Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

[Resentedpumpkin]

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

oh yes, but my word…. you have rinsed it for all it’s worth. and then some! 😂

If you meant "where do you go during your reset breaks and what do you do in your job?" then you should have specified that. The way you phrased your question looked like you were only asking about the reset breaks.

I would agree that "999 call handler" is not suitable work for someone who sometimes cannot speak, just as "shelf stacker" isn't an appropriate job for someone who must use a wheelchair. That's why the Equality Act 2010 talks about reasonable adjustments.

You aren’t the OP though with her particular set of conditions.

As to the person who said it is important what she does, it’s important to her employer and they are obviously making adjustments to fit in with her role. There is no need for any of us to know what she does.

again.

where do you go is reasonable.

Sit on floor in middle of office muttering comforting words to herself? relevant

Heads to costa for a mocha? relevant

takes herself off to a quiet space to gather herself? relevant

and all give a different dimension to the question

@donquixotedelamancha

Its all very well you and @Resentedpumpkin saying this and that,

But if you don't even have to bother making up the time effort in work matters,
compared to others at your work place?

No wonder 🤔 resentments will start to happen,
It can start to look to others working there that you are getting prefential treatment,

If its far too challenging or out of your comfort zone for you to cope with,

Is it really the right kind of job, career for yourself to prosper emotionally ect and to benefit the company working for?
i wonder?

@cezannesapple I’m not the OP no but I do have ME, ASD and selective mutism so I can understand the OPs challenges. It isn’t a reasonable adjustment to work less hours for the same pay permanently, it’s only understandable when instructed by a sick note

Why is it relevant?

i asked what does she do because utterly relevant if something like a 999 call handler

i asked what she does on the breaks because utterly relevant if she’s plopping down and muttering incantations or going for a stroll to the coffee shop next door 4x day

but you will argue the toss that i’m being disabilist

@Resentedpumpkin its completely irrelevant what your colleagues think (or idiots on here).

You have an arrangement with your employer which works for you and for them, and is within the law. That is the end of the discussion.

If your colleagues don’t like it then they can take it up with the employer. You do not have to explain to them, mollycoddle them into feeling better or otherwise consider them.

She hasn’t said anything about permanence.

As you know, you can have the same health condition as someone else but your response to it is different, more or less disabling, more or less painful, more or less difficult to manage.

Everything you've just said.

I note that continually, neurotypical people claim a monopoly on empathy, asserting that autistic people lack it, yet on this thread we see that lauded neurotypical empathy shown in all its glory. 😂

With each post, you continue to dig deeper into the depths of ignorance.

First up, not everyone treats work as a social occasion. Are you, of all people, suggesting that people waste their precious working hours befriending people in the workplace? But what about the work? Won't that time you've spent chatting and making friends be lost and the work will suffer? If you spend 5 minutes chatting with someone, won't that be 5 minutes someone else will have to pick up and mean that they're overworked and stressed?

So, because OP hasn't made any friends or doesn't want/feel up to socialising after work (which is what you're referring to) the job itself isn't suitable for her.

Many people with ASD and other conditions who are not NT suffer with burnout from their days. However, we have to work and no matter the nature of the work, the result will be the same. Are you suggesting that all who are not NT who have to conserve energy after work shouldn't work and should go on what? Benefits?

seriously

plopping herself down in the middle of the office and muttering comforting words to herself…. you think that this is reasonable for other employees to have to have by their desks, when on calls etc 4x a day

you don’t think seeing a colleague stroll to costa and buy themselves a coffee, then back two hours later for a cake, and an hour later has yet another break but this time strolls back in to the office with a bag from sainsbury’s…. all whilst they wee “getting themselves together” is not relevant?

We have someone with ASD and ADHD in our office and I’m feeling like we are a lovely team to be honest after reading some of the replies on here.

I thought we were the rule not the exception, we can tell when she is really struggling and will tell her to get a break, and cover her work or try and help her calm down by finding a quiet space for her.
If we didn’t do this she would burn out and be off work which wouldn’t be good for work or us because she is so amazing at what she does.

We all get paid the same wage even though she probably technically does less hours than us, but non of us feel resentful for that.

I don’t feel annoyed or distracted when she gets up goes for a walk or starts stressing, but then again we are in a really high stress job and there’s always someone needing a bit of extra support from one day to the next for various reasons because that’s life.

I wouldn’t feel resentful OP and I can’t imagine a single person in my team who would.
Besides all that it’s a reasonable adjustment anyway, protected by law so if someone wants to moan about let them moan away and rise above it. They can’t be that busy at work if they have enough time to clock you in and out.

Yes, I'd resent this - I am aware the law is on your side but I wouldn't expect much sympathy from colleagues. You are not "level with everyone" if they have to work 8 hours when you can get away with less than 7 by saying that the normal day's work is "getting too much". How can things "get too much" when you're WFH, anyway?

Have to agree with this

Are colleagues having to make up work you're unable to do or certain tasks/meetings? If not, it wouldn't bother me but if others have to pick up the slack that can breed resentment however understanding/tolerant they were on a personal level.

The term is ablist, not disablist.

And it is irrelevant what she does in the brake, as long as it’s within the agreement she has with her employer.

If her reasonable adjustment is negatively affecting her colleagues, that is for the employer to sort out, not the op.

It's a difficult one. Doing hours less work than others for the same pay only seems reasonable if it's short term (like eg expressing milk, resting a broken ankle etc). The conditions you have are lifelong. If this becomes your regular pattern then you need to accept you cannot fulfil your job role. You say being off sick would affect your team adversely, but surely if you can't do the job they'll replace you with someone who can. At some stage management need to decide if this is going to be long term. This however isn't your colleagues decision to make. If they're expected to pick up the slack it's no surprise they're annoyed.

It’s not relevant here though.

asking questions to find out more is
completely reasonable

Sorry that something happened recently that brought this episode on. You said you’d coped for 4 years which sounds really tough.

I hope that out of this adjustment period will come a situation where you don’t have to mask/cope till breaking point.

Reduced hours, only if that’s what you want and you can afford it, could be a way forward.

we will agree to disagree then on what one thinks is relevant to the question

The real issue is very few people understand selective mutism, I think calling it 'selective' isn't helpful either as it makes it sound like you can choose who and when to speak, when in fact it's more akin to a severe stammer, so the minute there is any pressure on speaking it's the metaphorical equivalent of scaling Mount Everest with no preparation.
Op are you getting any help for the mutism?

it is relevant or not as to whether one
may feel resentment in this scenario

It sounds fine to me, @Resentedpumpkin . I tell you what I wouldn't like, though - to be stuck in the sort of office where people sit rigid at their desks and pound away on keyboards and spend all their time eyeballing their colleagues tosee if anyone is getting something they're not. As long as your work is getting done, does it matter if you're taking breaks?