Page 12 | As a 41 yo woman, would you date a 62 yo man ?

Justleaveitblankthen · 13/12/2023 16:34

I'm 55 and, unless Mr Clooney or Mr Pitt suddenly became available, no.

LuckiestMumonthePlanet · 13/12/2023 17:06

Before I got to be 50, I would probably have said “yes, follow your heart, blah blah blah,” but then the next six years have shown me what old age does to people and to their nearest and dearest. So cold hard logic says “no”. Not if you’re looking for a long term relationship with him. Sorry 😔

FarewellLeicesterSquare · 13/12/2023 17:12

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 15:40

Yes exactly that
I don't want a serious relationship and he knows that
But we do get on well, we have shared interests, he's fun and strangely very sexy - I was initially very against the idea because of his age but how can enjoying spending time with someone without any expectations be a bad thing

My cards were on the table and he's under no illusions that I'm looking for a long term partner or husband so where's the harm in enjoying some nice days and nights out

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That’s sounds great op so, without wishing to sound rude, what’s the issue? In your op you say it seems like such a huge age gap.

Are you worried what other people are going to say or think? If so, tell them to bog off and get a life!

Original poster

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 20:01

@FarewellLeicesterSquare yes, I think that's my main concern really

Because he's quite well off I don't want to be labelled as a gold digger I guess and am worried that's what people will say or think

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FarewellLeicesterSquare · 13/12/2023 20:06

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 20:01

@FarewellLeicesterSquare yes, I think that's my main concern really

Because he's quite well off I don't want to be labelled as a gold digger I guess and am worried that's what people will say or think

Oh I see. Yes that adds another layer to the decision doesn’t it?

But if you are just dating, not moving in, and pay your way, it shouldn’t really matter what others think. And people always have an opinion. If he wasn’t well off, they would comment about something else.

AvengedQuince · 13/12/2023 20:09

No, he'd be my dad's age

Original poster

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 20:20

Very true
I did make it clear to him when I accepted the date that we'd be going halves because he said for me to choose somewhere nice and not to worry about the costs

Sod it, life's too short to worry about what other people think and like you said, they'd only find something else to talk about, might as well be me 😁

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Goatymum · 13/12/2023 20:23

I’m early 50s and if I was single I might if he was very healthy, fit and young at heart.
Dh is 4 years older than me and I have more health issues than him currently!! It’s more a mindset sort of thing, I certainly wouldn’t be with anyone who was 72!!

Stuckinarut23 · 13/12/2023 20:24

Nope not unless you want to be their carer!

Portakalkedi · 13/12/2023 20:24

No, the difference is not a problem now but can become so a few years down the line.

thelastrose · 13/12/2023 21:12

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 15:40

Yes exactly that
I don't want a serious relationship and he knows that
But we do get on well, we have shared interests, he's fun and strangely very sexy - I was initially very against the idea because of his age but how can enjoying spending time with someone without any expectations be a bad thing

My cards were on the table and he's under no illusions that I'm looking for a long term partner or husband so where's the harm in enjoying some nice days and nights out

Show quote history

Did Mummy sit you down and tell you about the birds and the bees yet? Because the reality is, given he is quite sexy, as you say, you will end up sleeping with him, and then most probably some sort of relationship will develop.

His money is a part of it. I doubt you'd be drawn to a 62-year-old bin man, no offence meant to bin men - but the age difference is muted by his wealth.

I am sure he is lovely and not, as you have said, a sleaze. But if you turn him down I would very much expect the next woman he just happened to find so compatable would also be 20-odd years younger than him.

If you like him, you like him. Good luck with it all.

Original poster

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 21:17

@thelastrose are you always so rude ?

I'm a 41 year old woman, I know all about the birds and bees
If the date goes well and leads to sex who cares

The money isn't part of it at all, I earn my own money thank you, own my own home and car etc

Would I be interested in a bin man of the same age ? Not unless he was also good looking and intelligent and smart, no
But then I wouldn't be interested in a man my own age who wasn't any of those things either

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Original poster

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 21:18

He's also never dated anyone younger and it took him 7 weeks to build up the courage to ask me out so he doesn't make a habit of dating younger women

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thelastrose · 13/12/2023 21:31

I'm a 41 year old woman, I know all about the birds and bees
If the date goes well and leads to sex who cares

It's a joke. In my experience, when you date someone you quite fancy, you end up having sex with them; and you can say you don't want a relationship or to get involved, but having sex with someone you quite fancy does tend to lead to feelings deepening and you having some sort of relationship.

The money isn't part of it at all, I earn my own money thank you, own my own home and car etc

The money is a part of it. He would not be in such good nick at his age without it. He would have less allure without the polish and selfcare it affords. It's just a fact of life that wealth influences healthcare. And the money is a part of it, as you have said the reason for your qualms about dating him was others might think you were a gold-digger.

He's also never dated anyone younger and it took him 7 weeks to build up the courage to ask me out so he doesn't make a habit of dating younger women

As you are 41, perhaps you have not been around a lot of older men, in terms of relationships. He is perhaps a unicorn.

Clearly you want to and will date him. Your defensivesness is a bit odd, to me, given you have asked for opinions on this man and the age difference.

As I said, good luck with it all.

19lottie82 · 13/12/2023 21:52

I’m 41 and my OH is 60.
He’s lovely and kind and we get on like a house on fire. (And no, he’s not rich!)

However we don’t live together and have no plans to. Nothing to do with the age gap we just both appreciate our own space. We see each other about 3 nights a week and that suits us both.

You’re both adults. If you like each other, why not? There aren’t many decent men in the world. If he is one of them then grab your chance of happiness with both hands.

KissTheRains · 13/12/2023 21:56

Thekormachameleon · 11/12/2023 12:50

He's good looking, financially comfortable, works full time, funny, fit and healthy

But it just seems such a huge age gap

Nope.

Few years time that age gap will be a HELL of a lot bigger than it is now.

Plus, I'm never getting into a relationship with someone that is possibly eyeing me up for their future elder care. nope nope nope.

44, oldest I'm going is 46 / 47

Cupcakekiller · 13/12/2023 22:03

I'm 43 but no. Late 50s would be the limit for me.

Original poster

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 22:21

@thelastrose tbh if things develop then I'll cross that bridge if and when but I take on board what you're saying

The money is irrelevant to his age because I wouldn't date someone my own age who was broke either. Rightly or wrongly I only date men who live similar lives and enjoy the same standard of living as I do so yes, it's important that he is financially stable, just as it would be if he were 20 years younger but the money isn't part of the attraction

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Original poster

Thekormachameleon · 13/12/2023 22:22

19lottie82 · 13/12/2023 21:52

I’m 41 and my OH is 60.
He’s lovely and kind and we get on like a house on fire. (And no, he’s not rich!)

However we don’t live together and have no plans to. Nothing to do with the age gap we just both appreciate our own space. We see each other about 3 nights a week and that suits us both.

You’re both adults. If you like each other, why not? There aren’t many decent men in the world. If he is one of them then grab your chance of happiness with both hands.

Edited

Having dipped my toe into dating following my divorce two years ago, even men my own age are still sending dick pics and looking for no strings sex
As you say, seems like good men are few and far between

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bananamangoes · 14/12/2023 06:53

Hell no

LovedMyLastNameItHadToGo · 14/12/2023 06:57

I think there will be a point soon (knowing others in their 60s) where they age quite suddenly. I’ve seen it in my in-laws who are fit/healthy etc then there was a point in their 60s where they just started getting old!

EtiennePalmiere · 14/12/2023 07:01

Not for me personally but if you like him why not, especially for short term.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 14/12/2023 07:04

Absolutely not, under any circumstances. In a few short years he’ll hit his 70s. I don’t need a man that badly. One my own age will be enough to worry about hopefully years from now when we both get old.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 14/12/2023 07:05

Enjoy a shag though….if he’s able and ideally doesn’t smell like old man

HappyAsASandboy · 14/12/2023 07:43

No, I wouldn't. For me, that gap is too big, and further exacerbated by the ages.

When he's 72 you will be 51. You could have 10 year old kids to ferry around and support with homework and take cycling/climbing/to Park Run. He'll be well in to retirement mode, and you'll be firmly entrenched in young family mode.

When he's 82 you'll be 61. You'll likely still be working, wanting to travel and explore the world, raising late teens/early adults, and he will likely be at least slowing down, and more likely needing some level of "care". You'll be staring down the barrel of 20 years of old age on your own because he won't be alive while you get old.

A 10 year gap is hard in the older years (but much easier in the younger years). A 20 year gap is massive at any time, but particularly from now on in (and you won't have enjoyed the previous 20 years to be able to draw on those memories and connections; you'll just have the older stuff to deal with).