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Original poster

Found messages from a year ago between my husband and his family. Do I let it go?

135 replies

Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:17

Found messages between my husband and his family from a year ago. The messages are horrible.
They all spoke Ill of me. His brother suggested we don't share finances when I was heavily pregnant and to do 50/50 even though he earns 3 x more because "one day she'll earn more, it's like that sometimes, as the breadwinner you have rights and power of her, it's not unfair it's just like that" and mentions of how Im going to screw him over if we pull our finances before the kids are in nursery (he doesn't want to pay for nursery).
Messages with his mum when they speak absolute shit about me.
Messages of his mum calling me a hoe and implying she wishes our marriage fails.
Etc etc... absolutely vile

His family was also very abusive to me in real life in the past, especially his mother.
I'm a mind to tell them to fuck off and not go to theirs for Christmas like I had planned on doing, they clearly hate me, but it was one year ago.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Treesinmygarden · 15/12/2023 18:18

How did you find these?

You absolutely cannot let this go!

Dotcheck · 15/12/2023 18:18

Did your husband say bad things too?

Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:19

Dotcheck · 15/12/2023 18:18

Did your husband say bad things too?

Yes he started many of those conversations

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:20

His mother treated me like absolute rubbish since day 1.

I want to go no contact with her but I don't know how to go about it.

OP posts:
Ohmych · 15/12/2023 18:20

I would leave him he has no respect for you.

Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:20

Ohmych · 15/12/2023 18:20

I would leave him he has no respect for you.

I'm in a mind to do that.
But don't know if I'd be overreacting as it was a year ago. I just feel so betrayed.

OP posts:
oneflewoverthe · 15/12/2023 18:21

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! What an arsehole. I wouldn't let that go.

Tempnamechng · 15/12/2023 18:21

Wow. I would put the blame 75% on your husband. They are talking badly about you because he has spoken about you badly. Even if you were going through a bad patch its unforgivable. How are things between you?

Doggymummar · 15/12/2023 18:22

How are things now. I absolutely would not forgive this

HomburgandTrilby · 15/12/2023 18:24

Why are you focusing on whether to go to his family for Christmas rather than on why you seem to be married to someone with such a low opinion of you? Surely that’s a much bigger issue?

DuvetCovers · 15/12/2023 18:24

You’re not over-reacting. If anything, you are under-reacting.

cerisepanther73 · 15/12/2023 18:24

@Turneas

It's very telling and concerning your husband is so quiet about his family literally slagging slattering you off,
If i was you in your position i would be absolutely livid furious 😠 and seriously royally pissed off that his family feels so Cormfortable and at ease in regards of sending him such toxic poisonous messages as these, to the woman he married and cherishes and susposed to think the world off,

Why is this the case then?

Why isn't he standing up for you backing your corner ect?

mycatsanutter · 15/12/2023 18:24

I couldn't forgive this , and there is no way I could go for Christmas . Is he defending you at all in the messages ?

Lifeisapeach · 15/12/2023 18:25

That’s just awful. I would not be in the same room as anyone who wrote that about me. What has changed in a year that you would think to let it go?

TidyDancer · 15/12/2023 18:25

You are not overreacting. There is venting to your family when you have a row then there's this, which is on another level.

Look after yourself now, I'm so sorry.

Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:26

mycatsanutter · 15/12/2023 18:24

I couldn't forgive this , and there is no way I could go for Christmas . Is he defending you at all in the messages ?

No he just says "thank you" "thank you brother" "love you mum" "that's what I thought too" "can't speak right now will call later"
That's all the replies

There is one text where he tells her I don't want to come to hers because she abused me. And she dismissed it as me using the abuse as an excuse and forgetting the nice moments. There was no nice moments.
He agreed with her but asked to just have a conversation about it with me so we can get over it and go to hers.

So not really defending me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:29

cerisepanther73 · 15/12/2023 18:24

@Turneas

It's very telling and concerning your husband is so quiet about his family literally slagging slattering you off,
If i was you in your position i would be absolutely livid furious 😠 and seriously royally pissed off that his family feels so Cormfortable and at ease in regards of sending him such toxic poisonous messages as these, to the woman he married and cherishes and susposed to think the world off,

Why is this the case then?

Why isn't he standing up for you backing your corner ect?

They treated like me rubbish from day one and I never understood why.
It's only when I read the messages that I found out she was also calling me, before marriage, a girl who likes to sleep around (I was a virgin till marriage), who's not marriage material. She said that because my husband after visiting me, arrived home (he lived with his parents) at 1 am.

It's a mixture of what the mum says and later on what he started saying too.

I wish I could just text them that I know what they've been saying, block them, and never see them again

OP posts:
bananablues · 15/12/2023 18:31

It does not matter if it was a year ago, 2 years ago or even 5. If your dh thinks it is acceptable to speak about you like that he has no respect for you. He had a choice to not get involved in this.

BUT if he is not aware that you know I would keep quiet whilst you evaluate your options. Confrontation is not likely to get you anywhere.

and yes I would make my excuses re Christmas & stay away.

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 18:33

One year ago is still pretty recent! Did your husband defend you in anyway?

Id not see them again and just make your husband see them alone.

OhComeOnFFS · 15/12/2023 18:34

Are there cultural issues here, OP?

Do you have somewhere you can go to?

I would take screenshots of those messages if you can and send them to yourself on emails.

He and his family sound disgusting.

ThreeRingCircus · 15/12/2023 18:37

OhComeOnFFS · 15/12/2023 18:34

Are there cultural issues here, OP?

Do you have somewhere you can go to?

I would take screenshots of those messages if you can and send them to yourself on emails.

He and his family sound disgusting.

It does sound like it from the OP

cryinglaughing · 15/12/2023 18:37

Are you from a different culture to your husband?

Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:38

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 18:33

One year ago is still pretty recent! Did your husband defend you in anyway?

Id not see them again and just make your husband see them alone.

No he didn't, he basically said he agreed with them

He started most of those conversations

OP posts:
Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:38

cryinglaughing · 15/12/2023 18:37

Are you from a different culture to your husband?

Yes but not too different
They are Asian I'm half arab half white

OP posts:
Original poster
Turneas · 15/12/2023 18:38

OhComeOnFFS · 15/12/2023 18:34

Are there cultural issues here, OP?

Do you have somewhere you can go to?

I would take screenshots of those messages if you can and send them to yourself on emails.

He and his family sound disgusting.

I screenshot the conversation and sent them to email xx

I don't have anywhere to go but our lease ends next month. So if I leave I'll be able to get somewhere by myself

Thank you

OP posts:
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