Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

[Resentedpumpkin]

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

Do you have to make a horrible ignorant comment on every thread about autism?

I genuinely don’t care what other people do as long as it doesn’t affect me long term. If I were your colleague I’d happily pick up your slack for eight weeks for the sake of your health, and I’m sure you’d do the same for me too. It is not viable (in either direction) for months on end though, there would come a time where a different job or part time hours were the fair option. For everyone’s sake.

Tiredness and disability are not the same. This thread is giving posters a space to air their predjudice about disability.

I'm ashamed to say that in my youth I would have resented this, though I would never have said that to anyone out loud. Now that I've got a bit more life experience, I wouldn't resent it; I would see it as something that's needed for you to do your job and absolutely none of my business.

I'm pleased that workplaces are (very slowly) changing and you're being supported by your employer. It does sound like they could have done more in terms of explaining that your breaks are workplace adjustments. (I'm not sure what the legal requirements are in terms of employee privacy. Would you be happy for your boss to say something like, 'I understand it has been noted that ResentedPumkin has, at times, been taking breaks throughout the working day. This is a reasonable adjustement the company agrees with to help Resented Pumpkin work to the best of their ability. If anyone would like to discuss our reasonable adjustment policy, or has any concerns about existing workloads, please raise them with me in the first instance.')

It's not your fault if the reasonable adjustments are affecting your colleagues workloads. If this is an issue, it needs to be addressed by your employer.

Bingo square: Your reasonable adjustments are a privilege that you must suffer for or repay.

The ableism on this thread is fucking disgusting.

Please OP speak to your manager or HR department about the sarcastic comments and please do not feel forced into reducing your hours before you have finished your 8 week reasonable adjustment period. Take care and please do not take half the advise on here. I am gobsmacked by peoples attitudes to disability displayed here, I had no idea this is the level of discrimination disabled people face. Massive eye opener. 😔

You're (probably purposefully) conflating mental health which we all have and which ebbs and flows responding to life events, and mental illness which impacts someone's life beyond the realms of 'normal'. Two very different things with similar labels and ignorance.

I would not be resentful of OP. I have had reasonable adjustments and have ASD. Does the team actually know there are reasonable adjustments or just that you have a disability?
The comments need to be reported as bullying.

I do not know whether I would feel resentful of the situation. That depends on whether OP adjustments impact my work (quality I can produce or quantity).

if it doesn’t impact we have separate workloads and occasionally meet no problem.

If it does then whether I resent it depends on my manager, whether they are taking it into account if I have targets. It might not be resentment more my own anxiety about whether I’m doing a good job. I should address with my manager.

If there’s a review after 8 weeks it’s akin to a phased return after absence. Just breaks have been more frequent doesn’t mean the OP is unsuitable for the role, it often takes time to settle back into a routine and build resilience after an absence.

In the longer term the law rightly protects people with disabilities and only the employer with the support of occupational health. If they identify frequent breaks as a reasonable adjustment to support the OP in employment then they have a duty to provide a working environment for her. If she’s not able to manage even with those reasonable adjustments there may be a capability issue but all of that is private between the OP and her employer. If staff think their workload is unmanageable they need to take it up with their employer, not the OP who is trying to sustain employment using the legal processes available to her.

and this happens 4x a day?

Bingo square: Disabled people are lazy and don't pull their weight.

It sounds to me like your manager hasn’t dealt with this very well, this is their job as it’s inevitable resentment would develop amongst others. This then means you and everyone else gets affected negatively by this, I just don’t think managers are trained well in this and perhaps don’t want or know how to deal with these type of situations effectively.

I think this is very good advice

*Livelovebehappy · Today 19:08

A lot of us have anxiety and depression during parts of our lives. In fact I would say most. It’s not an illness, it’s a reaction to stressful occurrences in your life. Get therapy or counselling - it shouldn’t be something people accept as a lifelong condition*

The anxiety and depression that go along with ADHD and Autism can’t be cured by counselling and therapy as they are part of being ND
You can’t alter the shape of someone’s brain by talking things through.

I think we all know why the OP hasn’t answered the questions about whether she makes the time back or whether she just works fewer hours than her colleagues.

However, I still think the manager/HR is responsible for any resentment by colleagues here. OP cannot help her disability, but the employer, if they think she is fit to perform her role, needs to make sure her reasonable adjustments don’t unfairly overburden rest of the team.

The third and second lines already have squares. For the first:

Bingo square: I have the right to police how you manage your condition.

At the moment your reasonable adjustments need to be amplified as you're coming back to work after time off. These accommodations now will help in the long run and your employer knows that looking after you now will pay dividends going forward. As long as your employer is on board and it sounds as though they are, noone else's view matters. Although I'd be making a wee note as if they keep on commenting it could tip into harassing you and that's definitely not on and something your boss should be addressing.

I think your employer seems supportive which is good. Your colleagues probably are resentful, however, you need to put yourself first. It is up to management to deal with any consequences of your adjustments. I'm lucky enough not to need adjustments at work, but a few people I work with do & I only know as they've told me. Probably feeling guilty like you OP, but it's none of my business what their arrangements are & if I have an issue with my own workload I take it to management. Disabled people deserve to be able to access the workplace if they choose to. I think it's 'not believing in' hidden disabilities that bring the worst out in people. There are a few young people who work in my local shop with physical disabilities and one girl has down syndrome, most people are patient with them and realise things can be more difficult for those individuals, I don't think hidden disabilities are as well supported & it's ignorance. I wish you all the best finding your feet again OP & don't let other people put you off accessing the help you are legally entitled to.

I’m pretty sure OP said early on that she didn’t have to make the time up because that puts added stress on her. She also said that some days she takes fewer breaks than others.

I think we all know why the OP hasn’t answered the questions about whether she makes the time back or whether she just works fewer hours than her colleagues.

There is no requirement to work hours back for a reasonable adjustment or phased return, people unhappy with that need to take it through their line manager.

Bingo square: I know better than your doctor, the Occupational Health team, your manager, the company's legal team, and you whether your adjustments are actually reasonable.

Also OP I wouldn't feel resentment to you for needing breaks for your disability, if your breaks meant I had an unreasonable workload I would be irritated by the management, not you. Xx Take care of yourself.

Depends on how pushy the project manager is being. It's stress-linked and happens when I can't turn the pictures in my head into words fast enough because the pictures are happening too fast.

@Resentedpumpkin I think you in this moment need to ignore what others are saying and focus on yourself. The added pressure of comments from colleagues will make this worse for you as I can only imagine you sitting there thinking about it causing you to need a break resulting in more breaks in the day.
Keep a log of when u do go and for how long, come your review you can show if it’s decreased, increased etc. Then is the time to consider if cutting your hours is right. Take full advantage of having the 8 weeks to see if you can come back from this blip.

I find colleagues are often not understanding when they don’t know the full
situation. Would you be comfortable to perhaps tell them the situation via WhatsApp or email? Doesn’t need to be a full story but just something along the lines of: As you are all aware I was absent from work for health reasons. I have returned, however at this moment in time require some reasonable adjustments to assist me with settling back to work. This is only for the next 6 weeks when it will be reviewed but hopefully by then I will be feeling more like my usual self.

This has been agreed by your employer, not your colleagues. I do think if things don’t get better then perhaps reduced hours or a different role may be best. Right now 6 weeks is a long time, you don’t know how you will be, just hope for the best, try to remain positive and shut out the negative comments.

No. Its literally a discussion forum. OP came here asking a question. People are trying to work out if they would feel resentment and that is based on the wider picture.

I wouldn't feel resentment unless I found out we were being paid the same. Then I would say I'm not picking up any extra work and that if OP is on reduced hours at same pay then I expect my pay to be reviewed. Because while I couldn't care less about others lives, I'm there to work nothing else, I won't be paid less than someone working less.