impacted greatly on others due to having lots of breaks, then I’d conclude you weren’t ready to return. In many ways, it’s no different to having a phased return, ie working half days initially.

Reasonable adjustments to my role. They aren't handed out as a reward or privilege.

People who don't have reasonable adjustments don't have them because they aren't having to live there.

Anyone that resents someone having reasonable adjustments seriously needs to have a word.

I understand how it might be frustrating if people have to pick up extra work. But your managers need to look at this if it's the case.

Absolutely staggering that people are on here saying you shouldn't do the job if you're not fit and they would resent you. I wonder if they'd take such a dick head perspective if they became suddenly disabled.

I meant I thought the OP was 'deciding' not to talk sometimes as i thought that's what selective mutism was. I've apologised to the OP.

But not all of us want to do this, because we have grown up with the idea that you just get on with it and don't make a fuss - not least because the more you make it about 'me, me, me', the more other people have to pick up your slack.

This probably applies more to people of my age (50) than younger people, though I've brought my children up the same way, all of whom are ND.

Yes it’s meant to help me get back to how I was before . Yesterday I think was a blip. It’s not long term

I would be resentful op if you were taking home full pay home for half a shift. You are in the wrong job if it’s causing you this much stress that you need to be away from it half the day. Before anyone screams ‘ableist’ , I have a medical issue that disqualifies me from certain roles but I don’t expect the world to work around me, I found a role that was a fit for me and my employer. If this was a temporary thing such as recovering from an operation I wouldn’t hesitate to pick up the slack but your conditions are ongoing. You need to make some time up or find another role or resentment will breed.