Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

[Resentedpumpkin]

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

The point of reasonable adjustments are to facilitate you being able to work OP, when otherwise you wouldn’t be able to do so.

As a manager I would work with you and OH to try and stop you being signed off sick, or having to leave (if it got that bad). Including a phased return if that would be useful.

It would also be my role to manage any concerns within the team. It’s not your job to fix that.

I have managed people with various conditions including coming back off long term sick leave. It’s the hardest bit of my job, but it is my job to do (with support).

@Resentedpumpkin it sounds like you might have gone back to full time hours too quickly. Why don't you ask to do a staggered return, 4 hours a day for a fortnight, then 5 etc to see if that eases you in? Probably less disruption for you and your colleagues, regardless of the rights and wrongs of their comments (I'm struggling to see any rights in snarking about a reasonable adjustment but that's by the by).

I'm sorry it's been so stressful op.

Do you feel able to manage your workload and complete your tasks as required with these breaks? If you're managing your workload effectively then it's not really an issue for anyone else.

If there is an impact on them in terms of workload then that's for them to address with their manager directly and is nothing to do with you.

If the issue is disruption and just distraction then could you suggest being based somewhere quieter that would allow you to take regular breaks without anyone else being affected?

You've 8 weeks to trial this and see how it goes and how you're feeling, but equally that's 8 weeks to think about if there's an alternative or something that might work better?

If the snide remarks continue I'd bring it up with hr as that's unacceptable.

@ChishiyaBat

That’s irrelevant here. Those colleagues should be managed by performance improvement plans with their manager.

I don’t say “well I know I’m working less hours but it’s unfair I’m paid less, because Fred is underperforming”. I just expect my manage to deal with Fred’s performance as a seperate issue.

The adjustments made don’t sound reasonable because it doesn’t sound like they're helping OP. If the need for breaks is increasing then the breaks themselves clearly aren’t providing the respite needed.

I think a proper, gradual phased return (with a slow build up of hours starting on a P/T basis) or a longer leave of absence sounds much more likely to help rather than hinder.

I also can see why OPs colleagues would be annoyed, although they shouldn’t be voicing this annoyance verbally/publicly as it bullying behaviour.

I can’t think of a single person who would be happy if their colleague worked less hours and got paid the same salary as someone who worked their contracted hours (or more) and had more work to take on to cover their colleagues absences. If it was a short term thing, sure, I think people would generally be happy to help. But this looks as if it will be a long term arrangement and it’s highly unfair to expect others to be happy with this arrangement in that case. Their manager needs to look at hiring another member of staff or similar to ensure that others’ workloads aren’t affected negatively. If their workloads aren’t affected then they really should mind their own business after that.

I wouldn’t have told my colleagues about these breaks at all, though, which would have likely avoided most of this from playing out how it has. Sometimes less is more when it comes to work relationships and I would only ever tell a trusted colleague (and friend) something which is likely to get others’ backs up. Having the team be fully aware is the same as painting a target on your own back.

Also when I returned from long term sick, I kept track of hours worked and submitted weekly worksheets. I had a minimum buy no maximum. The minimum increased each week and then we settled on 4 days of hours over 5 days as the sweet point.

It wouldn't bother me but I'm also autistic so potentially more understanding.

Do you get pip? If no you could apply this could give you more flexibility over earnings?

I work part time in a job that has some social aspect but a lot of repetition/non stress. I've never needed time off due to asd. (Unlike in previous roles)

Ah, but you see, they aren't disabled, so that's OK.

The alleged productivity drop is a figleaf, the real issue that is that we dare to exist in public with jobs.

but my examples are to explain why the colleagues may feel some resentment!!!

@RedSnail I don't think it is irrelevant, the OPs manager is dealing with her by giving her reasonable adjustments. Whereas pure lazy fuckers usually just get ignored by management even if they are reported and continue to get paid the same yet work less.

So shocked at some of the responses on here!

OP I think you should be extremely proud of yourself for acknowledging your stressors and for being able to communicate this to your employer.

I wish every employer was as inclusive as yours, my daughter has ASD and I really hope attitudes like a lot of the posters on here change by the time she starts working.

I work in a department that is extremely supportive of all disability adjustments and has a workforce that not only respects that but encourages it too. How anyone can resent somebody for trying to make it through the day during what is clearly a stressful time for you is beyond me. The agreement is between you and your employer, don’t let the ignorance of others get you down.

Once you feel stronger/more able, would it be possible to perhaps write a short blog about living with ASD and ME that could be shared by your HR/comms team on your organisations intranet as a way to raise awareness to staff?

Stay strong and focussed and PLEASE don’t take the ignorance to heart ♥️

You’re being paid to do X number of hours work. A reasonable adjustment is letting you have breaks and spreading out those hours.

it doesn’t include providing an unlimited number of unknown length breaks.

im afraid I’m in the ‘not acceptable long term’ camp if your colleagues are effectively filling in the hours you’re missing each week - someone else is doing the work you’re not surely?

I gurentee you. You have got it wrong. I'd bet money on it. Why don't you tag everyone you've accused this of so we can all have a good laugh.

Do you really think that autistic people use sensory breaks to go shopping? Do you think that we lie about needing a sensory break in order to go shopping? Do you think that someone whose mind is so overwhelmed with sensory inputs or visual thoughts is able at that time to go shopping?

You are accusing us of lying and that is disablist.

Do you think that we like other people seeing us become overloaded? Do you think that we want to be stared at? Do you think that we like being freak shows?

You accuse us of attention-seeking and that is also disablist.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia Yes how dare disabled people work with adjustments, but Disco Dave can take a 40minute shit twice a day, dump all his work on Sandra's desk and then go out to the pub after work with the manager. Honestly this thread is disgusting, discriminatory and disableist!

No, I wouldn't resent it!

And if I did have any problem with e.g. an excessive workload, I would bring it up with management, not 'punch down' with snide remarks to an ill/disabled colleague.

a former colleague was like this, so annoying. lots of resentment throughout the office. So pleased when she finally left. She couldn't cope, we were left with her work load whole she had 2-3 hours of breaks a day, never did a full week. You need to look for a less stressful job.

OP I'm.sorry your colleagues arent supportive.
Tbh they should wind their neck in. Might be worth noting comments and talking to HR.
Lots of people take breaks when WFH to put a wash on etc.
How do your colleagues know you are having a break??
Do you announce it on a chat? If so stop, I would only mention if you need more than 10 mins - so only message at 10 mins + point .
I assume this is a reasonable adjustment signed off by HR and you've worked there for 4 years and this is the first time it's happened so really they need to shut up. They don't need to know the reason for your breaks. You could have come back from bereavement, an operation any number of things and still have the same kind of adjustments.
Have you had an access to work assessment? Not sure if this is worth looking into ?
I wouldn't rush to reduce your hours just yet if you've been managing them OK for 4 years until you hit a blip.
Some people do not understand neurodiversity and are just unkind.
If you were sneaking off 3 or 4 times a day for a cuppa, a fag and a chat about football they'd probably be ok with it/ wouldn't notice.

Are you seriously suggesting an autistic majority on this thread, sticking the knife in to one of our own?

@Resentedpumpkin you are getting ableist comments and need to consider your well-being and your right to reasonable adjustments for your disability/health needs.

some jobs impact on others more and if that happens then your manager needs to consider that

sadly It’s really common for others to not understand or accept the needs of people with hidden disabilities. As you say, you need these adjustments to do your job and it’s important that people with disabilities are supported in work. Would they complain that a disabled access toilet was required for someone?
some complain that someone has 2 months ‘off work’ sick, not realising having cancer is not a break. Complain about having to use a BSL interpreter.

then they complain disabled people just take benefits!

some things to consider:

1. is this role right for you?
2. Are you happy in it?
3. do they understand your needs
4. have you accessed ‘access to work’? They have been pivotal for my situation.
5. do you have a space to decompress? Stim? Shut down safely?
6. have your adjustments as long as you need to, when they work, you work and everyone wins.

good luck 💐

Oh OP I really feel for you. I had an informal complaint made against me once, that I was getting preferential treatment, while I was being supported for a really personal matter, that I legally couldn't disclose the details of, except in the broadest terms. It was sheer agony. My manager and their manager were absolutely fantastic and put said colleague right back in their place. That is what needs to happen for you. They moved the colleague into a different area so our paths never crossed very often and I killed them with kindness.

If you are on an agreed plan and you're sticking to your part, don't forget your management will be very aware they may have a potential claim against them if they don't manage this situation properly. It is a temporary and reasonable measure to get you back to your full hours asap. With their proper support this is likely very achievable, and the most cost-effective solution all round, that makes total business sense.

Are you getting regular check ins?

She's hardly plopping herself down in the office muttering comforting words to herself when she works from home and has selective mutism, is she? You really are quite vile!

The confusion of hours, output and effort and all these posts are ... intriguing, to say the least. Everyone agrees that OP's colleagues should keep their mouths shut. But, are they wrong to 'feel resentful', even if it's not voiced?
@Underwatersally you're happy to help your colleague because she's 'amazing at her job'. Well what if she wasn't?

Nobody cares if you make TONS of effort. But still produce very little. Equally if you work long hours... but also produce little... you're inefficient. Then again these constructs are relevant in jobs that require task-based output. If it requires presence, say, a receptionist then hours worked are obviously important.

Whether reasonable adjustments can be made depend on the job and also how good the person actually is, so that it's worth making them. I'm a software engineer (yes, a lot of us are ND and hate meetings!) and the 'short-notice' meetings you deride as a 'neurotypical adjustment' are actually important. We often need to meet quickly to fix something/unblock each other!

If an engineer is so much more productive, such that the team can afford the slack waiting for them to reply, fine. I'm talking several hours instead of say an hour or so, we don't expect instant replies! But quite a few are just OK at their jobs. Add on not replying to messages - everyone else is stuck waiting for them. I get it. I hyperfocus too. But while their 'individual' productivity is OK the net effect on the team reduces total productivity.

It's really complicated. Also.. on the subject of 'NT' things ... it's really fun when you have multiple ND people all with diametrically opposed traits so you get stuck in a circle of not knowing who has to adjust to whom. Again, very common in my profession. I suppose for everyone else it's 'NT vs ND' but I'm surrounded mostly by the latter... it doesn't make it easier! All ND people are different.

Presumably they would be equally overloaded if OP were having a meltdown at her desk because she was overwhelmed and unable to take a break. No one wins by forcing OP to sit in her seat when she's not able to be productive.

It would be nice if the office recognised everyone might benefit from a short break from their PC from time to time so no one is left struggling and feeling resentful of OP, but ultimately she has a reasonable adjustment and what matters really is her overall productivity not that she's able to keep her arse pinned in one place for hours at a time.

I'm sorry OP, unfortunately Mumsnet can be abelist, especially towards neurodivergent adults and I really hope you don't take any of these negative comments to heart.

Receiving these breaks are NOT a privilege - they are what make you even with others and are there to allow you to exist in the workplace and be able to do your job.

Anyone saying you shouldn't have them does not understand what reasonable adjustments are. Anyone with a disability is benefited by laws of the workplace to request reasonable adjustments, extra breaks can be given for so so many reasons.

Please take them if they are offered and do not tolerate any negative comments. Speak to your manager if they continue.