Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

[Resentedpumpkin]

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

My daughter has selective mutism, it's not a choice it's a subconscious fear response often associated with neurodiversity almost like a phobia reaction. It's often called situational mutism as it's not selective as in choosing consciously not to speak. It's a really upsetting, disabling and misunderstood condition that deserves support and understanding if we want to have people with asd and adhd in the workplace then reasonable adjustments are there to support with that.

Adjustments for your disability are between you and your line manager - others should not be getting involved.

You need to imprint upon yourself that you don't care what they think. Your employer is offering you reasonable adjustments to see if you can get back to work. That's all your colleagues need to know, all you need say.

Practice on the numpties here. Don't explain it even try to defend yourself just work out a few stick sentences you feel comfortable with

I'm hardened to the Negative Nellie's and would go with

"You need to mind your own business. Maybe talk to your line manager. I will be."

But you may feel more comfortable with something else.

Like I said. Practice on the pillocks posting here. They've got to be useful for something 😁

I think I'd be a bit irritated. What do you mean "when it all gets a bit too much" ?

OP I’m kind of hoping you’ve left this thread because I can only imagine how much it must be adding to your stress.

If you’re still reading, can I suggest that you raise this issue with management because trying to navigate this social maelstrom is directly impacting your capacity at this time.

If you were NT I’d suggest logging the comments, but I know that it is probably a massive energy depletion, and possibly creating spirals of anxious thoughts as well.

It is understandable that people are resentful because most people are, but that’s not actually your concern or your issue to solve. Being managed out of job by bitchy comments is a very serious matter. Raise it with management. If it is not addressed by your management and it is creating an unfavourable environment, you could consider taking it further (to HR, union etc) but that’s further down the road so try to bring yourself back to the here and now.

You sound conscientious, empathetic and considerate - exactly the type of colleague I’d be happy to help out.

Fellow ASD, ADHD and auto immune sufferer here. If I were you, Im afraid I would be thinking that the job is incompatible with you and that you need to change jobs.
I would not expect my work colleagues to put up with me having those privileges, because I would feel it is unfair.

People having more breaks than others but being paid the same or not keeping up with the rest is bound to cause problems eventually. I can see why if you’re being paid for 2 hours you haven’t actually worked and not made it up, as awful as it sounds to say that.

And I assume she’s asking an anonymous forum for frank replies. Which she’s getting.

I would acknowledge that you are within your rights to have reasonable adjustments made, but absolutely I would resent if it your absences made my work more difficult, and/or increased my workload over a medium to longterm period. The colleagues I’ve worked with who were dealing with illness or disabilities made an enormous effort to ensure their adjustments did not have a negative impact on others they worked with.

This.

It's appalling that people are making snidey comments about a reasonable adjustment made for a colleague because of a disability or health condition.

That sort of behaviour would not be tolerated where I work.

I can't tell you what I actually think of you because I'd get banned, but trust me, it's not positive!!

Shocking.

She needs to find out if she can manage and her colleagues aren't helping with this stupidity.

It should be her decision not a reaction to the self absorbed and clueless.

Some of the responses here are absolutely mad. "I know the law is on your side but..."!!! How childish can you get?

Wouldn’t you all prefer someone to be at work and doing a bit of work, rather than off completely and doing no work at all? Surely that would be impacting your workloads more?!

I would imagine they would prefer that their management hired extra cover, to ensure any gaps in the workload due to reasonable adjustments are not just expected to be covered by the existing members of the team, in addition to their own workload.

This is where the resentment creeps in (not saying this is the OP’s situation, just a general issue).

It’s is not okay for able-bodied people to take home the same pay as disabled people for more work. Able-bodied Peter shouldn’t do twice the work of disabled Paul and be paid the same amount. Peter should be paid more. Or, Paul should be paid less. Paul should also be entitled to social security, funded by the taxpayer, to make up the shortfall.

It’s not Paul’s fault he’s disabled, and he needs just as much (if not more) income as Peter to live. However, the burden of that shouldn’t fall on Peter’s shoulders.

Of course, that’s overly simplistic and in reality it’s the employer who’s milking it off Peter’s efforts. But the question was about resentment, and this is why that happens.

Of course you are not being unreasonable but it’s one of those situations where I can see both sides. Your medical history has probably been kept confidential and the team has probably had a vague statement of “X will need to take breaks at regular intervals to support her return to work” so they may not know that you are suffering from autistic burnout and selective mutism. It’s an invisible disability and presents differently from person to person which may make it difficult for colleagues to really empathise with your situation, even if they think they understand autism as it’s such a wide spectrum.

On top of this, it sounds as though your manager thinks this is a short term adjustment and therefore won’t have put in place any long term plans to support this so it’s very likely your colleagues will be picking up your work on top of their own. So I can see why they would have some resentment if their lives are being negatively affected by it.

My only experience of something similar with colleagues was with my first pregnancy which had a lot of complications. My colleagues covered my work when I was at my antenatal/hospital appointments but it meant they had to stay late to catch up on their work as they couldn’t do both at the same time. I ended up working from the hospital waiting room I felt so guilty. My colleagues never said anything but I definitely felt the atmosphere around me.

I think it’ll get easier at your review when you discuss whether this needs to be a long term adjustment in which case management can put forward a proper plan to hopefully ease any burden your colleagues are dealing with. Please try not to worry though, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Honestly, it just sounds like a reasonable adjustment that has been poorly-managed.

You shouldn't be receiving snarky comments. If your team have an issue with it or are concerned with how this impacts their workload/stress-they need to leave you out of it and talk with their manager.

Depending on the role, I can understand how some colleagues may become resentful if someone taking extra extended breaks meant I had to do extra work and it increased my stress.

If your work is "self-contained" i.e., you have a caseload that you alone have to work and are able to manage it with taking the additional breaks-fine. I can't see why that would be an issue.

However, if your additional breaks meant someone else had to pick up your slack or their work is dependent on you doing yours and they're having to wait extra for you (which push back their ability to meet any targets/deadlines) then I can absolutely understand how your colleagues may be feeling.

Either way-this is for your manager to sort-not you. A reasonable adjustment is there to enable people with additional needs-permanent or temporary-to function at the same level as everyone else. It's not a privilege and it's not fair of your colleagues to openly make sarcastic remarks to you.

However, a reasonable adjustment may not be reasonable if it negatively impacts the business, the customer or the team. That's what needs to be addressed-is the team negatively impacted by the repeated additional breaks and if so, how can this be mitigated?

For example, if you're taking an additional hour break per day-that's 5 hours lost per week-would there be a way to make that up, either in short chunks a day spread across the week?

In the end-if your need of additional breaks is increasing-rather than decreasing or remaining stable-are they working? Or, would you be better off going to a doctor and being signed off for a period of time? I know that may seem counterintuitive- but it's always better to take the time that you actually need to get better than it is to force yourself in and make yourself worse (and potentially increase the chances of a relapse-for want of a better word).

Have a discussion with your manager. Mention the snide comments and be open and honest about how things are going for you.

This times a billion.

Why are so many people so selfish and self-absorbed? Those of you saying you would resent OP - I hear you pathetically whining "but what about me?"

I hope you give thanks every day that you are fit and well and neurotypical.

Oh do fuck off.

It is no more or less disruptive than someone who fucks off to chat to their mates for 10 minutes every half hour, or goes for a 15 minute fag break or a coffee making run.

@Resentedpumpkin ignore your colleagues they are just being dicks. If OH and your management have done this as an adjustment to get you back to work then it is absolutely fine and I would be reporting any foul comments. It is no different to a phased return, and probably far less disruptive and disjointed for all involved.

Hope it helps and you find yourself better able to cope.

I think I’d be exactly the same over time, especially if I had to work pick up the slack in work which OP can’t do. And also if managers expected OP’s colleagues to cover work she hasn’t done and aren’t looking at a long term option.

The review with the company seems to be working out if it works with OP and her manager or maybe if they need to consider an additional employee to cover extra work.

I do understand reasonable adjustments and it really does come down to the manager and also the wider company and their HR to consider long term what to do. OP, could you be transferred to another role within the company which was less demanding and could accommodate your reasonable adjustments?

How do you know that all the commentors are neurotypical? I have ADHD (also suspected autistic but couldn't afford that dx). Married to an autistic man and managed many many disabled people over the course of my working life, also my industry has a higher than average amount of disabled staff including a lot of ND people.

OP your question isn't 'are my colleagues cruel' their remarks are cruel and bullying. That's for certain.

But, are they U for being resentful (which is a separate question from whether they voice it or not)? Not if you're impacting their work.

The fault here lies with none of you, but your management.
If your breaks aren't impacting anybody else's work your colleagues are plain bullies. If however their work is impacted then management should take steps to minimise impact on them. Hire a temp, reduce their workload, whatever.

While it's not OK for them to snidely comment on your adjustments it's also not OK for your work to be dumped onto them. For all you know, some of them might be disabled themselves.

This really isn't about 'NT' vs 'ND'.

Op I'm sorry for your illness but they are running a business and it doesn't seem that they are really trying to help but they would probably want a staff member that is fit and able to do the job. Have you thought of changing jobs to one more suited . If this was our company staff I'd be seriously annoyed regardless of whether you can help it or not .

So 4 periods of time out in an 8 hour shift - about the same as the selfish people who used to be allowed smoking breaks back in the day (are they still allowed?) but your breaks are for unavoidable reasons.

Hardly (as the first comment said) "up and down like a jack in the box" - why do people go so OTT with comments sometimes, makes them look so stupid.

Do you use these times to go to the loo? Have a drink? If so I cant see you are using much extra time than the others going to the loo/drinks/chat with colleagues etc.

I have never seen that amount of breaks be considered a reasonable adjustment. We have implemented breaks for people in a similar situation in the past but never unlimited. Employers don't have to bend over backwards, adjustments must be reasonable for both parties.

Nasty response.

Someone leaving the workspace to take a recommended break is not disruptive.

I work in an office environment and we are encouraged to take regular screen and sitting breaks, if only for 5 minutes at a time, to stretch our legs, get some water and fresh air.

Why does this always happen in every post with ND posters seeming to want to have a go at NT posters if they raise objections if their workload is increasing?

@CleverLilViper makes some very good points here.

Where exactly did I say I had worked with anyone with Asd/Adhd?

I've worked with other people with other disabilities (m.s and Fibromyalgia) that required reasonable adjustments and was happy to help and pick up the workload when they were struggling. I also have a daughter with Adhd, so can understand the issue the op is going through. Is that a satisfactory answer for you?

The op has worked in her role for four years and this hasn't been a long - term, ongoing issue. I'd hope people could be understanding of their colleagues and the struggle she is going through.

As a manager, anyone who had been found to be making discrimatory comments regarding her would be getting a one to one meeting and likely a written warning.